19th January '10
It’s a weird mixed feeling about ‘home’ in my head (mainly it’s the heart, I guess).
I don’t know where my real home is, anymore! At least I don’t have it in total anywhere. It’s fragmented and is all over the place.
I get a little feel of it as I open the door to our apartment of some months. I get a little feel of it when I sip the morning tea, prepared exactly (almost) as always.
I get a little feel of it when I know exactly where to put what, and where what is.
I get a little feel of it when I lie in his arms and lull into sleep. And then it seems almost complete.
But I also call Cal my home, where now I don’t live anymore.
It’s I guess a sense of familiarity, knowing where what is, there which makes it home.
It’s also a sense of tuning into a system consciously and unconsciously, over the years.
It’s also a sense of belonging to a city, so full of friends, family and closed ones. Not to forget the memories contained in every fore.
It’s also home where my mommy lives. It’s also home where my daddy lives. It’s also home where I grew up with my bro. It’s also home, where my wedded lived his growing years. It’s also home in all those places where some months I lived before. And in many ways it’s also not home there.
It’s home now where I live with my mate. But somehow, the feeling of toto seems to be fragmented and strewn about everywhere.
They say home is where the heart is. But my heart is in so many places, with so many people and so many memories.
