All I wanted was some unaccounted time

8^th March 2015

All I wanted was some unaccounted time…

Some air to play with my curls

Some conversation to rekindle my heart

Something timeless

Something not mundane

All I wanted was some unaccounted time…

To look beyond the obvious

To shake away the doubts

To feel it in my bones again

To reconnect like that once again

All I wanted was some unaccounted time…

But it was not to be

But it was too impractical

But the but of all buts…

But the elements did not conspire

All I wanted was some unaccounted time…

It was not only for me

It was for us

It was… It was… It was…

It was for us to be

All I wanted was some unaccounted time…

Was it too much?

Was it difficult?

Was it missed?

Was it wanted, at all?

All I wanted was some unaccounted time…

How do I go home?

18th January 2015

Why does it happen still?
After all these years?
The weirdness creeps in.
And the world spins.

You don't know which road to take.
How will you go home?
What is home?
Where is home?

In Calcutta?
In Delhi?
In Hyderbad?
In Mumbai?
In all the houses I've lived in?
Where all my loved ones live?
My mom's house?
Where my brother lives?
Where my beloved grew up?
Where my love resides?

Is it where I breathe the lightest?
In his arms?
In the pause in a poem?
In a tune's smile?

In me?
A place?
A place which is eternal.
Where I've often paused and rested awhile.

In all the lives I've lived?
Is it the body in which my soul lives?
Is it in a shelf in outer space?

I'm confused.
I wanna go home.
Where is it?

it flows again

18th January 2015

so it flows again
slowly, it hesitates.
stops and then starts again.
its been a long time
so it hesitates
but it flows again.

the pierced.
the wound.
had bettered
not healed.
it trickles again.

don't. don't. don't be hard.
don't push it. it's gentle. it's vulnerable. it'll crumble. yet again.

it be said. it's been said. it be said again.
eternal cycles of flood and drought reign and will do so.
sometimes more. sometimes less.
but always something. always something.
never nothing. never nothing.
always something.

Where have the butterflies gone?

December '2014

Where have the butterflies gone?

They have flown into another dimension
    where the birds won't eat their eggs..

They are in hiding
    waiting to spring up all together
        and startle me..

They are planning a surprise party
    under the hedges
        for it's the moth's second birthday..

They are meditating
    to learn to levitate
        as flying is to hard..

The Calling

December '2014

I sat on the beach with my legs sunk in sand and chin on my knees
wearing a veil of hair
having a conversation with the ocean.
He was luring me, teasing me, inviting me.
He was succeeding.
He made me want to walk into his arms,
just right into him,
deeper and deeper still.

I didn't care if I couldn't breathe.
I didn't care if I would drown.
I didn't care at all.
Who listens to their heads when their hearts ruled?

It wasn't the first time.
He had come knocking onto my window with rain,
had played with my hair and driven me mad.

He left messages everywhere.
In small glass bottles with cork heads
he'd sent me love spells
sometimes as sand, sometimes as salt candies and sometimes even poetry.

The voodoo worked.
With white champas adorning my hair
I danced slowly into him
and he welcomed me with a roar and wave.

I got wet...                                                
                  ...never to dry again. 

in search of self

Dec ' 2014

acrylic on canvas

with my heart in my hand
I sail the universe
sometimes tiding the sea
sometimes deep beneath

I see a hundred million suns
I see a new world beneath after rock bottom
I see everything as one

the love within me
is the cosmic one
and the cosmos is me

I'm an insignificant speck in the universe
but as significant as the whole universe

the truth is
there are
worlds
within worlds
to the power of infinity
both ways
plus
or minus

Coming Back

November '2014

I came back after a long time
  to live
    to laugh
      to cry.
To hear myself breathe.
To feel the living in me.

I came back to myself.
It's not easy.
It's a journey
through rivers,
    mountains,
      judgemental people
        and situations.
I have to cut through all and emerge

I hold my cloak close.
The crystals shine
  and show me the way..