Can anyone here?
Anyone at all tell me what I’m thinking?
Cause I really have no clue.
The connection is strong
And he seems all so wrong
And the dreams which I see
Seem to substitute reality
If it is to be
What is to be?
What do I know?
It’s love that gets me high
The way it gets you high
And so much love I see
Newer streams overflowed into me
The hues are red, yellow and blue
Love, love and more love
With sunshine streaks into my life
And give me wings to soar to the unknown skies
Wish you were here
As this is not for me
This is for us u see
Me and you and you and me
You, you and only me
The kisses were interrupted
The hug also ended
The tears did not all fall
When are you coming back?
I can’t wait another fall
Come back and finish whatever it was that you started
A single intermission is all they ever have
Why so many interludes for me?
Why are the circums so perfect
And yet so incomplete
Oh why?
I ask thee?
Tell me?
Why does this silence rest with you?
Barr your heart to me
And let the music flow..
As the sunshine trickles
And the sweetness tingles
Let us be together
And yet single so as to be.
12th December ‘07
I
A bottle of rum, or whiskey, or beer.
Why?
He wants it. He says, ‘ I have to have one of these three’. If I don’t get it, I’ll not say.
But why these bottles? Why not anything else? He wants the bottle only? Or the stuff in it also? Will he drink the stuff first and then speak? What if he passes out? Gets drunk? Senile. How his statements would be authenticated? Shouldn’t we give him third degree??
Third degree or a bottle? The choice is yours. Decide.
II
Lemme go.
No way. You can’t. You are in my clutches now. You can never be free.
Why? What did I do? What have I ever done to you?
You’ll never be free. When you’ll frustrate and wanna get free, you’ll hurt yourself even more. Never I say, never.
Why?
It’s the curse of ‘----‘. Everyone has to pay for it. The truer you are. More the trouble. More the hurt. More the pain.
What’s the logic?
No logic. It’s not fair. That’s the way of the world. Go laugh your lungs out as you bleed.
hahahahaha
A bottle of rum, or whiskey, or beer.
Why?
He wants it. He says, ‘ I have to have one of these three’. If I don’t get it, I’ll not say.
But why these bottles? Why not anything else? He wants the bottle only? Or the stuff in it also? Will he drink the stuff first and then speak? What if he passes out? Gets drunk? Senile. How his statements would be authenticated? Shouldn’t we give him third degree??
Third degree or a bottle? The choice is yours. Decide.
II
Lemme go.
No way. You can’t. You are in my clutches now. You can never be free.
Why? What did I do? What have I ever done to you?
You’ll never be free. When you’ll frustrate and wanna get free, you’ll hurt yourself even more. Never I say, never.
Why?
It’s the curse of ‘----‘. Everyone has to pay for it. The truer you are. More the trouble. More the hurt. More the pain.
What’s the logic?
No logic. It’s not fair. That’s the way of the world. Go laugh your lungs out as you bleed.
hahahahaha
12th December ‘07
The grounds are shaking. The sky is falling. Where should I go?
Stay.
When the grounds shake, I’ll shake and sway with it.
When the sky falls, the stars, the rainbows, the colours would also be mine.
Why should I go?
Cardigans with long sleeves
Bed tea wrapped in blanket folds
Oranges
Sun
Morning fog
Evening shivers
Chapped lips
Frizzy hair
Winters!
Stay.
When the grounds shake, I’ll shake and sway with it.
When the sky falls, the stars, the rainbows, the colours would also be mine.
Why should I go?
Cardigans with long sleeves
Bed tea wrapped in blanket folds
Oranges
Sun
Morning fog
Evening shivers
Chapped lips
Frizzy hair
Winters!
December 11th '07
Brains leak so heads rust
Many run but seldom reach
People return never to stay
Desires vanish just before they’re met
Fingers move to help one say
Bottles are emptied to be filled again
Legs hurt to give us rest
Words are triggers
Memories to fool
Present to pass
Stones to be kicked
Abuses to be unfurled
Shit pots to think
Journeys to see
To
Live
To
Die
All
Destiny
Many run but seldom reach
People return never to stay
Desires vanish just before they’re met
Fingers move to help one say
Bottles are emptied to be filled again
Legs hurt to give us rest
Words are triggers
Memories to fool
Present to pass
Stones to be kicked
Abuses to be unfurled
Shit pots to think
Journeys to see
To
Live
To
Die
All
Destiny
Some day
11th December '07
Some day I’ll be dead
Some day all of this won’t matter
Some day these days I’ll forget
Some day I’ll be there
Some day I’ll be me
Some day I’ll smile all through me
Some day: I’ll live
Some day I’ll want nothing
Some day I’ll want to want
Some day I’ll stop
Some day: what would I do then?
Some day is where?
Some day would be when?
Some day don’t be too late
Some day: let it happen.
Some day I’ll be dead
Some day all of this won’t matter
Some day these days I’ll forget
Some day I’ll be there
Some day I’ll be me
Some day I’ll smile all through me
Some day: I’ll live
Some day I’ll want nothing
Some day I’ll want to want
Some day I’ll stop
Some day: what would I do then?
Some day is where?
Some day would be when?
Some day don’t be too late
Some day: let it happen.
Bugger
5th December '07
A bug sets in somewhere…
A mind-bug…
It deletes all important stuff which is to remain in your head.
A temporary delete..
