11th December, 2006
I know you have to go...
....you'd have stayed....
....................................if you could.
But still..
..I call out to you
....beg you to stay...
................................I donno why??
I know you love me..
...and you always wanna keep me happy...
.......no matter what..
But still..
..I'm crying today..
......and it's kinda b'coz of you.
I know ...
...what's right, what's wrong.......
But then what do you do??
.............when you're helpless..
...........................................clueless
................................and in total distress??
Why did you...
...........love me so much, darling??
Why did you
.............come so close??
Why did you merge
..............right into my soul??
When you had to say good' bye.
Falling in love and then loving someone..
..departures, miss-yous and then reunions..
smiles, laughter, memories and tears..
..seconds, minutes, hours and years..
Distance of even an inch, pinches me so hard..
Imagine,
how it kills me, to be miles apart
My darling, my love, sweetheart..
How are we gonna survive, living apart??
Don't prick the needles again..
the last ones have , healed not yet..
A relapse, could be fateful.
Spirals
23rd November '06
Feels close to doom
.....................a damsel in dire circum
Night with stars
....................fail to glitter
...................................even with the spotlight
...................................................................of the moon
In the dark corners
........................hidden under sheets
......................................................it's a tear
............................................................that glistens stories
A tear not of sorrow
...................A tear not of pain
......................................A tear not even of happiness
A tear of a nature unknown
A special day,
............A moment gone by,
...............................A day which is yet to come.
A thought,
...........A scare,
.................A nightmare,
..............................A fear of the unknown.
A faith,
.........A trust,
..............A soulmate,
..........................A love,
.................................A wait prolonged.
The tear,
...........A single tear,
.............................GLISTENS.
Feels close to doom
.....................a damsel in dire circum
Night with stars
....................fail to glitter
...................................even with the spotlight
...................................................................of the moon
In the dark corners
........................hidden under sheets
......................................................it's a tear
............................................................that glistens stories
A tear not of sorrow
...................A tear not of pain
......................................A tear not even of happiness
A tear of a nature unknown
A special day,
............A moment gone by,
...............................A day which is yet to come.
A thought,
...........A scare,
.................A nightmare,
..............................A fear of the unknown.
A faith,
.........A trust,
..............A soulmate,
..........................A love,
.................................A wait prolonged.
The tear,
...........A single tear,
.............................GLISTENS.
Li'l Scribbles
October '06
**** He was my friend....now, he's Brutus.
****The pain crossed the point....now, It gets me high.
**** There are three kinds of ppl..
one, who like you;
two, who don't like you;
and three, who don't know what to do with you.
I find the last kinds, Interesting.
**** I Don't wanna reach the highest points and the high peaks of life....
....I just wannna
.............truly, deeply, totally.......get under the surface.
**** He was my friend....now, he's Brutus.
****The pain crossed the point....now, It gets me high.
**** There are three kinds of ppl..
one, who like you;
two, who don't like you;
and three, who don't know what to do with you.
I find the last kinds, Interesting.
**** I Don't wanna reach the highest points and the high peaks of life....
....I just wannna
.............truly, deeply, totally.......get under the surface.
The Night Waits
14th August'05
When the sun goes down..
..and the birds are back in 'bodes...
And when the sky of the dusk doesn't darken..
..but glows, redder and redder............................................................
I hold in my hand..
................................a li'l diya...
...a shimmering, glimmering, flickering flame..
...an ode to the sindoori beauty, night.
She peeps through her bridal finery and then again shies away..
She's quiet, doesn't speak.... but her breathing gives her away....
She pulls her dupatta all over herself, yet again...and gets lost in her thoughts..
She waits with faith, counting the stars she adorns...
She waits..
...........She waits..
....................She waits..
motionless....noiseless.....just so quiet........
But just as the dawn breaks....
.............she whispers........."why?"
When the sun goes down..
..and the birds are back in 'bodes...
And when the sky of the dusk doesn't darken..
..but glows, redder and redder............................................................
I hold in my hand..
................................a li'l diya...
...a shimmering, glimmering, flickering flame..
...an ode to the sindoori beauty, night.
She peeps through her bridal finery and then again shies away..
She's quiet, doesn't speak.... but her breathing gives her away....
She pulls her dupatta all over herself, yet again...and gets lost in her thoughts..
She waits with faith, counting the stars she adorns...
She waits..
...........She waits..
....................She waits..
motionless....noiseless.....just so quiet........
But just as the dawn breaks....
.............she whispers........."why?"
My Caravan on The Road
13th October '06
The echo of silent strings
and the core black transcends...
A night without u..
turns so long..................
A time when people sleep
an opportune to be home..
tucked under covers,
safe and sound.................
My home I cannot see..
and a sleep which does not sleep...
Traversing the tips of continents...
My home, My Caravan...
on a journey
without me.................
The echo of silent strings
and the core black transcends...
A night without u..
turns so long..................
A time when people sleep
an opportune to be home..
tucked under covers,
safe and sound.................
My home I cannot see..
and a sleep which does not sleep...
Traversing the tips of continents...
My home, My Caravan...
on a journey
without me.................
Deadly Dreams
24th August '06
A wish to commit murder
A wish to be an outlaw
A wish of guns and bullets
.....a terrorist dream...
To hear the silent screams
And drench in salty rain
My motto is to kill
...families, dreams, desires and me...
My mission is supreme
My mission I donot know
Freedom, I think it is
.....and mass murder is the thing to do....
Homicide homicide homicide..
Bombs and blasts and terror..
A li'l child's orphaned
A mother's barrened
A guy just lost his legs
.................it's moving, it just moved...........
A house is burned
Some dreams are buried forever
....................but it's breathing.....
....................see, I'm a terrorist.......
...................My dreams came true.......
A wish to commit murder
A wish to be an outlaw
A wish of guns and bullets
.....a terrorist dream...
To hear the silent screams
And drench in salty rain
My motto is to kill
...families, dreams, desires and me...
My mission is supreme
My mission I donot know
Freedom, I think it is
.....and mass murder is the thing to do....
Homicide homicide homicide..
Bombs and blasts and terror..
A li'l child's orphaned
A mother's barrened
A guy just lost his legs
.................it's moving, it just moved...........
A house is burned
Some dreams are buried forever
....................but it's breathing.....
....................see, I'm a terrorist.......
...................My dreams came true.......
Rock-a-bye-baby on the tree top.....
18th August '06
Kept dreaming through the stars
into the eyes of unknown galaxies,
A dirty mesh of guarded thoughts..
a stingy liver in a pool..
a pen and a pencil, big..
and a ringless cordless phone...
A notebook and a gawky silence..
silence broken by unheard writing..
A writing skewed and scrawling..
a writing gone crazy.
