23rd March "07

The first two digits at the beginning of this article make this day "special"...
..in its own way....
:) mysterious smile..

Some days go by and still you can't walk along with those some days. Now traveling with time is not something we are totally in control off. Quite a bit of it happens involuntary. So it happened and is happening at this moment with me. I'm pulled with the passage of time. That be it. Do I wanna lodge myself in a dark, maybe a candle-lit corner of the past, or do I wanna run fast, very fast to the future, a future under the stars when the night would be a glittering glory. Some answers I seek myself, from myself and for myself.

More than a week ago, someone while humming tunes to herself and sitting cross-legged on the floor, from a folded-cone of plastic paper had adorned mehendi on my palms (both sides), extending it far into my hands towards my elbows, but not quite reaching it. Artistic. Depicting Culture. Smelling, Just Right, the way mehendi smells. mmmmmm.....
But my hand is now, just a faint shade of the deep vermillion, which at its peak was dark maroon. Like a dilapidating relic of the past.

My Friends-8th March '07

I donno if I'll ever do it again.......

All you people....
I love you like crazy.
I know I'm bad.
May not be talking to you guys everyday.
May not be doing a lot of things, li'l special ones I aught to do.
May be on the contrary behaving like a PRICK.....even though I'm a gal (sry for the almost racist comment-pardon , after all it's Woman's Day)

Kev, Manu, MA, Pooh, Kshit, Ali, Prags...am I missing anyone?

Donno why I'm telling you guys this. Guess I'm getting emotional...

A jaadu ki jhappi for Kev
A lolipop for Manu
A kurkure for MA
A cuppa for Pooh
A kick for Modi
A quote for Ali
A kiss in the air for Prags

Some Somethings

8th March '07

some people
some friends
some confidantes
...are myths

some masti
some bonding
some understanding
...is all a farce

some words
some looks
some tones
...are too insensitive

some situations
some circumstances
some times
...are depressing

sometimes you are alone
...when you think you are not
but then someone far-off
...is there still, as close.

sometimes some somethings
kill you from inside
sometimes some somethings
open your eyes
sometimes some somethings
tickle your heart
sometimes some somethings
change you, forever.

8th March '07

Sometimes in the race of life, you should stop and question.
Question your beliefs. Questions all the things you take for granted.
Actually it makes no difference, whether you question or not.
Your life will automatically get activated to the pause mode and these questions would start haunting you.
Should think, Should think not.....don't even waste your time on the deliberation.
Idiots like me are there to deliberate. To think. To get attached. Idiots, who form perceptions. Idiots who are idiots.

6th March '07


You should not run after anything, it will run further away from you. But what if I run faster? ANd catch it.
You should wait for it to come to you, Let it lose, If it's yours it will return. If it doesn't it never was yours. What shit? If I keep waiting like this for ideas and thinKing they are not mine if they don't come like "eureka" to me, I'll have to change my career path yet again. HUH!
I feel like Harry Potter now, on my IMAC13 (he was better off, he had Nimbus 2000) looking for the Golden Snitch. The golden award winning idea....that's actually secondary, actually an idea which Gratifies me and I pet it and say..."hey I thought of this, this is my Little Ideaby"
just thinking of my Ideaby....sorry Ideabies got me excited and smiling.....
now have to go through the labour pains....

5th March '07

hey hey hey
here I am starting to write without any idea what I'm gonna end up writing.
I've read some places, that the best way to start writing is with a blank sheet and a pointed pencil.
Blank sheet is this li'l window amidst a surmount of a desktop display and other li'l thumbnails on the big screen of my Mac (no. 13, that is). And for the sharpened pencil, I have my fingers, not sharp though....but yeah I can make up with the sharpness of my mind.
No offense to the great ones of the pencil-paper idea, I am with them, totally. But too lazy to transfer and digitalize efforts. See that's what it all boils down to in the end. The old laziness syndrome. ooooooh......and aaahhhh for the couch potato syndrome.....it's been ages since I've actually sat in front of the TV and had a meal. No matter all the gyaan and the rights and the wrongs, it was strangely gratifying.
hee hee
oh! papa...lol...You used to come from the office and see me sprawled in front of the TV, you'd say "tch tch saara din TV" and I'd be like "I just came, here. Just Switched it on." When I myself wouldn't know how many minutes were invested. Note the word, investment. It is an investment. Totally an investment. Wish I had that much time to do the investment, now. (yeah, not once have I seen even a single episode of the show which has SRK on the Bachhan Hot Seat)

Ending note......
I've learnt that
Tears Dry
Time Heals
Old friends remain
New friends become Old
Old friends remain
Old friends become family
Family becomes friends
It's all so confusing

3rd March '07

It's Holi TIME.... Wish I was home. After the Pooja (and also with Pooja from the 3rd floor), we'd go to jalao the holika, with the dangling long stick of sugarcane. And then the mighty fire, we'd close in on it up-close and give it a 360 degree surveillance with folded hands, all lost in their own thoughts about their own worlds and priorities.

And tomorrow, would be dhamaal. Lots of oil in the air and tons of litres of cream and oil massaged onto skin to help fight the chemical colours. But, no precaution helps. And dancing and dancing and colours, dirty colours, lots of buckets of water, pichkari, water balloons, nani-bari, cousins, food made by nani-ma, dhavli, singing, music, loud music, drives..................

....but I'll miss Holi at home, yet again.

I'm so sorry, Mama...can't come for your wedding too. I so-so want too, but I just can't. No matter what I do, I'm unable to make it. And it really breaks my heart and i know I'll never be able to make up for it. Sometimes, one shouldn't wait for things to happen, coz if u do, and really really want something to happen, it does happen....but somehow u can't be a part of it. But still, I wish you all the happiness that could ever be, and I'll dance alright here. Ok?

And I'm in here. Nice b'ful scenic place, stuck with a migraine which seems to be in love with me, and refuses to leave my head alone. So many people around me. Each with a different story. Not that i've heard all the stories, but they somehow speak for themselves. And the way these stories interweave amongst themselves, is in itself an amazing skilled-needle's job.

Sometimes, I wish the stories didn't come and whisper themselves into my ears. I wanna believe everything on the face. I want to believe in everyone and want to give the benefit of a doubt to everyone. But, 'Benefit Of A Doubt', doesn't exist anymore. It's now like "Doubt. Guilty." Funny system in the minds and in the heads. In some ways quite unfair.


1st March '07

very very very very far i wanna go..
wanna keep running and running and running
and running till everything becomes numb
and i cease to feel
and if i do, i feel nothing

wanna believe that the earth is flat
such that i fall of it
into the cosmic space

people, things, situations,
nothing feels right
it's all so...
i donno how to describe it
what to call it
should it be called..weird?
i donno
and i don't care about definitions anymore
whatever it is
i wanna get rid of it

where are those days?
those friends?
those people?
those cousins?
those games?
have i gone really so far, that i'll never find my way back?
they were not special, just normal, clear, clean..
filled with laughter, conversations which floated in the air..
no doubts.. no benefit of a doubt...