See-Saw

November '10

misty mountains
serenades of sonnets
instantly spreading blotting ink
dropping drops of loneliness
drip drip drop drop
up you go
down you go
seesaw seesaw
mood swings

where's my Julia?

17th October '10

Since when have I started to do with yellow light?

I’m a white light person.

But still my light bothers me now.

Maybe I need darkness, to see light.

Switch off.

Some moments were all I was creating

Before time flew the dust away

But the moments flew away

Even before the wind arrived.

Can’t stop time

Can’t even stop myself from trying to stop it

Now the trying is stopped

And that hurts even more.

Need to rekindle the spirit

Where’s my ‘Julia’ flame for me?

Or do I need to wait till 30 too?

Free Fall

21st September '10

There’s a hole

And you’re curious

It’s natural

It has to be

There’s a hole

And you’re curious

So in you peak

It has to be

But it’s slippery

And you slip

So you’re slipping

It has to be

It’s a ride

And a slip up

So you’re riding

It has to be

Down and down

And you descend

So you’re going under

It has to be

It’s a burrow

And you’re buried

So down under

It has to be

Morrow’s song

15^th sept ‘10

I wanna kiss the darkness

I wanna live the dream

The circles round and round , around the eyes

They deepen

The scars at the joint, they bleed, they dry, the scars

They never heal

I wanna kiss the darkness

I wanna live the dream

You kiss, you love, you plead, you say sorry

You walk, you run, you rush, you come back again

You live, you die, you live, you die, you sleep

You wake up again

It’s the same sunshine

It’s the same rain

It’s the same feeling

It’s the same damn emotion

I wanna kiss the darkness

I wanna live the dream

You look, you search, you find, you assure

You know you’ve found it

The answer to the dark, to the shadows, to the loneliness

You smile, you jump, you dance,

You found your soul again

But some day you find yourself wandering on a highway

Trees and flowers and fence on the left side

You walk with a backpack up the road

Wondering which way is the camp?

I wanna kiss the darkness

I wanna live the dream

Just the other night

14^th Sept ‘10

Tears don’t think nowadays

They just drop.

Missing your touch

As the sky turns dark again

Wish you were here

As I pulled up the covers to snuggle

The warmth against my cold skin

The scuttling of legs

The adjustment which put us at rest

And then your breathing, your snores.

My thoughts at home as I played your hair

My head in place with your heartbeat echo

It was just the other night

It was also the night

When I was mean

It was also the night

When I was in doubt

It was also the night

When I was hurt and I hurt you

I lied

You’re with me

I miss you.

Clinical

13th Aug '10

Going going gone

Whatever remains, lie to it

And push that also away.

In the end it’s just me and me

Me with me.

Just me.

An air bubble floats still.

God know how it survived.

Will someone burst the bubble?

It makes me look back.

Faint thin black lines the nail beneath.

It’s dirt beneath my wings.

How can I fly?

In 2 3 4, out 2 3 4,

Breathe

Breathe

The end is not here still.

Back, Kerala, Water

11th June '10

Twilight amidst earthen lamps

Distant music reverberates the eardrums again

Melts it and drops down like teardrops

The dark blue smears the horizon night

And the twinkles fall to the waters deep

The glow then emerges from deep within.

Promises we hear again

Like dreams they're washed ashore

These songs tug my heart like before

Is it alright?

Are we back there??

The anklets trinklets jingle

The locks fall loose

The eyes are full of hope

And heart of everlasting love songs.

one of those day

6th June '10

She was in the dark, amidst clouds, wet with tears in a chaotic space.

The day changed colour : orange, yellow, grey, white, blue, indigo, black.

She was trying to figure out how to forgive someone who'd apologized for a thought. a thought?

The day was hungry, without any laughter, companionship, ale or bread.

She was sitting and wondering where was she now. Wasn't it all figured?

The day rolled out impossible, dubious with a lot of warnings.

She breathed fire onto all those who trespassed, even remotely.

The day shall come to an end, but not soon enough. There are tasks at hand.

another day

5th June '10

'don't you ever stop writing!' ...someone had told me..

I wish i'd never

But 'they' left me

the spirits, the writing spirits..

no frenzy grips me now

no words come to caress my soul

nothing

in a bubble but not blind

in a pool but the heat gets to me still

an elemental change is happening..

or has it happened already?

What’s life without poetry?

12th April '10

The mundane you do through life, you love, you laugh, you cry, you worry and you think yeah you are living. And you’re probably right!

The truth is this writing has no purpose. 

Maybe it’ll gain perspective as it evolves, but I wouldn’t pin up the hopes too high.

Some hours are empty, but so full of thought

Some days are busy, but so void of thought

It’s thought that you can maybe grasp

It’s the day which you can almost not catch

It’s the hours which rain

All the way down to the base of a stationary Sand Clock

Change is constant

7th April 2010

I guess. 

It is. 

The moment there’s even a mention of it 

lurking around the corner somewhere, 

the mind leaps into a game of hide ‘n’ seek. 

And keeps looking 

as in thinking, verifying, consoling…until..

2 minute blogpost

19th March 2010

I decided to write today, for my blog. Thought I’ll post something…don’t need a huge gap. So I’ll write whatever I can in 2 minutes. And here I am.

Here I am. This is me. Lalalala lala la la la la..

It’s weird getting home after a long gap.

It’s fun meeting someone after a long gap.

It’s a long gap that makes a bridge.

It’s a long gap that makes a hero.

Time flies without wings with a ticktock band.

Pigs can’t fly, then how the swine flu? (kaheen se maara hai shayad)

splintered sentiments about one's home

19th January '10

It’s a weird mixed feeling about ‘home’ in my head (mainly it’s the heart, I guess).

I don’t know where my real home is, anymore! At least I don’t have it in total anywhere. It’s fragmented and is all over the place.

I get a little feel of it as I open the door to our apartment of some months. I get a little feel of it when I sip the morning tea, prepared exactly (almost) as always.
I get a little feel of it when I know exactly where to put what, and where what is.
I get a little feel of it when I lie in his arms and lull into sleep. And then it seems almost complete.

But I also call Cal my home, where now I don’t live anymore.
It’s I guess a sense of familiarity, knowing where what is, there which makes it home.
It’s also a sense of tuning into a system consciously and unconsciously, over the years.
It’s also a sense of belonging to a city, so full of friends, family and closed ones. Not to forget the memories contained in every fore.

It’s also home where my mommy lives. It’s also home where my daddy lives. It’s also home where I grew up with my bro. It’s also home, where my wedded lived his growing years. It’s also home in all those places where some months I lived before. And in many ways it’s also not home there.

It’s home now where I live with my mate. But somehow, the feeling of toto seems to be fragmented and strewn about everywhere.

They say home is where the heart is. But my heart is in so many places, with so many people and so many memories.

For the New Year

2nd January '10

Let the candlelight be the torch for the new year..
In dim light, we'll be with the shadows.
Shadows which play, shadows which haunt,
Shadows that belong.

Let the hope lead our desires for the new year..
In dreams we'll see the petals bloom.
And the positive of every thought we'll sieve to linger, to keep.
In hope, in love, in us we'll bask.

Let the me take over me for the new year..
In the reflection, in the spontaneity I'll discover
The bare me, without biases.
The truth like I'm truly meant to be,