A being unanswered relents in the background.
No questions it had posed,
but answers it awaited,
and then lost among the rain clouds
its existence lay misted......
Drip and Drop...
and lots of rumbles-crumbles...
Rock-a-bye-baby on the tree top.....................
Kept dreaming through the stars
into the eyes of unknown galaxies,
A dirty mesh of guarded thoughts..
a stingy liver in a pool..
a pen and a pencil, big..
and a ringless cordless phone...
A notebook and a gawky silence..
silence broken by unheard writing..
A writing skewed and scrawling..
a writing gone crazy.
A being unanswered relents in the background.
No questions it had posed,
but answers it awaited,
and then lost among the rain clouds
its existence lay misted......
Drip and Drop...
and lots of rumbles-crumbles...
Rock-a-bye-baby on the tree top.....................
Dreamy Nostalgic Whiffs
27th July '06
With a grey blanket over its head,
the sky sleeps...
Under the blanket,
white cloudy, cushiony dreams and blue horizons....
An evening nap,
before dusky deafening dues...
A sleeping slumber,
into the nightfall hues...
So many dreams...
So many li'l ones...
With colours of rainbow,
the shades of dawn
and the gloom of the rolling sundown.
The blanket's wet,
too full..
already impregnate...
A pin is pricked...
and the billow punctured,
gives away all its stow.
In peals of thunder
and crackling lightning...
The deluge, the downpour.......a dripping squall...
The snooze aroused....
......as twilight turns into a misty night of nostalgia.....
With a grey blanket over its head,
the sky sleeps...
Under the blanket,
white cloudy, cushiony dreams and blue horizons....
An evening nap,
before dusky deafening dues...
A sleeping slumber,
into the nightfall hues...
So many dreams...
So many li'l ones...
With colours of rainbow,
the shades of dawn
and the gloom of the rolling sundown.
The blanket's wet,
too full..
already impregnate...
A pin is pricked...
and the billow punctured,
gives away all its stow.
In peals of thunder
and crackling lightning...
The deluge, the downpour.......a dripping squall...
The snooze aroused....
......as twilight turns into a misty night of nostalgia.....
A Night Rings
19th July '06
Dim white tube-light flashes in the eye
and the night lies forgotten behind..
The monsoon breeze and electrical air
jostle in the room, from ceilig to the shaded marbled floor.
The relics of the rain gone by,
the water puddles glisten in the moon-light...
Innumerable fragments of the shredded satellite
contained within shallow pools of contaminated water.
Someone hums a tune somewhere
to whose rhythms my heart beats fast...
But the strain lost in the traffic somewhere...
..all in my ears, now....SILENCE...
On this not so bright night
when the sky is a tinge of red...
I await another call, another tring..
.."one's not enough for me"...
Dim white tube-light flashes in the eye
and the night lies forgotten behind..
The monsoon breeze and electrical air
jostle in the room, from ceilig to the shaded marbled floor.
The relics of the rain gone by,
the water puddles glisten in the moon-light...
Innumerable fragments of the shredded satellite
contained within shallow pools of contaminated water.
Someone hums a tune somewhere
to whose rhythms my heart beats fast...
But the strain lost in the traffic somewhere...
..all in my ears, now....SILENCE...
On this not so bright night
when the sky is a tinge of red...
I await another call, another tring..
.."one's not enough for me"...
Times vs Me
18th July '06
Time plays games with me...
and beats me everytime.....
Shadows lurk in the corners
to spring on me, at my face,
But I sit on a bag of beans, twiddling my toes....
let the phantoms wait, till vacuum gulps them down it's throat...
Time plays games with me
and tries to beat me everytime.....
I'll float in my memories..
Swim with our musics' flow..
Will refuse to believe the true, in the truest sense..
And make my dreams an illusory reality...
Time plays games with me
and I refuse to let it beat me everytime.....
Worlds within our minds
and our minds within our worlds....
Reasons why I exist...
and my existence, a reason to live...
Time plays games with me
and I play games with myself.
Time plays games with me...
and beats me everytime.....
Shadows lurk in the corners
to spring on me, at my face,
But I sit on a bag of beans, twiddling my toes....
let the phantoms wait, till vacuum gulps them down it's throat...
Time plays games with me
and tries to beat me everytime.....
I'll float in my memories..
Swim with our musics' flow..
Will refuse to believe the true, in the truest sense..
And make my dreams an illusory reality...
Time plays games with me
and I refuse to let it beat me everytime.....
Worlds within our minds
and our minds within our worlds....
Reasons why I exist...
and my existence, a reason to live...
Time plays games with me
and I play games with myself.
Primordial Spirits
13th June '06
O' my darling
..my darling
......do you know it too??
o' my sweetherat
..my heartthrob
......so you feel it too??
Centuries and centuries have gone gallore
..but from time immemorial
...we've been me and you.
Searching for the gone-by moments
..of scores of decades before
the familiarity we feel
..is not of this age..I'm sure..
Through the time, through the layers
..seeking each other out
toward love...we both have been devout.
End of misery
..plus to feel the pain...
through bouts of ties
..and atlast to the deepest unknown.
Deep..the depth..we've traversed it before..
lighter and higher...
and deeper and lower...
Merging, demerging our souls playing games..
Spiralling and spinning
...like magnets in a cosmic dance.
Search my soul and Post-mortem my being..
thoughts and thoughts and feelings and memories..
of lives....of essence...
of existence..
in each others' mere presence.
Through the silence echo
..the words spoken before..
The look in the eye..
..we've shared in some ancient sphere before.
Like banjaras
...in different forms...
we've vagabonged and looked life in awe.
Through cycles of life..
beyond birth and death...
we've seeked one-another in every fore.
As clouds, as droplets
..as the gleam of sun....
With flowers, with fragrance
..with tunes of love....
In rain, in winter
..under the rainbow dome....
Fresh as dew
and as nascent as a new leaf....
..A Primordial Love Renewed.
O' my darling
..my darling
......do you know it too??
o' my sweetherat
..my heartthrob
......so you feel it too??
Centuries and centuries have gone gallore
..but from time immemorial
...we've been me and you.
Searching for the gone-by moments
..of scores of decades before
the familiarity we feel
..is not of this age..I'm sure..
Through the time, through the layers
..seeking each other out
toward love...we both have been devout.
End of misery
..plus to feel the pain...
through bouts of ties
..and atlast to the deepest unknown.
Deep..the depth..we've traversed it before..
lighter and higher...
and deeper and lower...
Merging, demerging our souls playing games..
Spiralling and spinning
...like magnets in a cosmic dance.
Search my soul and Post-mortem my being..
thoughts and thoughts and feelings and memories..
of lives....of essence...
of existence..
in each others' mere presence.
