24th September '07
It’s the droplets in the air, which make me misty. I want to stay in this world, the real world but the rhythm of the pattering drops lull me away.
It’s a silvery-grey world outside the window. And inside it’s a dreamy affair. Walk into any of these, and you are doomed for the day.
The sun took a holiday today. It’s probably sleeping in a bed of soft cushiony clouds. And mumbling softly when a dream shifts on to another.
And what about these raindrops? Are they totally in love with Calcutta? So much so that they want to pour and seep into every part of it? Mmmm. What love?
My pink-laced little umbrella is still thirsty. Maybe I’ll give it a walk in the rain on the way home from work.
But whose gonna walk me?
Meanwhile Denver echoes in my ears. “ A walk in the rain by your side. A breeze through the warmth of your tiny hands. I’ll do anything to make you understand. I love you more than anybody can.”
Another thing.
I want a butta under my chhata in my hand.
Cha garam cha with hot pakoris.
Keep wanting.
Thoughts de Motocicleta
22nd September '07
When we don't know where we are headed, or where we should be headed we should just take a trip to nowhere in particular. Some time without purpose and then let the purpose dawn on us, as we see the world.
Are the holidays and trips, planned for us by the tourism departments with fancy hotels and low airfare and stringest timing issues, holidays?
A true holiday is one where you are travelling two dimensions together, maybe. One inside and one outside.
Like says Che in Diarios de motocicleta (the motorcycle diaries) "let the world change you and then you can change the world"
P.S.- now that I've seen the movie, I crave the book.
When we don't know where we are headed, or where we should be headed we should just take a trip to nowhere in particular. Some time without purpose and then let the purpose dawn on us, as we see the world.
Are the holidays and trips, planned for us by the tourism departments with fancy hotels and low airfare and stringest timing issues, holidays?
A true holiday is one where you are travelling two dimensions together, maybe. One inside and one outside.
Like says Che in Diarios de motocicleta (the motorcycle diaries) "let the world change you and then you can change the world"
P.S.- now that I've seen the movie, I crave the book.
looking at the window of lady love
22nd September '07
In the movie "Cinema Paradiso" young Toto falls in love for the first time and in a dialogue with him, his father-friend figure Alfredo tells him a story.
The story is about a beautiful princess. Actually it's more about a common soldier who falls in love with this princess and tells her. The princess is touched by his honesty and asks him to wait beneath her window for 100 days and if he succeeds, she'd be his. So much in love, he waits and waits. Bees sting him, it rains, wind blows..it's difficult after all...day in and day out for 100 days and 100 nights, relentlessly.
Meanwhile the princess watches him, looks at him. In around 90 days, the guy feels something and tears stream down his face, and on the 99th night he leaves. Just leaves. Why?
Toto tried the 'beneath the window' tactic...and left too, to find his love come running into his arms. he was lucky?Maybe?
But was the prince lucky? Or was the soldier in the story lucky? Did the princess come into his arms? Or did she not. Did he fall out of love with her? Did he realise, just the moment before he was going to get rewarded for love, and his proof of love...that he didn't want to prove it.
Maybe what he really wanted was to be loved as a normal person, whose depth of love could be a mystery, not proven. could be deeper than the 100-day test.
What was the soldier thinking? What did he realise on the 99th day?
In the movie "Cinema Paradiso" young Toto falls in love for the first time and in a dialogue with him, his father-friend figure Alfredo tells him a story.
The story is about a beautiful princess. Actually it's more about a common soldier who falls in love with this princess and tells her. The princess is touched by his honesty and asks him to wait beneath her window for 100 days and if he succeeds, she'd be his. So much in love, he waits and waits. Bees sting him, it rains, wind blows..it's difficult after all...day in and day out for 100 days and 100 nights, relentlessly.
Meanwhile the princess watches him, looks at him. In around 90 days, the guy feels something and tears stream down his face, and on the 99th night he leaves. Just leaves. Why?
Toto tried the 'beneath the window' tactic...and left too, to find his love come running into his arms. he was lucky?Maybe?
But was the prince lucky? Or was the soldier in the story lucky? Did the princess come into his arms? Or did she not. Did he fall out of love with her? Did he realise, just the moment before he was going to get rewarded for love, and his proof of love...that he didn't want to prove it.