It’s a bug after all
A small bug
Not dangerous
Not dangerous all
So where were we
Aah yes
Temporary delete
It’s like you think
A thought seeps in
And poof
It’s gone
This bug likes to stay in a clean head
In the temporary chamber of course
It causes zombiness
If that’s a word
Coz the word doc underlines it
Underlines it with red curly yet straight line
So what
So what if it’s not a word
It could be
Who knows what comes tomorrow?
It’s a question
True
But it doesn’t need an answer
Back to the bug
Why so much deviation
Beats me
The BUG
Example
It makes me write
Write stuff
Stuff of this sort
A bug sets in somewhere…
A mind-bug…
It deletes all important stuff which is to remain in your head.
A temporary delete..
It’s a bug after all
A small bug
Not dangerous
Not dangerous all
So where were we
Aah yes
Temporary delete
It’s like you think
A thought seeps in
And poof
It’s gone
This bug likes to stay in a clean head
In the temporary chamber of course
It causes zombiness
If that’s a word
Coz the word doc underlines it
Underlines it with red curly yet straight line
So what
So what if it’s not a word
It could be
Who knows what comes tomorrow?
It’s a question
True
But it doesn’t need an answer
Back to the bug
Why so much deviation
Beats me
The BUG
Example
It makes me write
Write stuff
Stuff of this sort
28th November '07
Strewn between books
A life which is life
A thought which thinks
The same stuff over and over again…
Past rekindles a flame
A flame which burns so brightly
Burns my insides…
But this heat I like
This sunny smoldering feeling
I have a mission
I have a goal
I have a dream
I have, I have, I have.
I had?
A life which is life
A thought which thinks
The same stuff over and over again…
Past rekindles a flame
A flame which burns so brightly
Burns my insides…
But this heat I like
This sunny smoldering feeling
I have a mission
I have a goal
I have a dream
I have, I have, I have.
I had?
19th November '07
the head is not free
the head is not fine
there’s something on it
there’s a weirdness about it
feel like falling and falling and further falling
and then hitting and hitting hard such that the hit hits
feel like running and running and running till I reach the very end
and then at the end, collapsing in a way that it really ends for the last time
I’m to learn to
Smile my sadness
Clap with tears
Tap dance thru it all
I will……wait…for the real thing….
When ur happy and you know it……
Then?
the head is not fine
there’s something on it
there’s a weirdness about it
feel like falling and falling and further falling
and then hitting and hitting hard such that the hit hits
feel like running and running and running till I reach the very end
and then at the end, collapsing in a way that it really ends for the last time
I’m to learn to
Smile my sadness
Clap with tears
Tap dance thru it all
I will……wait…for the real thing….
When ur happy and you know it……
Then?
14th November '07
post the not so complete 'gudnight'
So what if I wasn't your passion
at least I was your love
So what if your obsessions are made of stones
at least I'm there who melts around you
So what if the day became night and the night ended
tomorrow will be a new day
with new dreams, desires and hopes
maybe more tears and heart breaks
I end the day today
smeared with ink
and blotted ink
Let the sun rise tomorrow
I have yet too many questions
unanswered
So what if I wasn't your passion
at least I was your love
So what if your obsessions are made of stones
at least I'm there who melts around you
So what if the day became night and the night ended
tomorrow will be a new day
with new dreams, desires and hopes
maybe more tears and heart breaks
I end the day today
smeared with ink
and blotted ink
Let the sun rise tomorrow
I have yet too many questions
unanswered
14th November '07
Why did you make me cry
when you didn't have time to wipe the tears
Why did you say goodbye with eyes so sad
when coming back was never on your agenda
Why did you hold me so tight
when suddenly for meeting me, time wasn't right
Why did you weave dreams with me under the stars
when my nightmares you couldn't kill
Why did you say you loved me
when you just couldn't be with me
Why did you entwine our lives
and then proceeded to live your own
Why did you say I'm yours
and then pulled me apart
Why did you, my love?
Where are you now?
Do you know....
why my eyes rain?
when you didn't have time to wipe the tears
Why did you say goodbye with eyes so sad
when coming back was never on your agenda
Why did you hold me so tight
when suddenly for meeting me, time wasn't right
Why did you weave dreams with me under the stars
when my nightmares you couldn't kill
Why did you say you loved me
when you just couldn't be with me
Why did you entwine our lives
and then proceeded to live your own
Why did you say I'm yours
and then pulled me apart
Why did you, my love?
Where are you now?
Do you know....
why my eyes rain?
14th November '07
I’ve been writing awhile
But not for me in a long long time
I’ve been writing alright
But not the writing of these kinds
These kinds are meant for me
These kinds are meant for you
These kinds are also meant
Maybe for a passerby,
Who looks and reads
Reads and thinks
Thinks thoughts of its own
But never like you
And never like me
And never ever like us….
Coz u,
That’s us
I really do, write for.
My hands feel like touching the words
My lips go dry, thirst for that dimension
My hair hangs rooted to my scalp, dead
And my heart moves restlessly to reach “a” place
Where are you my darling?
Words elude me
Where are you my darling?
Make me alright
Where are you my darling?
Do you know?
Where are you my darling?
I hope you do
Where are you my darling?
Please be there
Where are you my darling?
Why am I, weird?
Tell me?
But not for me in a long long time
I’ve been writing alright
But not the writing of these kinds
These kinds are meant for me
These kinds are meant for you
These kinds are also meant
Maybe for a passerby,
Who looks and reads
Reads and thinks
Thinks thoughts of its own
But never like you
And never like me
And never ever like us….