Through the silence echo
..the words spoken before..
The look in the eye..
..we've shared in some ancient sphere before.
Like banjaras
...in different forms...
we've vagabonged and looked life in awe.
Through cycles of life..
beyond birth and death...
we've seeked one-another in every fore.
As clouds, as droplets
..as the gleam of sun....
With flowers, with fragrance
..with tunes of love....
In rain, in winter
..under the rainbow dome....
Fresh as dew
and as nascent as a new leaf....
..A Primordial Love Renewed.
An Apology and Back
13th June '06
Days and Nights are going by...
..as each moment tapers down into another,
contaminated silence with circumstancial doubt....
I'm sorry for the pins I pricked...
In the darkness of the nights
..when I sob silently,
And in the light of the day
..when my eyes well up with tears.
Now, I know I'm not alone.....
A part of you
..holds me in a warm embrace everytime it happens.
A part of you
..like smiffs of memories, makes me smile.
And a part of yoy
..leads me to the dreamy sands
...and in the cozy-comfort of snuggly visions
....I, then go to sleep.
Days and Nights are going by...
..as each moment tapers down into another,
contaminated silence with circumstancial doubt....
I'm sorry for the pins I pricked...
In the darkness of the nights
..when I sob silently,
And in the light of the day
..when my eyes well up with tears.
Now, I know I'm not alone.....
A part of you
..holds me in a warm embrace everytime it happens.
A part of you
..like smiffs of memories, makes me smile.
And a part of yoy
..leads me to the dreamy sands
...and in the cozy-comfort of snuggly visions
....I, then go to sleep.
Zwoik
29th May '06
love comes foward and nestles in my arms..
hugs me tight..and twists me right..
no room to breathe I say....
ahoy..who wants to live..
I wanna die now..
die this very moment..
in the arms of love..
love serenades...
love moments...
love thoughts...
love all around..
but love here is deep deep inside..
throbbing.
throbbing so hard..
throbbing so-so-so hard........with pain...
gone are the memories...
gone are the future dreams...
this moment..now..here is all i wanna feel...
alas...so delirious...
it makes me dizzy..
dizzy and tipsy..
and i go blank...
go ZWOIK..
feelingless..
a zombie...now lives in her world of zwoikness....
love comes foward and nestles in my arms..
hugs me tight..and twists me right..
no room to breathe I say....
ahoy..who wants to live..
I wanna die now..
die this very moment..
in the arms of love..
love serenades...
love moments...
love thoughts...
love all around..
but love here is deep deep inside..
throbbing.
throbbing so hard..
throbbing so-so-so hard........with pain...
gone are the memories...
gone are the future dreams...
this moment..now..here is all i wanna feel...
alas...so delirious...
it makes me dizzy..
dizzy and tipsy..
and i go blank...
go ZWOIK..
feelingless..
a zombie...now lives in her world of zwoikness....
CONSPIRER
8th May 2006
Sometimes from the deepest fears...
...Rises the utmost strength one has...
Sometimes from the darkest corners..
...Comes alive the most brightest fantasies...
Sometimes when these sometimes happen..
...One ceases and stops...and wonders...
What is it, which reigns supreme??
Who is it tht decides?
..............When, where, what, who, whom, how?
Someone must be there..
Someone who knows it all..
Someone whom we don't know...
..But a someone who knows us just too well.
Someone who knows the answers to the unanswered questions..
Someone who'll tell us exactly which belief is true...
Someone planning the whole conspiracy..
Someone who knows why the unreasonable things happen...
Go up...go down...go right...go left...
Is he everywhere??
Can he follow me to almost everywhere??
If he's there for everyone.. then why is he wasting time on me??
"Why?", I ask him... and the omnipresent smiles...
"Ok...so tell me the reasons for me atleast"...
...And knowing the answers he still doesn't say...
"Ok say something...something for keeps sake.."
..And through the silence I hear...
"LIVE IT....knowing too much would spoil the fun..."
Sometimes from the deepest fears...
...Rises the utmost strength one has...
Sometimes from the darkest corners..
...Comes alive the most brightest fantasies...
Sometimes when these sometimes happen..
...One ceases and stops...and wonders...
What is it, which reigns supreme??
Who is it tht decides?
..............When, where, what, who, whom, how?
Someone must be there..
Someone who knows it all..
Someone whom we don't know...
..But a someone who knows us just too well.
Someone who knows the answers to the unanswered questions..
Someone who'll tell us exactly which belief is true...
Someone planning the whole conspiracy..
Someone who knows why the unreasonable things happen...
Go up...go down...go right...go left...
Is he everywhere??
Can he follow me to almost everywhere??
If he's there for everyone.. then why is he wasting time on me??
"Why?", I ask him... and the omnipresent smiles...
"Ok...so tell me the reasons for me atleast"...
...And knowing the answers he still doesn't say...
"Ok say something...something for keeps sake.."
..And through the silence I hear...
"LIVE IT....knowing too much would spoil the fun..."
Externalities............
27th April '06
It is the externals..
Yes, the bloody externals...
Yes, the same damn bloody externals
which come in whenever into our lives..
seep in from the strongest corners..
and then sweep us off our feets, unaware.......
In their custody,
In their presence,
With their "we-know-the-right-way"-STANCE..
the internals get lost..
amidst doubts, rights and wrongs...
amidst logistics and logic...
amidst love.....
Vulnerability in the air..
the emotions feelings sob silently..
and life becomes dual..
And a new face..
-the true face..
-the only face..
.
...
.....
"My mask and me.....in a world of externals....seek the true internal"
It is the externals..
Yes, the bloody externals...
Yes, the same damn bloody externals
which come in whenever into our lives..
seep in from the strongest corners..
and then sweep us off our feets, unaware.......
In their custody,
In their presence,
With their "we-know-the-right-way"-STANCE..
the internals get lost..
amidst doubts, rights and wrongs...
amidst logistics and logic...
amidst love.....
Vulnerability in the air..
the emotions feelings sob silently..
and life becomes dual..
And a new face..
-the true face..
-the only face..
.
...
.....
"My mask and me.....in a world of externals....seek the true internal"
In and Out
27th April '06
You were my shadow,
and I was your reflection..I believed it to be so...
But the visions are not the same
and what we imagine may not be true..
Contingencies.... are true...
and the impossibilities do happen..
The beliefs turn sour
and throw up on your faces
And through the looking glass
the impressions changed...
a cracked mirror...
a distorted face.
Huge walls all around
made of stone,
plus there's suffocating silence...
a few scimpers here and there..
but it's just me, all by myself..
no one is here......
A crack again through the baricades...
a stream of light flows in...
a finger holds itself out..
wants me to hold on...
to come out..
and I toy..........................
I held on yet again...
came out, too fast - it may say..
