27th Feb '07

Change me, oh winds of change!
Change me to be someone unknown.
Change me, please oh! winds of change,
Change me to anything, anything else.

Pinned into a corner,
Pushed against itand held tight,
Yes, the feel is very hard.
And I see with falling eyes
the walls creep closer.

Can I create a change?
Can I make a difference?
Can I move anything at all?

1 2 3 4 5

12th Feb '07

CHANGE, the only thing I can vouch for, when it comes to life.

Alternate bands of laughter and hystreical tears......signs of madness.

Insanity is a state where ypu get another perspective, to look at life with.

see me. me see.

Divine blessings and love of human heart, hatch white dove eggs.

19th February '07

day before day before: 17th...took a bike ride to the city..nothing specatcular, just that i wasn't afraid. Didn't have to try to be comfortable, I was. I guess, after a point in time u get used to everything. Everything means, every god damn thing.

But again, life is all about contradictions. Cause, there is always this white spec in the black or this black spec in the white, which stands out.
And as my life centers around one of the specs I realize, I'll never be able to wipe them of. I'll never get used to it.

Apologies for the "every god damn thing " phrase in the end of the first para.

Yesterday, we had classes for just half a day. Good. Smiles.
Hear the whole thing.
Yesterday was also Sunday, why did we have classes in the first place?
but, I didn't mind it at all, after all they were more like "adda" sessions.

Memento or is it Momento .. nice movie, where this guy has a problem forgetting someone who left him because he can't feel time. And the last memory he has is of the person dying. Rest, he's incapaciated of making new memories. And with method and notes he handles this memory problem. But how could one actually live, when one forgets the next instant that he lived the moment before.

It suddenly hit me, people say shut your past, forget your future- live in the present. But you know what? .. without your past and your future, your present would be nothing. The very existence of the present and it's importance would actually become nonsensical. Nostalgia, Memory, Plans, Dreams, Speculations, Hopes... what is life without them??

Ekalavya, a movie which has not much to its credit except the visual scenery shots, especially the sunsets and the castle shots. Forget the movie, it takes u to another level of imagination, where emotions are well played by the elements around u. Like one of my very good friend says, "Elements Conspire". Thank You(you-know-who-u-are), for this and so many more exquisite phrases you've brought to my life.

15th Feb '07

b4 dawn...

people and music boom in my head
and I'm restless...
seem as if I'm moving towards something, maybe someone...
but i can't find it destination..
a helpless feeling..
can't reach it...
wait is too long...
too difficult...
i have no strength...
nothing.. all i feel..
giddy with this restlessness....
i oscillate

a song plays in the back ground...
o humdum suniyo re
o jaaniya suniyo re
but who hears me??
do u?
u know who u are??
should i disturb u now??
or should i let u sleep...hmm??

feel like going for a walk...
it's 2: 30 am...
challenging the cold winds...
it's chilly here alright..
and then what if i feel like and give in to the urge to fall on the dew drenched grass...???
will it be alright??...if i clench the cold in my fists...and embrace it and sleep...
will my acceptance of the cold and total surrender make the it warm to me??
or am i underestimating the cruelty of the cold.
music...can pull any cord of your senses....even the ones u bury deep deep inside..

"chandni raatein
chandni raatein
sab jag soye
hum jaage
taaron se karein baatein....
chandni raatein"

and it goes on and on....with its melody haunting me...and driving me crazier by the second......

moonlit nights
the beautiful moonlit nights
why do people sleep through the nights?
these beautiful moonlit night

let's talk to the stars tonight
try and collect them in your palms
if not, at least reach out to them, courtesy's sake...
let's stare at them in wonder like the kids

remember how we used to say with actions
"twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder what u r?
up above the world so high
like a diamond in the sky"

but now....
not the stars...
not the moon...
not the nature and it's awe...
but the spirit is what gives the spirit a kick....
most believe...

But, not me...
...tipsy yes..
.......but the greatest kick u can get is out of being in luvv...
like a friend of mine used to say..
"I'm high..high on luvv"
but isn't the earlier bit about nature, moon and stars...all connected?

The Breaking Of A Dam

6th Feb '07 (just before dawn)

Sometimes, for no reason at all
the dam, just breaks..
There was no pressure,
there was nothing,
Still, the flow got through.

I left the crowds behind,
actually, had mentally left them a while ago,
So, I left the crowds behind
and yet their laughter rang hollow in my ears.
I was a part of the laughter once.
Once, at a time..
time, which isn't now.

Walking on lone paths
of grass and meadow
and graveled blocks
also strewn with dried winter leaves...
I stopped before the beginning actually began,
stopped, to recollect.
to think,
to resolve...
but, writing seems enough for now....

2nd February '07

kabhie kabhie...kaisa ajeeb lagta hai naaa....ekdum ajeeeb..jaaane..jaise kya hoe much to do....
and u feel like a part of nothing..then u dnt even wanna not be a part of the nothing..but all u can do about it is it a loop...
where's that big bang to free me from it????
i think...the weirdities....always...when was it...i the present...and not in reverberation...when was it last that i heard my heart beat with excitement and jump ahead of me??
do i really smile..and dance...and cry...everytime i do all of it?is it?or is it not?
am i confusing my true self and the roles i play?or are these roles that i play, me??whose gonna tell me?WHO will they tell?..if they have to...
some day.......someday...i'll get the answers..the point is, they need to be raised....I've done that...more than half of the work done...

29th January '07

all are siting in clas.s....doing there own thing...all do what they shud.....some do wat they shudn't...and some do stuff....why? they dnt even know....

my whole point of dabbling make my mind, be able to do not only one, but more stuff at the same time..
heh eh he he e
i'm succeeding in my endevoour..the challenge type as fast as i think...i'm running behind..asking my mind to think'll listen...but what if it really does...and starts thinking slow way...i shud not even say such things to my mind...

thinking utter rubbish is gud..but writing utter rubbish is better..gud..feels gud..
ummmmmmm attention to u think whats going in class is utter rubbish??no i don't...but the matter stretched and blown out of proportion, and the same bloody thing... again and wastage of time..and i feel bored to why not look here and there.
if u can..(mental vibes to the one standing)
capture our attention naa....