It's the head...which pays no heed to reason. Or it's the heart. Whoever it is. Please stop harassing me with these questions. This deep depression you keep pulling me into. Stop it. Don't do it. It's killing. Don't make me think. Don't let me think. My head's gonna burst.
I had a lot of expectations from you, Mr. Life. Ok. So you let me feel I'm gonna get everything I'd thought I'd get. It wasn't as if i didn't work for it. I did. Sincerely. With all of my heart. But when you didn't give me what was due, I thought it was my fate. But to actually go out of your way and do the exact opposite of my expectations, is a bit too much. Isn't it? I'm still ready to accept all. But just tell me? What was my fault? Where did I go wrong?
Why don't you answer my questions? Why doesn't anybody answer them? Is anybody listening to me? The ones I need to question directly are unavailable to me. I can't access them. As I'm not supposed to know what I know. But how can I forget it, now that I know. How can I? Memory, plays a lot of tricks. It made me forget something dreadful, and didn't remind me of the dread till 15-16 years later. Its just came back to my mind. Can't you Mr. Memory do the trick again. Pull the rabbit of your hat.
Sunday, last sunday, only I felt I had the whole world. Didn't need anything more, and didn't need anything less. But, Monday my world flipped. I know you'd warned me. I got the signals, alright. I mentioned it, whispered it into the ears also. But the warning did not prepare me for the shock. Thank god my world is still mine. And is determined to not go of my hands. But my butter fingers for a moment felt that they'd dropped everything and shattered all the dreams. Maybe they are. Who knows?
A song which I always sang..."Ankhiyon ke jharonkon se...."..translation...in my words...
Looking through the windows of my eyes, when I tried to see you, my darling
....you seemed so far away...so so far off...
But closing eyelids as I sat to ponder, and let my mind wander,
...all that I saw was you, and you so close to me, smiling in my heart.
I had a li'l heart of mine with me, once
which now keeps getting away from me, seems lost somewhere...
Finding you, however in my life,
something strange has started happening.
Just trusting you, and basing all the trust on you,
I've let myself forget everything....
let my life pass away like this.
with you let my life pass.
I live looking at you, my darling..
I'd die for you too, my darling
wherever you are, my darling.
My world resides there with you.
Day and night, my heart prays for you, and only for you..
God forbid, that the flowers of our sweet expectations and dreams should wither
SInce I've adorned myself with the colors of your love,
While waking, I slept,
and as I dreamt I stayed awake.
Please let no one, steal away my love-filled dreams,
the thought itself makes me anxious, so so afraid and anxious
Looking through the windows of my eyes, when I tried to see you, my darling
....you seemed so far away...so so far off...
But closing eyelids as I sat to ponder, and let my mind wander,
...all that I saw was you, and you so close to me, smiling in my heart.
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