I'm me, the old me yet again
or close to it, if i may say..
But carrying the darkness in me..
the fear of "YET AGAIN" doesn't let it go
You were my shadow,
and I was your reflection..I believed it to be so...
But the visions are not the same
and what we imagine may not be true..
Contingencies.... are true...
and the impossibilities do happen..
The beliefs turn sour
and throw up on your faces
And through the looking glass
the impressions changed...
a cracked mirror...
a distorted face.
Huge walls all around
made of stone,
plus there's suffocating silence...
a few scimpers here and there..
but it's just me, all by myself..
no one is here......
A crack again through the baricades...
a stream of light flows in...
a finger holds itself out..
wants me to hold on...
to come out..
and I toy..........................
I held on yet again...
came out, too fast - it may say..
I'm me, the old me yet again
or close to it, if i may say..
But carrying the darkness in me..
the fear of "YET AGAIN" doesn't let it go
Penned In Red Ink
8th April '06
A walk in peace..
A walk in silence..
A finger entwined with another..
..Connection made...
Conversations flow through silence...
And a verdict without a word..
No judge, no jury...
....the rules are unknown.
A world without argument..
A world without words...
A world where the languages are not told...
A world which became an ancient dream.
Lead me to those gates...
Lead me to those corridors, gardens and the lakes...
A world where these dreams come true..
A corner which is mine...
Lead me to the silence..
Whose music I enjoy..
My tiny hand...holds your finger..
....lead me blindfolded...
Who needs eyes to see the dreams??
A walk in peace..
A walk in silence..
A finger entwined with another..
..Connection made...
Conversations flow through silence...
And a verdict without a word..
No judge, no jury...
....the rules are unknown.
A world without argument..
A world without words...
A world where the languages are not told...
A world which became an ancient dream.
Lead me to those gates...
Lead me to those corridors, gardens and the lakes...
A world where these dreams come true..
A corner which is mine...
Lead me to the silence..
Whose music I enjoy..
My tiny hand...holds your finger..
....lead me blindfolded...
Who needs eyes to see the dreams??
Summoned To Hell
8th April '06
Shrieks, noises, loud dialogues...
...plague the air like a dreaded disease.
My whisper..
......................UNHEARD.
My normal, decibel-level-syllable..
.......................................................UNHEARD, too.
My raised tone, a li'l more than a monotone..
.............................................................still UNHEARD.
My shrieks, screams, yells...all muffed..
............................................and UNHEARD.
My lungs are out...
...but still I'm UNHEARD.
SILENCE...
...a strange silence...
Can't hear my own whisper..
........not even the aloud thoughts..
It's Hell..
....It's the Summon to Hell...
...........the land of the Inhumane Humans...
..................................................................all deaf.
Shrieks, noises, loud dialogues...
...plague the air like a dreaded disease.
My whisper..
......................UNHEARD.
My normal, decibel-level-syllable..
.......................................................UNHEARD, too.
My raised tone, a li'l more than a monotone..
.............................................................still UNHEARD.
My shrieks, screams, yells...all muffed..
............................................and UNHEARD.
My lungs are out...
...but still I'm UNHEARD.
SILENCE...
...a strange silence...
Can't hear my own whisper..
........not even the aloud thoughts..
It's Hell..
....It's the Summon to Hell...
...........the land of the Inhumane Humans...
..................................................................all deaf.
Don't
9th March '06
Don’t listen to the words I utter..
Don’t pay heed to them..
I don’t know how to use them properly….
Don’t judge me..
Don’t say I’m this, I’m that..
You’ve never been me….
Don’t believe the life you see..
Don’t believe the life you lead..
Its shadows tell a different story….
Don’t, don’t, don’t..
I tell you, don’t..
But why would you listen to me?
Don’t listen to the words I utter..
Don’t pay heed to them..
I don’t know how to use them properly….
Don’t judge me..
Don’t say I’m this, I’m that..
You’ve never been me….
Don’t believe the life you see..
Don’t believe the life you lead..
Its shadows tell a different story….
Don’t, don’t, don’t..
I tell you, don’t..
But why would you listen to me?
What's in a name?
9th March '06
SHREEJA… … …
It’s my name…
The sound I identify myself with…
The meaning which attaches itself to my existence…
Shreeja… … … … … … … …
Do you know me if you know my name?
Do you know me if I answer your call?
Do you know me if the sound of Shreeja is a comfortable ring to your ears??
Do you!! ??
No, you don’t…
No, you’ll never know..
Alas, the many masks I wear.
SHREEJA… … …
It’s my name…
The sound I identify myself with…
The meaning which attaches itself to my existence…
Shreeja… … … … … … … …
Do you know me if you know my name?
Do you know me if I answer your call?
Do you know me if the sound of Shreeja is a comfortable ring to your ears??
Do you!! ??
No, you don’t…
No, you’ll never know..
Alas, the many masks I wear.
Permanency?'?'?
9th March ‘06
Permanency.. is a word gone meaningless…
The only word it is used with is its… opposites…
Permanency.. is impermanent..
Or, permanent impermanency..
Whatever..
The point I wanna raise… is…
What are these guarantees for?
Commitments… promises…
When every moment life shows us that..
If anything.. it’s unpredictable..
If anything.. don’t trust..
….it’s gonna break..
If anything.. don’t love..
….it’s gonna pain..
If anything..
….Don’t enter the maze of the illusory permanence..
………You’ll get disillusioned.
Permanency.. is a word gone meaningless…
The only word it is used with is its… opposites…
Permanency.. is impermanent..
Or, permanent impermanency..
Whatever..
The point I wanna raise… is…
What are these guarantees for?
Commitments… promises…
When every moment life shows us that..
If anything.. it’s unpredictable..
If anything.. don’t trust..
….it’s gonna break..
If anything.. don’t love..
….it’s gonna pain..
If anything..
….Don’t enter the maze of the illusory permanence..
………You’ll get disillusioned.
Tuitons
14th December '05
shuffles...sheets..scribbles...sounds....
sounds...small sounds....
sounds signified..
What am i?
What am i doing here?
I'm not aware..
I donot know..
I exist in today's world..
Coz...I have no place to recluse..
In my mind...I recluse..
While I'm in this world...
See me smile..see me joke...
See me do wat normal people do..
But trust me , i'm not so normal..
a teeny bit tipsy
a teeny bit melancholy
a teeny bit maybe abnormal...
What led me to such a state..
I just do not know
Wat made me so.....reasons i forget.
No capacity to reason...all logic apparated..
An invisible existence is all i plead..
HEY WORLD!! please leave me alone...
Some matrix problems in heads of dozens here..
Some numbers, figures..
They all try to figure out..
Guess they can't figure out ...
I'm not with them...
