3rd March '07

It's Holi TIME.... Wish I was home. After the Pooja (and also with Pooja from the 3rd floor), we'd go to jalao the holika, with the dangling long stick of sugarcane. And then the mighty fire, we'd close in on it up-close and give it a 360 degree surveillance with folded hands, all lost in their own thoughts about their own worlds and priorities.

And tomorrow, would be dhamaal. Lots of oil in the air and tons of litres of cream and oil massaged onto skin to help fight the chemical colours. But, no precaution helps. And dancing and dancing and colours, dirty colours, lots of buckets of water, pichkari, water balloons, nani-bari, cousins, food made by nani-ma, dhavli, singing, music, loud music, drives..................

....but I'll miss Holi at home, yet again.

I'm so sorry, Mama...can't come for your wedding too. I so-so want too, but I just can't. No matter what I do, I'm unable to make it. And it really breaks my heart and i know I'll never be able to make up for it. Sometimes, one shouldn't wait for things to happen, coz if u do, and really really want something to happen, it does happen....but somehow u can't be a part of it. But still, I wish you all the happiness that could ever be, and I'll dance alright here. Ok?

And I'm in here. Nice b'ful scenic place, stuck with a migraine which seems to be in love with me, and refuses to leave my head alone. So many people around me. Each with a different story. Not that i've heard all the stories, but they somehow speak for themselves. And the way these stories interweave amongst themselves, is in itself an amazing skilled-needle's job.

Sometimes, I wish the stories didn't come and whisper themselves into my ears. I wanna believe everything on the face. I want to believe in everyone and want to give the benefit of a doubt to everyone. But, 'Benefit Of A Doubt', doesn't exist anymore. It's now like "Doubt. Guilty." Funny system in the minds and in the heads. In some ways quite unfair.