Maybe what he really wanted was to be loved as a normal person, whose depth of love could be a mystery, not proven. could be deeper than the 100-day test.
What was the soldier thinking? What did he realise on the 99th day?
Arrival at the point of desire, is it?
21st September '07
We never want to go anywhere. We never want to reach anyplace. We never want to run away. If we think we do, we are fooling ourselves. All we ever want to do is arrive at perfection, the point of desire in life. And when we do, and no sooner have we stayed there awhile, we feel that ‘life is not moving’.
I want to reach somewhere too. Arrive at a place, a space within. It’s perennial that I arrive there soon. But no sooner I reach it, tire out and go to sleep, I see it has slipped away. Am I moving towards it? Is ‘it’ what I should be moving towards in the first place?
Is ‘it’ it?
Can someone tell me, what’s short term and long term? I know the definitions. Thank you. Is short term a week, a month or a year? Or is it a term of short collectible bundles? Long term is how long? If I go long enough, wouldn’t the rest of the long term become short again? So what term am I dealing with? I don’t know if it’s short or long. I know it’s a term.
We never want to go anywhere. We never want to reach anyplace. We never want to run away. If we think we do, we are fooling ourselves. All we ever want to do is arrive at perfection, the point of desire in life. And when we do, and no sooner have we stayed there awhile, we feel that ‘life is not moving’.
I want to reach somewhere too. Arrive at a place, a space within. It’s perennial that I arrive there soon. But no sooner I reach it, tire out and go to sleep, I see it has slipped away. Am I moving towards it? Is ‘it’ what I should be moving towards in the first place?
Is ‘it’ it?
Can someone tell me, what’s short term and long term? I know the definitions. Thank you. Is short term a week, a month or a year? Or is it a term of short collectible bundles? Long term is how long? If I go long enough, wouldn’t the rest of the long term become short again? So what term am I dealing with? I don’t know if it’s short or long. I know it’s a term.
Question Marks
20th September '07
Why am I so low today?
Why am I blank?
What do they think?
What did I do wrong?
Am I doing right?
Am I good at it?
What more should I do?
Is this all?
What would he be doing?
What would he be thinking?
What should I be doing?
What should I be thinking?
What do they want?
Where am I going?
Is this life?
Why am I so low today?
Why am I blank?
What do they think?
What did I do wrong?
Am I doing right?
Am I good at it?
What more should I do?
Is this all?
What would he be doing?
What would he be thinking?
What should I be doing?
What should I be thinking?
What do they want?
Where am I going?
Is this life?
Parting
16th September '07
Bridges I made across forever…
To walk with you under the blue dome…
But the distances gap the planks on my bridge
With what shall I fill them, my love?
I walked some moments by your side,
I locked my fingers, they were entwined…
Do not make me unwound the clasp
Do not make me say goodbye again.
Not yet.
Please.
Just another moment, another minute, another hour, another day,
A week, a year, a lifetime…
Just one more till the next…
Hold me till I die…
Cause I can’t even live, when you’re not there.
Don’t flow, my tears.
Stop I say.
Ungrateful wretches…
He’d come to make me happy
And still I grieve his departure.
I told you the dams would break…
Seeing you, my flow, won’t stop…
Don’t wipe my tears today.
Don’t ask me to stop.
Atleast today, I don’t weep alone.
Come back soon, my love, really soon.
This time be back forever.
This time be here without the parting.
This time leave the goodbyes behind.
Please.
Next time,
Never,
Never ever part.
Bridges I made across forever…
To walk with you under the blue dome…
But the distances gap the planks on my bridge
With what shall I fill them, my love?
I walked some moments by your side,
I locked my fingers, they were entwined…
Do not make me unwound the clasp
Do not make me say goodbye again.
Not yet.
Please.
Just another moment, another minute, another hour, another day,
A week, a year, a lifetime…
Just one more till the next…
Hold me till I die…
Cause I can’t even live, when you’re not there.
Don’t flow, my tears.
Stop I say.
Ungrateful wretches…
He’d come to make me happy
And still I grieve his departure.
I told you the dams would break…
Seeing you, my flow, won’t stop…
Don’t wipe my tears today.
Don’t ask me to stop.
Atleast today, I don’t weep alone.
Come back soon, my love, really soon.
This time be back forever.
This time be here without the parting.
This time leave the goodbyes behind.