I can't care lesser abt these symbols, figures and nos.
I'm just in hiding..hiding..hiding..
I'm an outlaw...
Guns in my pockets...hidden..
Sorry..not guns...
Bombs.....time bombs..
Wrapped around my body..
clinging to it..
It ticks away to time...
I can hear the ticking...it's close to me...
And I wait too..for it to explode...
explosion to kill me...to tear me to pieces...
explosion which will give me peace.....at last..
I'm amazed at myself...one can be so many things....
One never imagined one cud be...
Not slept for days...it seems...
But not an ounce of sleep in my eyes...
Scared of nightmares....
What can be worse than this?
But still i'm scared of nightmares!
What's ticking in my head?
Is my brain throbbing now?
Or is it getting bored and playing the sea of pain in there?
I look right...i look left..smile now and then..
Tick the answers which has been explained...
But wat answer?a, b, c or do?
Which options i ticked.....Y?
Do I have any clue?
No, none watsoever..
Are these options for me...is the first question?...
Propping in my head...
HAH..it's questions only..
Questions are all that i have..questions...
My mind is a collection of questions...
for some it's a bank of knowledge..
for me it's a vault of questions..
A vault without a key..not even a password..
Just a closed vault...with a slot....like a piggy bank...
"oink" it says with every new entrant to it...
Mr. Belly-so-fat Piggy Vault........ur soon gonna burst....
The last many minutes i tried to push my brain..along with the many here...
Tried to hook then onto the chain...
Such that it tags and chugs with them....
But my loop is loose..and i got left behind...
can't cope up with the load.....
can't even drop it...
A dilemma..to do or not to do?
I guess I'll walk with my own pace with the load...til......tilll.....I get run over..
or jus collapse...
My hair strands are there...
they spread around my eyes...
camouflage my face...and help me be with me...
veiled from the world.
still in it- it apprears...I'm with me and in me....
Or is that also a false conclusion?
another question...whose answer i fail to find...
I'm a dim-wit........
...........................trapped in the darkness of ignorance
shuffles...sheets..scribbles...sounds....
sounds...small sounds....
sounds signified..
What am i?
What am i doing here?
I'm not aware..
I donot know..
I exist in today's world..
Coz...I have no place to recluse..
In my mind...I recluse..
While I'm in this world...
See me smile..see me joke...
See me do wat normal people do..
But trust me , i'm not so normal..
a teeny bit tipsy
a teeny bit melancholy
a teeny bit maybe abnormal...
What led me to such a state..
I just do not know
Wat made me so.....reasons i forget.
No capacity to reason...all logic apparated..
An invisible existence is all i plead..
HEY WORLD!! please leave me alone...
Some matrix problems in heads of dozens here..
Some numbers, figures..
They all try to figure out..
Guess they can't figure out ...
I'm not with them...
I can't care lesser abt these symbols, figures and nos.
I'm just in hiding..hiding..hiding..
I'm an outlaw...
Guns in my pockets...hidden..
Sorry..not guns...
Bombs.....time bombs..
Wrapped around my body..
clinging to it..
It ticks away to time...
I can hear the ticking...it's close to me...
And I wait too..for it to explode...
explosion to kill me...to tear me to pieces...
explosion which will give me peace.....at last..
I'm amazed at myself...one can be so many things....
One never imagined one cud be...
Not slept for days...it seems...
But not an ounce of sleep in my eyes...
Scared of nightmares....
What can be worse than this?
But still i'm scared of nightmares!
What's ticking in my head?
Is my brain throbbing now?
Or is it getting bored and playing the sea of pain in there?
I look right...i look left..smile now and then..
Tick the answers which has been explained...
But wat answer?a, b, c or do?
Which options i ticked.....Y?
Do I have any clue?
No, none watsoever..
Are these options for me...is the first question?...
Propping in my head...
HAH..it's questions only..
Questions are all that i have..questions...
My mind is a collection of questions...
for some it's a bank of knowledge..
for me it's a vault of questions..
A vault without a key..not even a password..
Just a closed vault...with a slot....like a piggy bank...
"oink" it says with every new entrant to it...
Mr. Belly-so-fat Piggy Vault........ur soon gonna burst....
The last many minutes i tried to push my brain..along with the many here...
Tried to hook then onto the chain...
Such that it tags and chugs with them....
But my loop is loose..and i got left behind...
can't cope up with the load.....
can't even drop it...
A dilemma..to do or not to do?
I guess I'll walk with my own pace with the load...til......tilll.....I get run over..
or jus collapse...
My hair strands are there...
they spread around my eyes...
camouflage my face...and help me be with me...
veiled from the world.
still in it- it apprears...I'm with me and in me....
Or is that also a false conclusion?
another question...whose answer i fail to find...
I'm a dim-wit........
...........................trapped in the darkness of ignorance
Ancient Echoes
1st March '06
Distant voices…..echo and then fade into the distance.
Distant thoughts come and then go away too soon.
And in between them the gaps.. the vacuum..
These ancient, rudimentary particles..
What are they for?
Are they still ancient or just labeled so?
Maybe a heirloom, eroded..
…hollow without the spirit.
A bald head…a hairless tomb..
A glistening relic…
An irony…
Or are the spirits jostling…
Broken pieces of earthenware…
Spilled and now free, the runny flows everywhere..
Where to?
Where thither thee??
Distant voices…..echo and then fade into the distance.
Distant thoughts come and then go away too soon.
And in between them the gaps.. the vacuum..
These ancient, rudimentary particles..
What are they for?
Are they still ancient or just labeled so?
Maybe a heirloom, eroded..
…hollow without the spirit.
A bald head…a hairless tomb..
A glistening relic…
An irony…
Or are the spirits jostling…
Broken pieces of earthenware…
Spilled and now free, the runny flows everywhere..
Where to?
Where thither thee??
Living Memories
14th December '03
Old, torn, scribbled pieces of paper...
A dog on the road and a playing child,
A song with beautiful lyrics
...they all trigger something.
The moon, the stars and the shade of sky,
A cup of coffee and a picture on the bedside,
Echoing conversations inside, between my two ears
...push me away from this world.
Dreams which I see- be it day or night,
A cherished gift and a greeting card,
A packet full of treasured rubbish
...excite me, remind me of you.
Unspoken words, unfulfilled yearning,
Salty water on smiling lips,
A letter addressed but delivered not,
...just watch the time tick away...
Old, torn, scribbled pieces of paper...
A dog on the road and a playing child,
A song with beautiful lyrics
...they all trigger something.
The moon, the stars and the shade of sky,
A cup of coffee and a picture on the bedside,
Echoing conversations inside, between my two ears
...push me away from this world.
Dreams which I see- be it day or night,
A cherished gift and a greeting card,
A packet full of treasured rubbish
...excite me, remind me of you.
