Tuitons

14th December '05

shuffles...sheets..scribbles...sounds....
sounds...small sounds....
sounds signified..

What am i?
What am i doing here?
I'm not aware..
I donot know..
I exist in today's world..
Coz...I have no place to recluse..

In my mind...I recluse..
While I'm in this world...
See me smile..see me joke...
See me do wat normal people do..
But trust me , i'm not so normal..
a teeny bit tipsy
a teeny bit melancholy
a teeny bit maybe abnormal...

What led me to such a state..
I just do not know
Wat made me so.....reasons i forget.
No capacity to reason...all logic apparated..

An invisible existence is all i plead..
HEY WORLD!! please leave me alone...

Some matrix problems in heads of dozens here..
Some numbers, figures..
They all try to figure out..
Guess they can't figure out ...
I'm not with them...
I can't care lesser abt these symbols, figures and nos.

I'm just in hiding..hiding..hiding..
I'm an outlaw...
Guns in my pockets...hidden..
Sorry..not guns...
Bombs.....time bombs..
Wrapped around my body..
clinging to it..
It ticks away to time...
I can hear the ticking...it's close to me...
And I wait too..for it to explode...
explosion to kill me...to tear me to pieces...
explosion which will give me peace.....at last..

I'm amazed at myself...one can be so many things....
One never imagined one cud be...
Not slept for days...it seems...
But not an ounce of sleep in my eyes...
Scared of nightmares....
What can be worse than this?
But still i'm scared of nightmares!
What's ticking in my head?
Is my brain throbbing now?
Or is it getting bored and playing the sea of pain in there?
I look right...i look left..smile now and then..
Tick the answers which has been explained...
But wat answer?a, b, c or do?
Which options i ticked.....Y?
Do I have any clue?
No, none watsoever..
Are these options for me...is the first question?...
Propping in my head...
HAH..it's questions only..
Questions are all that i have..questions...
My mind is a collection of questions...
for some it's a bank of knowledge..
for me it's a vault of questions..
A vault without a key..not even a password..
Just a closed vault...with a slot....like a piggy bank...
"oink" it says with every new entrant to it...
Mr. Belly-so-fat Piggy Vault........ur soon gonna burst....

The last many minutes i tried to push my brain..along with the many here...
Tried to hook then onto the chain...
Such that it tags and chugs with them....
But my loop is loose..and i got left behind...
can't cope up with the load.....
can't even drop it...
A dilemma..to do or not to do?
I guess I'll walk with my own pace with the load...til......tilll.....I get run over..
or jus collapse...

My hair strands are there...
they spread around my eyes...
camouflage my face...and help me be with me...
veiled from the world.
still in it- it apprears...I'm with me and in me....
Or is that also a false conclusion?
another question...whose answer i fail to find...
I'm a dim-wit........
...........................trapped in the darkness of ignorance