Li'l Scribbles: depths

Showing posts with label depths. Show all posts

The Calling

December '2014

I sat on the beach with my legs sunk in sand and chin on my knees
wearing a veil of hair
having a conversation with the ocean.
He was luring me, teasing me, inviting me.
He was succeeding.
He made me want to walk into his arms,
just right into him,
deeper and deeper still.

I didn't care if I couldn't breathe.
I didn't care if I would drown.
I didn't care at all.
Who listens to their heads when their hearts ruled?

It wasn't the first time.
He had come knocking onto my window with rain,
had played with my hair and driven me mad.

He left messages everywhere.
In small glass bottles with cork heads
he'd sent me love spells
sometimes as sand, sometimes as salt candies and sometimes even poetry.

The voodoo worked.
With white champas adorning my hair
I danced slowly into him
and he welcomed me with a roar and wave.

I got wet...
...never to dry again.

Things Fall Apart

22nd January '14

This book is a masterpiece... atleast for me. Can't wait to start on the #2 of the trilogy.

Brings alive old Nigeria and its rich culture just before its colonization. And when the conflict comes about, it's not only a conflict between two religions, but between a lot of aspects, incomparable aspects - way of existence, richness in history, identity, roots, beliefs & so much more....

“There is no story that is not true, [...] The world has no end, and what is good among one people is an abomination with others.”

The patriarch Okonkwo's dilemmas, decisions and actions give a feel of insecurity, strength, pride, failure, need for approval and recognition and sketches a portrait of a man who believes what is taught to him and puts his might into bettering his situation, not without his weak moments though.

“Perhaps down in his heart Okonkwo was not a cruel man. But his whole life was dominated by fear, the fear of failure and of weakness.It was deeper and more intimate that the fear of evil and capricious gods and of magic, the fear of the forest, and of the forces of nature, malevolent, red in tooth and claw. Okonkwo’s fear was greater than these. It was not external but lay deep within himself.”

What was really interesting and heart-warming are the snippets of old Igbo sayings, stories and songs.

“Mosquito [...] had asked Ear to marry him, whereupon Ear fell on the floor in uncontrollable laughter. "How much longer do you think you will live?" she asked. "You are already a skeleton." Mosquito went away humiliated, and any time he passed her way he told Ear that he was still alive.”

On my way

21st June '13

I’m stuck around the corner

so stuck I cannot move

a wedge is there

sharp and pointed and hurting

I’ll wear a gown of feathers blue and fly to you

all the soothing soothe

in the brooding mood

down down down

underwater

I’ll wrap a saree of scales green and swim to you

let the wind blow

let the storms wail

I’ll journey still

godspeed

I”ll grow a cloak of mane chestnut-brown and gallop to you with wind in my hair

Excerpts from the lash

10th June '12

My heart is missing
and I cannot breathe
I'm living, not dead yet.
why me? why you? why us?
I ask myself, you and the darkness
no answers yet. no light yet.
I'm zigzagging through the world, the tasks
while I'm shattering into pieces.
I'm trying to hold myself together
but the pieces are lost.
I wonder again. Am I sure? Could this be me? Alive.
I pinch myself, I bite myself, I feel it.
I must be living.
Then how come I feel like dead?

sunshine
morning sunshine
happy sunshine
sunshine showers
sunshine yellow
rainbow sunshine
lovely sunshine
lifegiving sunshine
too much sunshine
warm sunshine
sunshine, too hot
I'm burning sunshine
ashes full of sunshine

Something is moving inside me.
Something, Someone is there
Otherwise how could I have handled it till now?
Something is alive, which is helping me function,
Write, do things, talk.
'Hello, Something Someone inside me
Please take over, completely
I can't carry on
Please.'

Sense and Sensitivity

8th October '11

Loss
Deep loss
Mourning
Bellowing mourning

Mirth died today
With it the youthful joy

Do you belief in rebirth?

--

Oh so the mourning is for a death
That happened a while ago?

So what's with today?

Why is today cast in gloom
Of a shadow which hovered a while ago?

Did u not see then?
Did u not hear then?
Where were you then?

--

These seas of silence
This silent despair
I cannot take anymore

These few words
So heavy with darker meaning
This dreamless night
So cloudy with thoughts
I cannot take anymore

These trembles, So delirious with loneliness
This me, So brimming
I cannot take anymore

drown down

27th Aug '11

It takes a deep dive
Right in
In the deep depths
It takes in a long breadth
And and tries to stay underwater
But what comes in goes out
So it floats up.

Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

splintered sentiments about one's home

19th January '10

It’s a weird mixed feeling about ‘home’ in my head (mainly it’s the heart, I guess).

I don’t know where my real home is, anymore! At least I don’t have it in total anywhere. It’s fragmented and is all over the place.

I get a little feel of it as I open the door to our apartment of some months. I get a little feel of it when I sip the morning tea, prepared exactly (almost) as always.
I get a little feel of it when I know exactly where to put what, and where what is.
I get a little feel of it when I lie in his arms and lull into sleep. And then it seems almost complete.

But I also call Cal my home, where now I don’t live anymore.
It’s I guess a sense of familiarity, knowing where what is, there which makes it home.
It’s also a sense of tuning into a system consciously and unconsciously, over the years.
It’s also a sense of belonging to a city, so full of friends, family and closed ones. Not to forget the memories contained in every fore.

It’s also home where my mommy lives. It’s also home where my daddy lives. It’s also home where I grew up with my bro. It’s also home, where my wedded lived his growing years. It’s also home in all those places where some months I lived before. And in many ways it’s also not home there.

It’s home now where I live with my mate. But somehow, the feeling of toto seems to be fragmented and strewn about everywhere.

They say home is where the heart is. But my heart is in so many places, with so many people and so many memories.

Threshold

23rd July '09

Stretched out my hand
out of the window
to grasp a handful of sky.
And it poured.
Right then
onto my palm.

Something's missing
Can't find it..

Have been looking awhile now..
Looked into the past,
Peered through the present,
And stared right past the deep oblivion.

Something's missing
Can't find it..

To disturb a deep slumber.
To expect liveliness.
To show you're alive
To look for passion.
To shake.
To inflame.
To disturb a deep slumber.
How?
When one sleeps while you write.

I'm on a journey to sanity.
Please call me back.
Cause you know..
I know..
We all know..
Once I reach
I'm never coming back.