Unspoken words, unfulfilled yearning,
Salty water on smiling lips,
A letter addressed but delivered not,
...just watch the time tick away...
Moment...
5th October '03
The moment had lingered for a second
............and then moved on...
But me, No!... I stayed on...
Looking for the dropping sand particles
In the maze of time
I dunno where? - I got stuck.
Is it past, present or future?
Or a dream, maybe a nightmare?
I don't know.
I just want the moment to be there,
I desire it to be omnipresent,
I demand it to be revealed, yet again.
I dream for it, I yearn for it.
But, the moment had...lingered for a second
............and then moved on...
...But I stayed on.
The moment had lingered for a second
............and then moved on...
But me, No!... I stayed on...
Looking for the dropping sand particles
In the maze of time
I dunno where? - I got stuck.
Is it past, present or future?
Or a dream, maybe a nightmare?
I don't know.
I just want the moment to be there,
I desire it to be omnipresent,
I demand it to be revealed, yet again.
I dream for it, I yearn for it.
But, the moment had...lingered for a second
............and then moved on...
...But I stayed on.
Enlightenment
Divinity descending and coming so close,
Im expanding but my weight is no more.
The seeping sensation of growing oneness,
Oneness with thy oneself.
There is love, love so pure
Penetrating into every pore.
Enraptured with grace my heart overflows,
Empowers my mind and connects me above,
I'm blessed, I bless you and we bless all.
All the whys get answered
And I'm at peace, the illuminated me,
For there's reason behind all..
I do... thee.
I.... do thee.
I....do....thee...
Climbing high on a ladder already high
I do not reach for the stars,
They come down to me.
Im expanding but my weight is no more.
The seeping sensation of growing oneness,
Oneness with thy oneself.
There is love, love so pure
Penetrating into every pore.
Enraptured with grace my heart overflows,
Empowers my mind and connects me above,
I'm blessed, I bless you and we bless all.
All the whys get answered
And I'm at peace, the illuminated me,
For there's reason behind all..
I do... thee.
I.... do thee.
I....do....thee...
Climbing high on a ladder already high
I do not reach for the stars,
They come down to me.
Black Out
31st October '03
Darkness prevails...day and night in my little world.
There is this faint light, ray of hope
which flickers now and then
but then dies...and so do I, a hundred deaths everyday...
...everyday... series of living hell and ecstatic deaths
in the blackness, lightless, grave silence.
Silene incenses my world,
I have but, all but peace...
Darned with concern regarding someone
and laced with the same someone's behaviour patternata
the heart leaps to and fro
From dungeons to heights,
From peaks to deep valleys... all in a jiffy.
My world is not of woe,
Neither of wet weeping, nor of yelping cries...
Here the unspoken words reside,
Imprisoned are the feelings,
And emotions bleed gracefully, painfully but uncomplainingly.
Dream shells are scattered on the sand, beside the turbulent sea,
But they fool the eyes like a mirage...
Stooping to pick them, I get nothing but sand, which also slips away...
I'm left with nothing
Nothing is what i get out of all i wanted,
And without that, in my eyes, in my heart,
I"M NOTHING!
Darkness prevails...day and night in my little world.
There is this faint light, ray of hope
which flickers now and then
but then dies...and so do I, a hundred deaths everyday...
...everyday... series of living hell and ecstatic deaths
in the blackness, lightless, grave silence.
Silene incenses my world,
I have but, all but peace...
Darned with concern regarding someone
and laced with the same someone's behaviour patternata
the heart leaps to and fro
From dungeons to heights,
From peaks to deep valleys... all in a jiffy.
My world is not of woe,
Neither of wet weeping, nor of yelping cries...
Here the unspoken words reside,
Imprisoned are the feelings,
And emotions bleed gracefully, painfully but uncomplainingly.
Dream shells are scattered on the sand, beside the turbulent sea,
But they fool the eyes like a mirage...
Stooping to pick them, I get nothing but sand, which also slips away...
I'm left with nothing
Nothing is what i get out of all i wanted,
And without that, in my eyes, in my heart,
I"M NOTHING!
Gypsy Chimera
28th September '05
torrent torrid..
migratory music..
vagabond mind..
santoor and table beats..
ragas and alap..
candles..water..light..
eyes and beauty..
beauty and eyes..
your eyes..
my eyes..
no barriers..
A hand raised..
a finger touches me..
Don't do that..
I'll die..
Please don't..
I'd forgotten the feel of you....
I'm too weak..
I'll melt totally..
I can't take the ecstacy of your touch..
aroma..sizzles..
and then fizzles..
tears..
I'd said "No" and u went away..
AS IF A DREAM
or a floating-fleeting nightmare.
torrent torrid..
migratory music..
vagabond mind..
santoor and table beats..
ragas and alap..
candles..water..light..
eyes and beauty..
beauty and eyes..
your eyes..
my eyes..
no barriers..
A hand raised..
a finger touches me..
Don't do that..
I'll die..
Please don't..
I'd forgotten the feel of you....
I'm too weak..
I'll melt totally..
I can't take the ecstacy of your touch..
aroma..sizzles..
and then fizzles..
tears..
I'd said "No" and u went away..
AS IF A DREAM
or a floating-fleeting nightmare.
Spoof
19th September '05
this is it...
this is what i like...
communicating to you...
expressing to u...
with words...
whether written or spoken...
words are generally enough but…
nowadays they don't seem so.
i seem to have a way with words...
but it seems at times they refuse to have a way with me.
i'm trapped in this cage...
they call this cage utopia…
i live here..
and when somebody knocks on the door...
i despair..
when reality meets my world...
when my dreams come true....
they suddenly spring with so much more...
i just then cannot take....
silent sobs....
and bursting air bubbles....
spoof....
all's gone in the air...
this is it...
this is what i like...
communicating to you...
expressing to u...
with words...
whether written or spoken...
words are generally enough but…
nowadays they don't seem so.
i seem to have a way with words...
but it seems at times they refuse to have a way with me.
i'm trapped in this cage...
they call this cage utopia…
i live here..
and when somebody knocks on the door...
i despair..
when reality meets my world...
when my dreams come true....
they suddenly spring with so much more...
i just then cannot take....
silent sobs....
and bursting air bubbles....
spoof....
all's gone in the air...
A White Candle Burns
The wick’s on fire
And the wax melts
Slowly, it burns and glows
No ashes just burnt wax….
From a white candle to burnt wax
The flame’s there…
…not burning the candle now, it’s burnt
But burning the candle’s soul…
Fiery…smelting….glistening
….the soul of candle burns…
….for seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks….
…..it burns without wax…
…..just burns
smoulders….