Please.
Next time,
Never,
Never ever part.
14th September '07
What is it that I’ve come to be? I wonder. What is it that I want to be? That too, I wonder. A joy which kept me singing from morning, deludes me. And I talk to myself via a keyboard and a digital writing pad.
A mobile call. A message. A meeting.
Some tears. Some smiles. Some pleasantries.
Li’l love. Li’l fights. Li’l conversations.
Friends. Families. Food.
At home. In restaurants. Inside bookstores.
Dancing. Coffee. Memories.
..just a weekend.
So much more.
So much less.
A mobile call. A message. A meeting.
Some tears. Some smiles. Some pleasantries.
Li’l love. Li’l fights. Li’l conversations.
Friends. Families. Food.
At home. In restaurants. Inside bookstores.
Dancing. Coffee. Memories.
..just a weekend.
So much more.
So much less.
14th September '07
What is it that I’ve come to be? I wonder. What is it that I want to be? That too, I wonder. A joy which kept me singing from morning, deludes me. And I talk to myself via a keyboard and a digital writing pad.
A mobile call. A message. A meeting.
Some tears. Some smiles. Some pleasantries.
Li’l love. Li’l fights. Li’l conversations.
Friends. Families. Food.
At home. In restaurants. Inside bookstores.
Dancing. Coffee. Memories.
..just a weekend.
So much more.
So much less.
A mobile call. A message. A meeting.
Some tears. Some smiles. Some pleasantries.
Li’l love. Li’l fights. Li’l conversations.
Friends. Families. Food.
At home. In restaurants. Inside bookstores.
Dancing. Coffee. Memories.
..just a weekend.
So much more.
So much less.
14th September '07
feels like a flood become stronger...as if waiting for a cue to break the dam and flow...
feels like li'l birds.....hundreds of them inside me...are learning to fly....and can't just wait to find the sky....
feels like a composed self....tremoring secretly deeply inside...
feels like a thousand things, all at once.
scary.
save my soul.
OM.
feels like li'l birds.....hundreds of them inside me...are learning to fly....and can't just wait to find the sky....
feels like a composed self....tremoring secretly deeply inside...
feels like a thousand things, all at once.
scary.
save my soul.
OM.
9th September '07
b4 dawn
The only thing that brings me peace is you..
otherwise we are really different. Really.
Meandering the straight highway of life..
I found a lot of toll bridges.
The toll was high, but the road imperative.
"Weird" - my favorite word. Descrbes everything. Every situation. Anyone. So aptly. So non-offendingly. So in-a-way complementingly. Weird! Isn't it?
The only thing that brings me peace is you..
otherwise we are really different. Really.
Meandering the straight highway of life..
I found a lot of toll bridges.
The toll was high, but the road imperative.
"Weird" - my favorite word. Descrbes everything. Every situation. Anyone. So aptly. So non-offendingly. So in-a-way complementingly. Weird! Isn't it?
5th September '07
Before dawn
Emptiness in me thinks
And saliva rushes through the jaws
Not to remind of or demand edible delicacies
But to tick of the phantom of desires
And to ask it to die,
Yet again, today
With silent wetness.
A blinking red beam in the distance
Against the less red sky near the horizon..
Does it mock the twinkle of not-to-be-seen-stars-today?
Why is the sickness in me so strong today?
And why is my mind not able to defeat it today?
All the MUs turn into PUs today..
While my head sells itself into the land of whirling pain,
The home of the migraine.
(MU stands for Mental Ulti and PU stands for Physical Ulti. They are some shortforms used by me in a li'l circle of friends to basically distinguish between "feel like puking" and "actually puking")
Emptiness in me thinks
And saliva rushes through the jaws
Not to remind of or demand edible delicacies
But to tick of the phantom of desires
And to ask it to die,
Yet again, today
With silent wetness.
A blinking red beam in the distance
Against the less red sky near the horizon..
Does it mock the twinkle of not-to-be-seen-stars-today?
Why is the sickness in me so strong today?
And why is my mind not able to defeat it today?
All the MUs turn into PUs today..
While my head sells itself into the land of whirling pain,
The home of the migraine.
(MU stands for Mental Ulti and PU stands for Physical Ulti. They are some shortforms used by me in a li'l circle of friends to basically distinguish between "feel like puking" and "actually puking")
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