Coz u,
That’s us
I really do, write for.
My hands feel like touching the words
My lips go dry, thirst for that dimension
My hair hangs rooted to my scalp, dead
And my heart moves restlessly to reach “a” place
Where are you my darling?
Words elude me
Where are you my darling?
Make me alright
Where are you my darling?
Do you know?
Where are you my darling?
I hope you do
Where are you my darling?
Please be there
Where are you my darling?
Why am I, weird?
Tell me?
Monday, 29th October '07
I'm under attack.
I'm alone, and they are so so many.
guess who?
ants.
loads of them..
early monday morning at work. saw 4-5 loitering about my desk. fished them out on a piece of paper. didn't kill them, but deposited them safely in the steel bin beside my table. no sooner did I turn. what do I see? another battalion. then another. then another. Never ending forces. what to do?
and where have they camped?? inside my key board. one quietly creeps about my li'l finger now. thinks I'm blind. uhhhhuh. I'll kill you.
naah. there you go. safe into the bin.
I'm alone, and they are so so many.
guess who?
ants.
loads of them..
early monday morning at work. saw 4-5 loitering about my desk. fished them out on a piece of paper. didn't kill them, but deposited them safely in the steel bin beside my table. no sooner did I turn. what do I see? another battalion. then another. then another. Never ending forces. what to do?
and where have they camped?? inside my key board. one quietly creeps about my li'l finger now. thinks I'm blind. uhhhhuh. I'll kill you.
naah. there you go. safe into the bin.
Red Red Red
20th October '07
I taste words today. And they go dry in my mouth.
Red… Red floats in front of my eyes. Like little air bubbles. They make me smile. Tickle me. More red. More and more red. I’m too tickled. Remembering too much. Too many memory red bubbles. They all clash together and burst. Now there’s red. Blood dark red all around. Dark red. Which is boiling. This red makes me restless. Red world all around. Red. Red. Red. Stop. Just let me be.
I taste words today. And they go dry in my mouth.
Red… Red floats in front of my eyes. Like little air bubbles. They make me smile. Tickle me. More red. More and more red. I’m too tickled. Remembering too much. Too many memory red bubbles. They all clash together and burst. Now there’s red. Blood dark red all around. Dark red. Which is boiling. This red makes me restless. Red world all around. Red. Red. Red. Stop. Just let me be.
Cofy says
20th August '07
I’m in a shuttle. Closed. Traveling through time space. With what speed?
I donno. Maybe not at a speed, which satisfies. Or maybe not reaching someplace fast enough. Someplace could be wherever. At whatever dimension. But I need to reach it. This travel seems awfully long. Too too long. So long that it makes me feel lost. Or is it just sickness? Homesickness. Seasickness. Lovesickness. I’m a bitch. One li’l puppy. Yelp Yelp. Bow Wow.
:( Take me home…
I’m in a shuttle. Closed. Traveling through time space. With what speed?
I donno. Maybe not at a speed, which satisfies. Or maybe not reaching someplace fast enough. Someplace could be wherever. At whatever dimension. But I need to reach it. This travel seems awfully long. Too too long. So long that it makes me feel lost. Or is it just sickness? Homesickness. Seasickness. Lovesickness. I’m a bitch. One li’l puppy. Yelp Yelp. Bow Wow.
:( Take me home…
20th October '07
The pujor city, Calcutta
Is lit with the beauty and splendour
Of the like of earthen lamps in a holy lake flickering
..Seems like twinkling stars on a visit to Earth.
Is lit with the beauty and splendour
Of the like of earthen lamps in a holy lake flickering
..Seems like twinkling stars on a visit to Earth.
Saga
20th October '07
Roaming barefoot in hot sandy deserts,
My feet got red..
Then blackish blue..
They got burned.
But did I realize?
Flying the dark blue glimmering sky,
My hands got tired..
Then stopped flapping..
They got paralyzed.
But did I stop floating?
Thinking huddled up deep inside of me,
My mind got blank..
Then stopped dreaming..
It got weird.
But did I stop living?
MAYBE
Roaming barefoot in hot sandy deserts,
My feet got red..
Then blackish blue..
They got burned.
But did I realize?
Flying the dark blue glimmering sky,
My hands got tired..
Then stopped flapping..
They got paralyzed.
But did I stop floating?
Thinking huddled up deep inside of me,
My mind got blank..
Then stopped dreaming..
It got weird.
But did I stop living?
MAYBE
2nd October '07
It was Gandhiji's B'day today.
He isn't here anymore,
but he's done so much for this country.
It is indeed an occassion to celebrate..
celebrate his birth as an INDIAN.
I hope we all atleast give him as much as a thought today...
before we enjoy a national holiday.
What Say?
He isn't here anymore,
but he's done so much for this country.
It is indeed an occassion to celebrate..
celebrate his birth as an INDIAN.
I hope we all atleast give him as much as a thought today...
before we enjoy a national holiday.
What Say?
29th September '07
Where are you God?
Tell me, will you?
Is it the rituals I'm lacking?
Or is it some mistake I've made?
hmm
Tell me?
Is this relationship also, not unconditional?
Why have you left me so alone?
Why are you not anywhere around?
Why don't you speak to me?
For Gods' sake!
I need to breathe
but I can't find fresh air anywhere..
I need to live, to walk on forward
but, wherever I step the earth slips away from underneath.