And the wax melts
Slowly, it burns and glows
No ashes just burnt wax….
From a white candle to burnt wax
The flame’s there…
…not burning the candle now, it’s burnt
But burning the candle’s soul…
Fiery…smelting….glistening
….the soul of candle burns…
….for seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks….
…..it burns without wax…
…..just burns
smoulders….
What is this?
What’s the mechanics of me?
Oscillating from here to there…
Only the time realizes I’m there.
I wanna jus’ die..
Fall to the ground..
And shred to piece…
Why do I feel so restless?
As if the thing inside me, which moves..
Will kill me…
Or make me impair.
It doesn’t even move…
Kinda creeps about inside…
In a swallowing manner.
And it is swallowing me..
I’m already in its grip..
Totally gone.
But still I speak,
My last words..
The last cry for help..
Or maybe…
It’s just the realization…
Sinking in…
Oscillating from here to there…
Only the time realizes I’m there.
I wanna jus’ die..
Fall to the ground..
And shred to piece…
Why do I feel so restless?
As if the thing inside me, which moves..
Will kill me…
Or make me impair.
It doesn’t even move…
Kinda creeps about inside…
In a swallowing manner.
And it is swallowing me..
I’m already in its grip..
Totally gone.
But still I speak,
My last words..
The last cry for help..
Or maybe…
It’s just the realization…
Sinking in…
The Nude In The Matter
5th October '03
Tear out the covers which hide it
Shed the veils of shame,
The nude in the matter
Is throbbing with pain.
Stare at it hard … really hard …
With autumn the leaves have all fallen.
Decipher the code, the gesture, the emotions
Before, new leaves cloak its breasts.
Who can take the barren winter?
Who can be pierced with its chills?
Not you, not me, not anyone,
We’re too petrified, too afraid.
It takes an honest eye
Which peeps from its soul
To pull the sheets
And delve into the stark nakedness.
Tear out the covers which hide it
Shed the veils of shame,
The nude in the matter
Is throbbing with pain.
Stare at it hard … really hard …
With autumn the leaves have all fallen.
Decipher the code, the gesture, the emotions
Before, new leaves cloak its breasts.
Who can take the barren winter?
Who can be pierced with its chills?
Not you, not me, not anyone,
We’re too petrified, too afraid.
It takes an honest eye
Which peeps from its soul
To pull the sheets
And delve into the stark nakedness.
Beyond The Horizon
12th September '03
Beyond the horizon where my eyes can’t reach,
My heart sees him, waiting, waiting for me.
“Can he see me too?” is what I ask myself.
Answers I get none, not one.
But still my heart believes, it’s me who he wants.
Visibility of my sight organs is perfect
But still it’s impaired with the engulfing fog.
Will I reach the end of my rainbow?
Where he, my treasure stands.
Trying not to see, letting my heart beat
I just walk and never stop.
Getting pulled by a force, my steps comply,
Reaching the horizon would I know
What destiny has in store for me?
Beyond the horizon where my eyes can’t reach,
My heart sees him, waiting, waiting for me.
“Can he see me too?” is what I ask myself.
Answers I get none, not one.
But still my heart believes, it’s me who he wants.
Visibility of my sight organs is perfect
But still it’s impaired with the engulfing fog.
Will I reach the end of my rainbow?
Where he, my treasure stands.
Trying not to see, letting my heart beat
I just walk and never stop.
Getting pulled by a force, my steps comply,
Reaching the horizon would I know
What destiny has in store for me?
Que Sera Sera
21st December '04
This meandering road, twisted and turned …
Narrow, sometimes wide …
Laden with spring boughs
And at times bare
With frozen winter chills
I know not where it will take me?
Will I dip in blue seas?
And become a lost mermaid
Fascinated by the world beneath.
OR
Will I feel the winds strong and stride
Higher and higher and more high
With my wings as a swan goose
Honking away to glory with my flock.
OR
Will I be the ever-so-colorful
With intoxicant whiffs of fragrance
A never wither flower
Delighting you with my wildness
Until the moment
I’m trampled.
This meandering road, twisted and turned …
Narrow, sometimes wide …
Laden with spring boughs
And at times bare
With frozen winter chills
I know not where it will take me?
Will I dip in blue seas?
And become a lost mermaid
Fascinated by the world beneath.
OR
Will I feel the winds strong and stride
Higher and higher and more high
With my wings as a swan goose
Honking away to glory with my flock.
OR
Will I be the ever-so-colorful
With intoxicant whiffs of fragrance
A never wither flower
Delighting you with my wildness
Until the moment
I’m trampled.
The Scarred Heart
29th August '02
The utter feeling of desolation and abandonment, is it true? Or is it my misconception?
The fear which resides inside me is restless today. Is it without reason?
The time has come to face the facts, facts which were blinded with hope.
Yes it’s show time, remove the curtains and let reality speak for itself.
Let there be no lies, no postponements, no reassurances.
Heart-ache is destined; let the knife cut it today than tomorrow.
The shimmering scarlet stream accompanied with salty teardrops flow.
Let it flow among time’s ebb and flow and take the pain away.
Pain with agonies and delights of true love.
Love so incomplete and yet complete with the pain.
Love, yes complete, complete in the way a person breathes,
Breathes to live and dies to abandon pain.
The utter feeling of desolation and abandonment, is it true? Or is it my misconception?
The fear which resides inside me is restless today. Is it without reason?
The time has come to face the facts, facts which were blinded with hope.
Yes it’s show time, remove the curtains and let reality speak for itself.
Let there be no lies, no postponements, no reassurances.
Heart-ache is destined; let the knife cut it today than tomorrow.
The shimmering scarlet stream accompanied with salty teardrops flow.
Let it flow among time’s ebb and flow and take the pain away.
Pain with agonies and delights of true love.
Love so incomplete and yet complete with the pain.
Love, yes complete, complete in the way a person breathes,
Breathes to live and dies to abandon pain.
Reflections
3rd January '05
Each night brings with it
A thousand questions
A million dreams
A trillion stars
A single moon
And also a dread, that I fear...
What if? I can’t discern my shadow …
What if? It’s just not there …
What if? It’s walked away …
What if? I just lose it …
What if? It never comes back …
What if? I can’t find it …
What if? It refuses to return …
What if? I just can’t reflect …
The moon looks at me in the eye
The stars light up to brighten my destiny
And the thousand questions remain unanswered.
But, someone whispers into my heart,
“Your shadow is yours,
It belongs to you. ”
Each night brings with it
A thousand questions
A million dreams
A trillion stars
A single moon
And also a dread, that I fear...
What if? I can’t discern my shadow …
What if? It’s just not there …
What if? It’s walked away …
What if? I just lose it …
What if? It never comes back …
What if? I can’t find it …
What if? It refuses to return …
What if? I just can’t reflect …
The moon looks at me in the eye
The stars light up to brighten my destiny
And the thousand questions remain unanswered.
