phasing in. phasing out.

7^th January ‘09

 

Yes it’s a new year!

But somehow the newness didn’t quite like dawn on me. Probably cause the chronological partitioning abhors me. However, dates haven’t quite in particular managed to stop making their marks on me.

 

No resolution. No definite resolution.

Just that I’ll try and invest more time in myself. Basically balance the four aspects of life, namely: Work, Community, Family and Self. I guess I’ll have to learn how to say NO, which is kinda li’l difficult for me.

 

Indecisiveness to Decisiveness

Decision-making is stressful for me, inherently. Or maybe was. Coz ’08 was the year in which I made a lot of decisions, for myself. Small- li’l ones, major-life changing ones. Learned to flow…..

 

The year gone by: ’08. Was one of change. Perpetual change reflected in all aspects. But the most notable change is within my mind. Though still, I fully and completely don’t know what I want, or where I am. But I’m getting there. And to that place the travel this year was notable. So thank you ’08, for making me more me, and helping me know me.

 

’09 you have quite a year to succeed!

12th December '08

Yes I am a weird person…
With super random thoughts

Going Back Home

I donno if I’m excited about going back home…..
I think I am..
But other times, I’m sometimes scared of being excited….
Mixed feelings


What’s in a name

MY name announces me to the world as the Daughter of Goddess Lakshmi. But, when questioned, or asked in detail about my name, this year….some research later I discovered, there’s no daughter of Goddess Lakshmi mentioned in our holy scriptures. So what do u think was my reply to “who IS the daughter of Goddess Lakshmi?”
It was total Sharukh Khan ishtyle “Main Hoon Na (I am there)..

But really, looking sideways: I do not exist at a level (name wise). So there’s a certain abstractness which is quite in conjunction with me.

Shreeja,
a figment of imagination,
a conceived notion,
me. I’m at peac
a could-be,
a could-be-not.

I guess, that’s with my name. Cause non-existence in a documented form frees me to float through the layers, levels and logistics. I can live in dreams, dive about in blue seas, think bizarre….. be different in different dimensions..
I’m free. Freed by a name….
Then they say, what’s in a name?


Is Brown the new Black?

I see brown eyes everywhere “lenses”. Where’s the kaali-kaali aankhein (black black eyes) which have been the talk about Indian women, since time immemorial.
The black kohl vs the brown kohl
I see brown in the shoes category, which was dominated by black.
I carry a brown li’l backpack-kinda sling myself.
Where black was a necessary goes with all some years back, we see brown creeping in.
Sharing your forte with brown…how does it feel black?


Some people are so god-damn cute

People some people, so cute so.
Like this guy, I got married to, is so cute so.
Weird cute, the way I like it.
Hah. See I’m capable of saying nice things about you.


Pugs Punny

It’s the puns which crack me up…but the puns can’t be obvious puns. I love the puns they weaved in onto Madagascar – escape to Africa- Superb, you know. Just saw the movie yesterday. Great…I can see it all over again….

7th December '08

Tales unheard…
But heard all the time..

Of

Breaking backs
Aching legs
Crying children
Uncoordinated moves
A dance performance

A dancer
A novice

A step
A composition

All I can say is, “I’ll try”
Let the uncertainty wither

27th November '08

 I say

Let’s all just stop living…

In this claim to fame reality show

 

Let these assholes come and butcher the lifelessness

Anyway …. They just killed some people…

How can they kill the spirit of a nation…

 

Well. No dear one was a mishap……

But still….I feel breached…

Yes my spirit is hurt..pierced…violated…

 

Idiots….what’s in their psyche…

What’s their bloody cause??

Blood sucking hyenas…..kill for the joy…

 

I refuse to believe they have any god damn cause…

Victims have come to avenge,….

 

Heartless….phantoms….

Don’t you have any conscience?

 

I wanna think about my personal problems now…

The ones which were plaguing me yesterday..

The choices I had to make…

The plans, the joy, the merriment in which I was partaking….

 

But all I can do now is

Sit and feel dizzy…

Am blank..

Going about life…

Yeah….

What’s then?

Isn’t it an everyday issue

You

Then me

All of us

 

What to do??

Tell me??

 

Let’s just breathe a sigh of relief….oh it wasn’t me this time…

Is that a feeling of joy, anyway?

 

And you guys…. You’ll never rest in peace…..

Do rethink your cause…..

This is just not worth it…

Nothing is…

Is any logic, rhyme or reason…there?

At all??????

26th NOvember '08

KALADEISCOPE

 Let’s write, Let’s write

Let’s think in ink, in charcoal, in graphite..

Not aloud, yet expressed

Yes, Let the thoughts out

A world of Black and white,

I envision

A world of just Black!

Or just White!

Really! Did u say the Black in the White?

White through a prism, a glass, a lens,

Sprays a gamut of the rainbow seven

And in the absence of white….

…the absence of the VIBGYOR

The Black.

A world also of Greys my Dear

The grey area

With the grey cells

The most important matter my dear

A world of varied colours

A world of varied moods

A world of conflicts

A world of peace

A world of despair

A world of hope

A world so

Violet with the light divine

Yet, so bruised with the purpling poverty

Merry it goes in the vineyard dance

Oh! Did you smell the lilac?

A world so

Indigo with the nation’s pride

Where the soaring skies dip to sensex blues

And the cobalt sapphires glow a trifle light

Yes, one plans to swim the deep seas!

A world so

Green with fauna, flaura and flaunt

Yet, the envy piercing through the key-hole

The houses are big, filled with cash

A leaf, a leaf, a leaf

Produces chlorophyll

Anyone needs oxygen?

A world so

Yellow with lemons and sunflowers and gold

And smiling sunshine of learning children

Yet dirty, yes yellow and dirty

With jaundiced treachery

A world so

Orange with oranges n apricots n peaches n papaya…

An orange dusk and an orange dawn…

The veiled journey, relentless, everyday…

Every single day

The saffron sprinkles

A world so

Red with mirth of divine festivity

Where love reigns supreme

And Kama does ancient dances of seduction

Clueless, Scarlet waits in the Conservatory with a Dagger

20th November '08

Writing is a boon. It vents. It reveals. 

Writing is also a curse. It flows. It unearths.

It's a part of you. A lot of who you are. Strangely, it's very difficult to write something you don't feel. Strangely, it's a lot easier to believe something which is written, than what is said. Maybe because it's more soul-ful.

Expression....

that's why i call my blog expressed...

caoz it's expression done- expressed.

I'm not a perfect person. I'm not a perfect soul. But I try to (I can) , am able to (thanks to god) keep my intentions correct. And that also, if if thwarted by the grapevine rounds. should I care?

no.

I just gotta keep my circle tight. And have in my mind, lotsa might. Right. Right. Right.

And then, with a smile on my face... CHARAIVAiTee. CHARAIVAiTee.

Caged inside or outside?

13th November '08

You go on in life rescuing others, bringing hope streaks to shine here and there.....wishing, secretly wishing, that it shines on you, or is brought to you.

The reality is. It's you who wants to be rescued. From this, that and others. It's you who wants to be free. 

So you write.

To let your words flow freely. And the pen you use, doesn't work. The second one's ink doesn't flow. Freedom! Hah. You're caged. caged. caged. caged. caged. Behind bars of restlessness.

You live through a day. Days. Weeks. Months. Waiting for your turn. Each turn turns into another or anothers. Weird sentence, Huh? You won't get. Hahaha.

Small things. Meaningful small things. Oh, such melancholy over such a small thing!

What thing?  ll