I'm doing everything, I can..
The doing bit is ok..
But why can't I do my mind?
There's a wallow inside.
A sink pit ..which pulls me inside.
It's swallowing me,
gobbling me alive.
help! help! help!
No one heard my cries.
Some days back,
it seems ages now.
I felt I was a bird.
To fly high in the skies.
I felt my wings..
and was dying to feel the air.
But now,
the wings are there, the sky is there..
and I'm tied down by invisible ropes.
Who tied me?
I don't know?
Maybe I did it myself.
And then forgot the knots
and the way to untie them.
b4 the clock struck 12
A li'l letter I write to you..
just some words.
a sincere attempt
to tell you just a small thing.
that I'm not ok.
you see
I miss you
a lot
and nostalgia
makes me sick.
deep inside..
so the real message is
just come back
and if you really really can't
then just be back for one second..
just a second you can spare..
you better spare
and take me
with you.
now.
forever.
and ever.
and ever.
Tell me, will you?
Is it the rituals I'm lacking?
Or is it some mistake I've made?
hmm
Tell me?
Is this relationship also, not unconditional?
Why have you left me so alone?
Why are you not anywhere around?
Why don't you speak to me?
For Gods' sake!
I need to breathe
but I can't find fresh air anywhere..
I need to live, to walk on forward
but, wherever I step the earth slips away from underneath.
I'm doing everything, I can..
The doing bit is ok..
But why can't I do my mind?
There's a wallow inside.
A sink pit ..which pulls me inside.
It's swallowing me,
gobbling me alive.
help! help! help!
No one heard my cries.
Some days back,
it seems ages now.
I felt I was a bird.
To fly high in the skies.
I felt my wings..
and was dying to feel the air.
But now,
the wings are there, the sky is there..
and I'm tied down by invisible ropes.
Who tied me?
I don't know?
Maybe I did it myself.
And then forgot the knots
and the way to untie them.
b4 the clock struck 12
A li'l letter I write to you..
just some words.
a sincere attempt
to tell you just a small thing.
that I'm not ok.
you see
I miss you
a lot
and nostalgia
makes me sick.
deep inside..
so the real message is
just come back
and if you really really can't
then just be back for one second..
just a second you can spare..
you better spare
and take me
with you.
now.
forever.
and ever.
and ever.
Wishy Washy Day
24th September '07
It’s the droplets in the air, which make me misty. I want to stay in this world, the real world but the rhythm of the pattering drops lull me away.
It’s a silvery-grey world outside the window. And inside it’s a dreamy affair. Walk into any of these, and you are doomed for the day.
The sun took a holiday today. It’s probably sleeping in a bed of soft cushiony clouds. And mumbling softly when a dream shifts on to another.
And what about these raindrops? Are they totally in love with Calcutta? So much so that they want to pour and seep into every part of it? Mmmm. What love?
My pink-laced little umbrella is still thirsty. Maybe I’ll give it a walk in the rain on the way home from work.
But whose gonna walk me?
Meanwhile Denver echoes in my ears. “ A walk in the rain by your side. A breeze through the warmth of your tiny hands. I’ll do anything to make you understand. I love you more than anybody can.”
Another thing.
I want a butta under my chhata in my hand.
Cha garam cha with hot pakoris.
Keep wanting.
It’s the droplets in the air, which make me misty. I want to stay in this world, the real world but the rhythm of the pattering drops lull me away.
It’s a silvery-grey world outside the window. And inside it’s a dreamy affair. Walk into any of these, and you are doomed for the day.
The sun took a holiday today. It’s probably sleeping in a bed of soft cushiony clouds. And mumbling softly when a dream shifts on to another.
And what about these raindrops? Are they totally in love with Calcutta? So much so that they want to pour and seep into every part of it? Mmmm. What love?
My pink-laced little umbrella is still thirsty. Maybe I’ll give it a walk in the rain on the way home from work.
But whose gonna walk me?
Meanwhile Denver echoes in my ears. “ A walk in the rain by your side. A breeze through the warmth of your tiny hands. I’ll do anything to make you understand. I love you more than anybody can.”
Another thing.
I want a butta under my chhata in my hand.
Cha garam cha with hot pakoris.
Keep wanting.
Thoughts de Motocicleta
22nd September '07
When we don't know where we are headed, or where we should be headed we should just take a trip to nowhere in particular. Some time without purpose and then let the purpose dawn on us, as we see the world.
Are the holidays and trips, planned for us by the tourism departments with fancy hotels and low airfare and stringest timing issues, holidays?
A true holiday is one where you are travelling two dimensions together, maybe. One inside and one outside.
Like says Che in Diarios de motocicleta (the motorcycle diaries) "let the world change you and then you can change the world"
P.S.- now that I've seen the movie, I crave the book.
When we don't know where we are headed, or where we should be headed we should just take a trip to nowhere in particular. Some time without purpose and then let the purpose dawn on us, as we see the world.
Are the holidays and trips, planned for us by the tourism departments with fancy hotels and low airfare and stringest timing issues, holidays?
A true holiday is one where you are travelling two dimensions together, maybe. One inside and one outside.
Like says Che in Diarios de motocicleta (the motorcycle diaries) "let the world change you and then you can change the world"
P.S.- now that I've seen the movie, I crave the book.
looking at the window of lady love
22nd September '07
In the movie "Cinema Paradiso" young Toto falls in love for the first time and in a dialogue with him, his father-friend figure Alfredo tells him a story.