But, someone whispers into my heart,
“Your shadow is yours,
It belongs to you. ”
A Peak into Goldie's World
January '05
Hi! I’m Goldie, a goldfish in a round bowl in the middle of a drawing room of a very interesting family. I have a whole table to myself, obviously round. And the strategic positioning of the table on which I reside gives me the best view of the drawing room, every nook and corner inclusive.
Today, in the afternoon came Mrs. Agarwal’s best friend Mrs. Almera with her not so tiny daughter, Tina who seemed like the perfect disaster, leaking at all times from all places with accompanied scary noises. Had Earth been my own kingdom she’d be banished from it long time back. The foolish girl first tried to scare me off by tapping on the glass surface. As if I don’t know that she’ll have to break the glass to get through to me from the sides of the bowl and she’ll hurt herself first. What do these humans expect? I’ll run helter-skelter. No way. But then to make things worse she took fancy to me and tried to poison the water I live in, my life’s sustenance and for a moment I really felt as if death was there, somewhere very near.
But as they say, “every cloud has a silver lining”, then came my martyr Kanav, ‘kanu’ as they call him and saved me from the little witch’s shadow. He’s 2 years old (a year elder to me-just perfect) and today (blush, blush and more blush) he kissed me, and that too a chocolate kiss, of course not in front of everyone. Mmmmmmmm… first kiss, feels like heaven, doesn’t it? To me too, it felt like heaven with gulps of water, while sliding on a glass barricade. But anyway, first kiss is first kiss, and Kanu is an adorable darling and everyone loves him, but he loves me. By the way he calls me “Goee” with love. (A sigh, a double sigh). But one’s fate is one’s fate and I have a fish’s fate, not even a mermaid’s, dammit.
Now here comes Mr. Agarwal walking in his entire prime with his head-up-so-high, but I wonder why? Coz whenever I look up I see nothing interesting in this house, just the ceiling. He was the one who brought me into this family but since then he’s never even glanced at me, never given me those morsels they serve as food to me. That time at the shop when he queried about me I felt as if he cared, but I was wrong- he was just buying a piece of furniture. If it hadn’t been for Radha, their maidservant who would know, I might have starved. And now even after all the work she’s been doing since morning, the master of the house is shouting at her and she’s listening quietly. I know she hurts, she tells me sometimes. He’s now telling her that she has no value for money, he, who with all his money could just buy me loneliness. All he could afford in the fishery was a single goldfish.
Hi! I’m Goldie, a goldfish in a round bowl in the middle of a drawing room of a very interesting family. I have a whole table to myself, obviously round. And the strategic positioning of the table on which I reside gives me the best view of the drawing room, every nook and corner inclusive.
Today, in the afternoon came Mrs. Agarwal’s best friend Mrs. Almera with her not so tiny daughter, Tina who seemed like the perfect disaster, leaking at all times from all places with accompanied scary noises. Had Earth been my own kingdom she’d be banished from it long time back. The foolish girl first tried to scare me off by tapping on the glass surface. As if I don’t know that she’ll have to break the glass to get through to me from the sides of the bowl and she’ll hurt herself first. What do these humans expect? I’ll run helter-skelter. No way. But then to make things worse she took fancy to me and tried to poison the water I live in, my life’s sustenance and for a moment I really felt as if death was there, somewhere very near.
But as they say, “every cloud has a silver lining”, then came my martyr Kanav, ‘kanu’ as they call him and saved me from the little witch’s shadow. He’s 2 years old (a year elder to me-just perfect) and today (blush, blush and more blush) he kissed me, and that too a chocolate kiss, of course not in front of everyone. Mmmmmmmm… first kiss, feels like heaven, doesn’t it? To me too, it felt like heaven with gulps of water, while sliding on a glass barricade. But anyway, first kiss is first kiss, and Kanu is an adorable darling and everyone loves him, but he loves me. By the way he calls me “Goee” with love. (A sigh, a double sigh). But one’s fate is one’s fate and I have a fish’s fate, not even a mermaid’s, dammit.
Now here comes Mr. Agarwal walking in his entire prime with his head-up-so-high, but I wonder why? Coz whenever I look up I see nothing interesting in this house, just the ceiling. He was the one who brought me into this family but since then he’s never even glanced at me, never given me those morsels they serve as food to me. That time at the shop when he queried about me I felt as if he cared, but I was wrong- he was just buying a piece of furniture. If it hadn’t been for Radha, their maidservant who would know, I might have starved. And now even after all the work she’s been doing since morning, the master of the house is shouting at her and she’s listening quietly. I know she hurts, she tells me sometimes. He’s now telling her that she has no value for money, he, who with all his money could just buy me loneliness. All he could afford in the fishery was a single goldfish.
Mid-Autumn Festivities
19th September '05
A lonely planet rotated...
revoluted and rotated
...round and round
in the ellipse of the elliptical orbit....
Which galaxy?, which solar system?....
not even the star it went around did it know...
...it just spun in the cosmic
...the motion, just a motion....
No asteroids came its way..
not even meteroids...
if they did....
it gently smiled them away..
with grace just stepped aside...
and next with a sombre turn,
in motion again...............
It had a knight in shining armour once..
an angel... in disguise besotted..
like mates, like inseparable pairs...
they'd done the dance in space...
with swirls and whirls..
and crazy turns....
....the motion, a merry motion...
Some forces unknown....
some out of control balances...
catapulted the moon away...
away to an unknown planet..
it neither knew nor loved.....
The dislocated planet is still in motion...
while its waters, and streams,
oceans and seas..
..just go haywire...
And somewhere far off....
they eat the moon...
with festivities......
.. A mid Autumn Occasion
...for festivities.
A lonely planet rotated...
revoluted and rotated
...round and round
in the ellipse of the elliptical orbit....
Which galaxy?, which solar system?....
not even the star it went around did it know...
...it just spun in the cosmic
...the motion, just a motion....
No asteroids came its way..
not even meteroids...
if they did....
it gently smiled them away..
with grace just stepped aside...
and next with a sombre turn,
in motion again...............
It had a knight in shining armour once..
an angel... in disguise besotted..
like mates, like inseparable pairs...
they'd done the dance in space...
with swirls and whirls..
and crazy turns....
....the motion, a merry motion...
Some forces unknown....
some out of control balances...
catapulted the moon away...
away to an unknown planet..
it neither knew nor loved.....
The dislocated planet is still in motion...
while its waters, and streams,
oceans and seas..
..just go haywire...
And somewhere far off....
they eat the moon...
with festivities......
.. A mid Autumn Occasion
...for festivities.
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