Li'l Scribbles: 2018

Life in Neverwhere

18th Sep '2018

I feel like I'm alive when I wake up from my nightmares
But as the hours pass I begin to lose my life again
Going through the have-toos of the day
I cling to my night pillow
But no sleep comes my way
And when it does, it comes with nightmares

I don't think much
Don't live in the past
Nor do I contemplate the future
I'm not in the moment as well
I'm just lost somewhere
In the abyss of time
A neverwhere

I told you so

15th September '18

you were 18, I was 18

we became friends.

best friends

you were 20, I was 20

we expressed our love to each other

promised eternity

you were my first love. I wasn’t yours

you’re my only love. but am I yours?

if I’ve known love, I’ve known only through you

if I’ve known pain, I’ve known only through you

the smell of you drives me mad. it haunts me

I smell your towels, I smell your shirts,

I smell you and I’m high.

you’re the one, I’ve always loved

you’re the dream, my only dream

the touch of you melts me.

it’s something I can’t do without

it’s something I need to sleep safely at night.

if I’ve known ecstasy, I’ve known only through you

if I’ve known vulnerable threat, I’ve known only through you

I’ve always hung on to your every word

believed every one of them to be true

then why did you lie to me?

I go here, I go there

I look for it everywhere

you’re the one who always gave me peace

what do I do, when you only take it away?

I’m hurting, but I do not say

I’m crying but I do not let the tears drop

I’m holding out my hand to you

But you don’t hold it

is this death?

the death of love?

the triumph of life over everything celestial

then this life without love means nothing to me

this love without longing seems empty to me

and this relationship without trust rings hollow

the earthquake’s epicenter was my everything dear

the foundations and bricks stay scattered around

what do I do with the ruble?

let it be or make house elsewhere?

I try to clean the mess

every tiny bit seems impossible to even pick up

a little speck weighs me down

and I can’t move

I drop it

I let it be

I enter the castle of rubles

strutting my stuff

and wearing my hero cape I sleep

undreaming

this never happened

it’s all in my head.

Foundation’s strong?

One more blow and I’ll break

There will be nothing of me

To speak or die or live

I donno what dreams to see

I donno where to go with you

I donno what to do

I donno what to repair

Do I know anything at all?

Just a false sense of knowing

Resurrections are for gods

We’re mere mortals

Innocence is lost when we grow up

How do we return to it again?

I like the way you say things

It makes my heart flutter

But I’m afraid

Very afraid

I do not know what to think

I see the beauty

I see the love

I see the rainbow

I see the sunshine

But then the clouds come over

And scare me

It’s dark and dirty and slimy

Will these nightmares ever go?

Will these promises be forever?

I always listen to my heart

And my head scolds ‘I told you so”

Creative, Imaginative Little People

27th July 2018

Things, which help in creativity and imagination, are simple things. Things which modern parenting obsessed with growth monitoring of kids’ brains and constant pegging in the genius spectrum leaves little scope for. For those who are still curious, let me spell them out in two points:

1. Let Be: Let them get bored. Let them play with simple everyday objects in an undefined way. Do not interrupt. Do not correct or give instruction. Let them discover, invent and fill up their own space in their own way!

2. Let Do: Everyday tasks. Special tasks. All tasks. So what if they fail? Encourage them to try again. Do not reprimand. In dropping things, in putting them apart and in testing our patience, kids conduct science experiments. Let’s give science, discovery and innovation a chance! Otherwise we’ll fail to give children independence, self-confidence, and formation of their own minds.

Everyday decisions like reading vs. screen, outdoors vs. malls, telling vs. asking, and scolding vs. reasoning go a long way in shaping the little minds. Of course, as adults some reactions come naturally to us. But let’s remember at that juncture that they are little, but fully formed humans. In fact, at this very moment, their brain growth is exponential (80% till age 3, 90% till age 6): meaning they take in 30 times more of the environment than what we can even fathom at a point in time. Sponges!

Let’s pledge to give the little humans the respect they deserve and all the makings of a safe nurture space where we can let them be and let them do.