The story is about a beautiful princess. Actually it's more about a common soldier who falls in love with this princess and tells her. The princess is touched by his honesty and asks him to wait beneath her window for 100 days and if he succeeds, she'd be his. So much in love, he waits and waits. Bees sting him, it rains, wind blows..it's difficult after all...day in and day out for 100 days and 100 nights, relentlessly.
Meanwhile the princess watches him, looks at him. In around 90 days, the guy feels something and tears stream down his face, and on the 99th night he leaves. Just leaves. Why?
Toto tried the 'beneath the window' tactic...and left too, to find his love come running into his arms. he was lucky?Maybe?
But was the prince lucky? Or was the soldier in the story lucky? Did the princess come into his arms? Or did she not. Did he fall out of love with her? Did he realise, just the moment before he was going to get rewarded for love, and his proof of love...that he didn't want to prove it.
Maybe what he really wanted was to be loved as a normal person, whose depth of love could be a mystery, not proven. could be deeper than the 100-day test.
What was the soldier thinking? What did he realise on the 99th day?
In the movie "Cinema Paradiso" young Toto falls in love for the first time and in a dialogue with him, his father-friend figure Alfredo tells him a story.
The story is about a beautiful princess. Actually it's more about a common soldier who falls in love with this princess and tells her. The princess is touched by his honesty and asks him to wait beneath her window for 100 days and if he succeeds, she'd be his. So much in love, he waits and waits. Bees sting him, it rains, wind blows..it's difficult after all...day in and day out for 100 days and 100 nights, relentlessly.
Meanwhile the princess watches him, looks at him. In around 90 days, the guy feels something and tears stream down his face, and on the 99th night he leaves. Just leaves. Why?
Toto tried the 'beneath the window' tactic...and left too, to find his love come running into his arms. he was lucky?Maybe?
But was the prince lucky? Or was the soldier in the story lucky? Did the princess come into his arms? Or did she not. Did he fall out of love with her? Did he realise, just the moment before he was going to get rewarded for love, and his proof of love...that he didn't want to prove it.
Maybe what he really wanted was to be loved as a normal person, whose depth of love could be a mystery, not proven. could be deeper than the 100-day test.
What was the soldier thinking? What did he realise on the 99th day?
Arrival at the point of desire, is it?
21st September '07
We never want to go anywhere. We never want to reach anyplace. We never want to run away. If we think we do, we are fooling ourselves. All we ever want to do is arrive at perfection, the point of desire in life. And when we do, and no sooner have we stayed there awhile, we feel that ‘life is not moving’.
I want to reach somewhere too. Arrive at a place, a space within. It’s perennial that I arrive there soon. But no sooner I reach it, tire out and go to sleep, I see it has slipped away. Am I moving towards it? Is ‘it’ what I should be moving towards in the first place?
Is ‘it’ it?
Can someone tell me, what’s short term and long term? I know the definitions. Thank you. Is short term a week, a month or a year? Or is it a term of short collectible bundles? Long term is how long? If I go long enough, wouldn’t the rest of the long term become short again? So what term am I dealing with? I don’t know if it’s short or long. I know it’s a term.
We never want to go anywhere. We never want to reach anyplace. We never want to run away. If we think we do, we are fooling ourselves. All we ever want to do is arrive at perfection, the point of desire in life. And when we do, and no sooner have we stayed there awhile, we feel that ‘life is not moving’.
I want to reach somewhere too. Arrive at a place, a space within. It’s perennial that I arrive there soon. But no sooner I reach it, tire out and go to sleep, I see it has slipped away. Am I moving towards it? Is ‘it’ what I should be moving towards in the first place?
Is ‘it’ it?
Can someone tell me, what’s short term and long term? I know the definitions. Thank you. Is short term a week, a month or a year? Or is it a term of short collectible bundles? Long term is how long? If I go long enough, wouldn’t the rest of the long term become short again? So what term am I dealing with? I don’t know if it’s short or long. I know it’s a term.
Question Marks
20th September '07
Why am I so low today?
Why am I blank?
What do they think?
What did I do wrong?
Am I doing right?
Am I good at it?
What more should I do?
Is this all?
What would he be doing?
What would he be thinking?
What should I be doing?
What should I be thinking?
What do they want?
Where am I going?
Is this life?
Why am I so low today?
Why am I blank?
What do they think?
What did I do wrong?
Am I doing right?
Am I good at it?
What more should I do?
Is this all?
What would he be doing?
What would he be thinking?
What should I be doing?
What should I be thinking?
What do they want?
Where am I going?
Is this life?
Parting
16th September '07
Bridges I made across forever…
To walk with you under the blue dome…
But the distances gap the planks on my bridge
With what shall I fill them, my love?
I walked some moments by your side,
I locked my fingers, they were entwined…
Do not make me unwound the clasp
Do not make me say goodbye again.
Not yet.
Please.
Just another moment, another minute, another hour, another day,
A week, a year, a lifetime…
Just one more till the next…
Hold me till I die…
Cause I can’t even live, when you’re not there.
Don’t flow, my tears.
Stop I say.
Ungrateful wretches…
He’d come to make me happy
And still I grieve his departure.
I told you the dams would break…
Seeing you, my flow, won’t stop…
Don’t wipe my tears today.
Don’t ask me to stop.
Atleast today, I don’t weep alone.
Come back soon, my love, really soon.
This time be back forever.
