inside out

17th January '13

Turning inside out

Is an ugly feeling

Where did this clog come from into this flowing stream?

The gurgles are now muddy

The whirpool whirls

The vortex swallows the water

Remains a stony bed 

Every Bit

26th July '12

Every bit of  joy I had within me

        flowed out in tears

                       drop by drop..

And you ask me to smile?

Every bit of life in me

          walked out of my life

                     one step at a time..

And you ask me to live?

Every bit of me

          got burned up in smoke

                    and ash scattered all over

And you ask me to be me, again?

Excerpts from the lash

10th June '12



My heart is missing
and I cannot breathe
I'm living, not dead yet.
why me? why you? why us?
I ask myself, you and the darkness
no answers yet. no light yet.
I'm zigzagging through the world, the tasks
while I'm shattering into pieces.
I'm trying to hold myself together
but the pieces are lost.
I wonder again. Am I sure? Could this be me? Alive.
I pinch myself, I bite myself, I feel it.
I must be living.
Then how come I feel like dead?


sunshine
morning sunshine
happy sunshine
sunshine showers
sunshine yellow
rainbow sunshine
lovely sunshine
lifegiving sunshine
too much sunshine
warm sunshine
sunshine, too hot
I'm burning sunshine
ashes full of sunshine


Something is moving inside me.
Something, Someone is there
Otherwise how could I have handled it till now?
Something is alive, which is helping me function,
Write, do things, talk.
'Hello, Something Someone inside me
Please take over, completely
I can't carry on
Please.'

Rishikesh musings - 1

2nd November '11

Met Blanche, the 'je suis Shweta'.
Whose more vegetarian than anyone, I know, and more yogically spiritual than I'll ever be. It feels strange to see so many foreigners in a desi garb, who seem to have such great insight into our country's ethos. An insight which we refuse to even acknowledge.

What is it that they find here, in benaras and dwell here for weeks, months when we will dismiss these places in a day?

What is it that we, they, all of us really go looking for when we go to a new place?


Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

CONSPIRER

8th May 2006

Sometimes from the deepest fears...
...Rises the utmost strength one has...
Sometimes from the darkest corners..
...Comes alive the most brightest fantasies...
Sometimes when these sometimes happen..
...One ceases and stops...and wonders...

What is it, which reigns supreme??
Who is it tht decides?
..............When, where, what, who, whom, how?

Someone must be there..
Someone who knows it all..
Someone whom we don't know...
..But a someone who knows us just too well.

Someone who knows the answers to the unanswered questions..
Someone who'll tell us exactly which belief is true...
Someone planning the whole conspiracy..
Someone who knows why the unreasonable things happen...

Go up...go down...go right...go left...
Is he everywhere??
Can he follow me to almost everywhere??
If he's there for everyone.. then why is he wasting time on me??
"Why?", I ask him... and the omnipresent smiles...
"Ok...so tell me the reasons for me atleast"...
...And knowing the answers he still doesn't say...
"Ok say something...something for keeps sake.."
..And through the silence I hear...
"LIVE IT....knowing too much would spoil the fun..."