This time be here without the parting.
This time leave the goodbyes behind.
Please.
Next time,
Never,
Never ever part.
Bridges I made across forever…
To walk with you under the blue dome…
But the distances gap the planks on my bridge
With what shall I fill them, my love?
I walked some moments by your side,
I locked my fingers, they were entwined…
Do not make me unwound the clasp
Do not make me say goodbye again.
Not yet.
Please.
Just another moment, another minute, another hour, another day,
A week, a year, a lifetime…
Just one more till the next…
Hold me till I die…
Cause I can’t even live, when you’re not there.
Don’t flow, my tears.
Stop I say.
Ungrateful wretches…
He’d come to make me happy
And still I grieve his departure.
I told you the dams would break…
Seeing you, my flow, won’t stop…
Don’t wipe my tears today.
Don’t ask me to stop.
Atleast today, I don’t weep alone.
Come back soon, my love, really soon.
This time be back forever.
This time be here without the parting.
This time leave the goodbyes behind.
Please.
Next time,
Never,
Never ever part.
14th September '07
What is it that I’ve come to be? I wonder. What is it that I want to be? That too, I wonder. A joy which kept me singing from morning, deludes me. And I talk to myself via a keyboard and a digital writing pad.
A mobile call. A message. A meeting.
Some tears. Some smiles. Some pleasantries.
Li’l love. Li’l fights. Li’l conversations.
Friends. Families. Food.
At home. In restaurants. Inside bookstores.
Dancing. Coffee. Memories.
..just a weekend.
So much more.
So much less.
A mobile call. A message. A meeting.
Some tears. Some smiles. Some pleasantries.
Li’l love. Li’l fights. Li’l conversations.
Friends. Families. Food.
At home. In restaurants. Inside bookstores.
Dancing. Coffee. Memories.
..just a weekend.
So much more.
So much less.
14th September '07
What is it that I’ve come to be? I wonder. What is it that I want to be? That too, I wonder. A joy which kept me singing from morning, deludes me. And I talk to myself via a keyboard and a digital writing pad.
A mobile call. A message. A meeting.
Some tears. Some smiles. Some pleasantries.
Li’l love. Li’l fights. Li’l conversations.
Friends. Families. Food.
At home. In restaurants. Inside bookstores.
Dancing. Coffee. Memories.
..just a weekend.
So much more.
So much less.
A mobile call. A message. A meeting.
Some tears. Some smiles. Some pleasantries.
Li’l love. Li’l fights. Li’l conversations.
Friends. Families. Food.
At home. In restaurants. Inside bookstores.
Dancing. Coffee. Memories.
..just a weekend.
So much more.
So much less.
14th September '07
feels like a flood become stronger...as if waiting for a cue to break the dam and flow...
feels like li'l birds.....hundreds of them inside me...are learning to fly....and can't just wait to find the sky....
feels like a composed self....tremoring secretly deeply inside...
feels like a thousand things, all at once.
scary.
save my soul.
OM.
feels like li'l birds.....hundreds of them inside me...are learning to fly....and can't just wait to find the sky....
feels like a composed self....tremoring secretly deeply inside...
feels like a thousand things, all at once.
scary.
save my soul.
OM.
9th September '07
b4 dawn
The only thing that brings me peace is you..
otherwise we are really different. Really.
Meandering the straight highway of life..
I found a lot of toll bridges.
The toll was high, but the road imperative.
"Weird" - my favorite word. Descrbes everything. Every situation. Anyone. So aptly. So non-offendingly. So in-a-way complementingly. Weird! Isn't it?
The only thing that brings me peace is you..
otherwise we are really different. Really.
Meandering the straight highway of life..
I found a lot of toll bridges.
The toll was high, but the road imperative.
"Weird" - my favorite word. Descrbes everything. Every situation. Anyone. So aptly. So non-offendingly. So in-a-way complementingly. Weird! Isn't it?
5th September '07
Before dawn
Emptiness in me thinks
And saliva rushes through the jaws
Not to remind of or demand edible delicacies
But to tick of the phantom of desires
And to ask it to die,
Yet again, today
With silent wetness.
A blinking red beam in the distance
Against the less red sky near the horizon..
Does it mock the twinkle of not-to-be-seen-stars-today?
Why is the sickness in me so strong today?
And why is my mind not able to defeat it today?
All the MUs turn into PUs today..
While my head sells itself into the land of whirling pain,
The home of the migraine.
(MU stands for Mental Ulti and PU stands for Physical Ulti. They are some shortforms used by me in a li'l circle of friends to basically distinguish between "feel like puking" and "actually puking")
Emptiness in me thinks
And saliva rushes through the jaws
Not to remind of or demand edible delicacies
But to tick of the phantom of desires
And to ask it to die,
Yet again, today
With silent wetness.
A blinking red beam in the distance
Against the less red sky near the horizon..
Does it mock the twinkle of not-to-be-seen-stars-today?
Why is the sickness in me so strong today?
And why is my mind not able to defeat it today?
All the MUs turn into PUs today..
While my head sells itself into the land of whirling pain,
The home of the migraine.
(MU stands for Mental Ulti and PU stands for Physical Ulti. They are some shortforms used by me in a li'l circle of friends to basically distinguish between "feel like puking" and "actually puking")
26th August '07
This day is about to end.....
the stroke of midnight would do it here.
gmt+5.5 hrs or ist
with it ends the weekend.
the weekend a loop....
thru which I ran a marathon...
which looped me to the week again.
alas..
would it be a weekend..I'd wait for?
I donno..
maybe it's the week I await...
or maybe the month..
or maybe not the time at all..
maybe I do not wish to run through
maybe I'm not running..
maybe I just need a walk...by his side..
maybe.
there's no room for maybe...
I pushing you maybes out.
Out you go.
Out.
U exist.
That I do not deny.
Or not acknowledge.
But I'm not gonna mention u again.
Atleast not for today..
I'll wait till the pendulum moves to strike the Cinderella hour of doom.
the stroke of midnight would do it here.
gmt+5.5 hrs or ist
with it ends the weekend.
the weekend a loop....
thru which I ran a marathon...
which looped me to the week again.
alas..
would it be a weekend..I'd wait for?
I donno..
maybe it's the week I await...
or maybe the month..
or maybe not the time at all..
maybe I do not wish to run through
maybe I'm not running..
maybe I just need a walk...by his side..
maybe.
there's no room for maybe...
I pushing you maybes out.
Out you go.
Out.
U exist.
That I do not deny.
Or not acknowledge.
But I'm not gonna mention u again.
Atleast not for today..
I'll wait till the pendulum moves to strike the Cinderella hour of doom.
20th August '07
FINDING COLOUR
I love playing with the hues of black and white. White gives me the space. And Black gives me the colours.
Sometimes the absence of some things re-establishes their being with a strange kind of strong re-assertion. Similarly, I believe that is, what’s magical about black and white, the ever so colourful non-colours. Where one symbolizes the presence of all and the other, the absence.
Maybe that’s why, for some people the magic of old black and white movies would never go. It truly created a presence of a lot of other elements, by mere absence.
Lastly, I do think it’s a wide-screened, black and white world: with a lot many zebra crossings.
Watch out for the light.
I love playing with the hues of black and white. White gives me the space. And Black gives me the colours.
Sometimes the absence of some things re-establishes their being with a strange kind of strong re-assertion. Similarly, I believe that is, what’s magical about black and white, the ever so colourful non-colours. Where one symbolizes the presence of all and the other, the absence.
Maybe that’s why, for some people the magic of old black and white movies would never go. It truly created a presence of a lot of other elements, by mere absence.
Lastly, I do think it’s a wide-screened, black and white world: with a lot many zebra crossings.
Watch out for the light.
Facing the Monster
14th Aug '07
I kicked the monster today
hard onto his face.
I pushed him into a dungeon
he'll never scare me again.
I killed him out of sight.
I defeated him in his mind.
I shoved him into the glass
which could have been the mirror to his soul.
I wish I'd kicked him just once more.
Harder and so that it really got sore.
But,
Kicks and slaps: do they work?
Monsters: do they have a conscience at all?
If they had. Would they be monsters at all?
I kicked the monster today
hard onto his face.
I pushed him into a dungeon
he'll never scare me again.
I killed him out of sight.
I defeated him in his mind.
I shoved him into the glass
which could have been the mirror to his soul.
I wish I'd kicked him just once more.
Harder and so that it really got sore.
But,
Kicks and slaps: do they work?
Monsters: do they have a conscience at all?
If they had. Would they be monsters at all?
A li'l heart of rain splutters
12th aug '07
people throw your umbrellas away
and get wet in the rain.
don't cover your head with books or plastic,
let the water seep into ur scalp.
don't skip the puddle or go around,
just jump right in and splash.
don't grumble, don't say 'shit'
say the f-word followed by "it's awesome".
don't save yourself, what are you saving anyway?
just let your hair down and enjoy the rain.
people throw your umbrellas away
and get wet in the rain.
don't cover your head with books or plastic,
let the water seep into ur scalp.
don't skip the puddle or go around,
just jump right in and splash.
don't grumble, don't say 'shit'
say the f-word followed by "it's awesome".
don't save yourself, what are you saving anyway?
just let your hair down and enjoy the rain.
12th Aug '07
What to do with SRK?
Ok. I loved him. Maintained files. Had pictures. Innocentchildhood craze. But I got over it abd started looking at him as an actor, critically and inspite of the soft-spot I never let any opinionated biases creep in.
Then came along this week.
...when I saw this fairness cream brand endorsed by him. Why did he do it?The soft spot vanished and it bacame a doubt spot instead. Don't he or any of those other guys/people in this huge world realize what these ads do? It makes racists out of already colour-biased people in India. And makes normal people get into complexes which they don't need throttled down their throat. And sells these fairness products.
When the truth is that the ones who have a problems are the ones who need a tonic or a brain cream to whiten/make fair their dark biases, not the ones with the darker skin tones. After all, isn't Naomi Cambell gorgeous, and she'd hate anyone suggesting a fair and lovely to her, I'm sure.
ANyway coming back to SRK.
I really don't think I can respect him anymore, being associated with you-know-what?
But, apart from this issue, critically acclaiming the end of the week SRK interlude with CHak De India was nice. He acts well, mimimalizing his starness. The story plays perfectly. Loved it. Though a bit predictible at times, wins my heart. Maybe a woman-bias.
But still, a butt again. coming back to the previous rut. Money shouldn't rule over all the criterions.
It kills people (real people within).
And people are important.
Ok. I loved him. Maintained files. Had pictures. Innocentchildhood craze. But I got over it abd started looking at him as an actor, critically and inspite of the soft-spot I never let any opinionated biases creep in.
Then came along this week.
...when I saw this fairness cream brand endorsed by him. Why did he do it?The soft spot vanished and it bacame a doubt spot instead. Don't he or any of those other guys/people in this huge world realize what these ads do? It makes racists out of already colour-biased people in India. And makes normal people get into complexes which they don't need throttled down their throat. And sells these fairness products.
When the truth is that the ones who have a problems are the ones who need a tonic or a brain cream to whiten/make fair their dark biases, not the ones with the darker skin tones. After all, isn't Naomi Cambell gorgeous, and she'd hate anyone suggesting a fair and lovely to her, I'm sure.
ANyway coming back to SRK.
I really don't think I can respect him anymore, being associated with you-know-what?
But, apart from this issue, critically acclaiming the end of the week SRK interlude with CHak De India was nice. He acts well, mimimalizing his starness. The story plays perfectly. Loved it. Though a bit predictible at times, wins my heart. Maybe a woman-bias.
But still, a butt again. coming back to the previous rut. Money shouldn't rule over all the criterions.
It kills people (real people within).
And people are important.
28th July '07
I get lost in this darkness of these cloudy nights..
Nightmares scream, the ghosts awaken
and I begin to think of death as a dream.
I get lost..
lost in this..
this darkness..
..and grope for light..
The horizon is red it seems
and I smile..
the red..
the red.. ..
the light..
the light of dawn.
Fooled again?
was I?
It's the west.
The red was of the setting sun.
No one's coming..
..this light's gone.
Happy, yes happy I am.
Happy, yes happy I was.
Happy, yes happy I'll be.
That's the least I can do for myself.
Nightmares scream, the ghosts awaken
and I begin to think of death as a dream.
I get lost..
lost in this..
this darkness..
..and grope for light..
The horizon is red it seems
and I smile..
the red..
the red.. ..
the light..
the light of dawn.
Fooled again?
was I?
It's the west.
The red was of the setting sun.
No one's coming..
..this light's gone.
Happy, yes happy I am.
Happy, yes happy I was.
Happy, yes happy I'll be.
That's the least I can do for myself.
12th July '07
Swaying in the rhythm of the local train
women, women, women
so many of them...
all so different
all so alike..
Bound together
in a locomotive iron box..
cause : XX chromosomes
women, women, women
so many of them...
all so different
all so alike..
Bound together
in a locomotive iron box..
cause : XX chromosomes
6th July '07
Mumbai
Cafe Coffee Day
opposite Sidhivinayak
to meet two friends
one emptying bladder
and the other probs pouting in a cab, restlessly
me, the third
with four
the cups
one, of glass, empty
and the resthree, paper
in various stages
of emptiness
or fullness
waiting
Cafe Coffee Day
opposite Sidhivinayak
to meet two friends
one emptying bladder
and the other probs pouting in a cab, restlessly
me, the third
with four
the cups
one, of glass, empty
and the resthree, paper
in various stages
of emptiness
or fullness
waiting
3rd July '07
*excerpts*
a rainy day..
a familiar season..
a familar room..
some nostalgic music...
..put the pen in my hand.
I tell you a lot of stuff naa?
hmm?
don't I?
I donno here, whether I'm writing a diary
or speaking to you..
..aren't they both truly one and same to me as is speaking to myself?
I just glanced out of the windows of my yellow room...
the sunset window shows a sky deep-red-vermiliion, while the hues on the left mingle with a bit of blue....
do you know something?
that everything I've done...
I'm doing..
everything is for?
a rainy day..
a familiar season..
a familar room..
some nostalgic music...
..put the pen in my hand.
I tell you a lot of stuff naa?
hmm?
don't I?
I donno here, whether I'm writing a diary
or speaking to you..
..aren't they both truly one and same to me as is speaking to myself?
I just glanced out of the windows of my yellow room...
the sunset window shows a sky deep-red-vermiliion, while the hues on the left mingle with a bit of blue....
do you know something?
that everything I've done...
I'm doing..
everything is for?
28th June '07
funny...
hometown..
Kolkata....Calcutta..
trivia check..
so used to not being in my room...habit from MICA.....
..that i can't even seem to be in my own room here.....
kept crying aloud for puchkas, russel street puchkas...
and guess what a week in cal..and not a single puchka in my mouth....
can't figure out why I want to be in the city and also why I don't wanna be in the city......both the feelings come with equal fervour....
zonal calamity........hits my head...
a gush overflows....knowing not what direction to flow in it just spreads everywhere...
....and makes me messy...
u mess me..
i mess you..
it's just a whole big mess-take...
here's the cue for Mess Zreeza...to zign off....
zzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzz
zzzz
zz
hometown..
Kolkata....Calcutta..
trivia check..
so used to not being in my room...habit from MICA.....
..that i can't even seem to be in my own room here.....
kept crying aloud for puchkas, russel street puchkas...
and guess what a week in cal..and not a single puchka in my mouth....
can't figure out why I want to be in the city and also why I don't wanna be in the city......both the feelings come with equal fervour....
zonal calamity........hits my head...
a gush overflows....knowing not what direction to flow in it just spreads everywhere...
....and makes me messy...
u mess me..
i mess you..
it's just a whole big mess-take...
here's the cue for Mess Zreeza...to zign off....
zzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzz
zzzz
zz
28th June '07
Walking down park street
and up again...
rainy misty day....
no baggage..
except thought...
light thoughts..
perfect..
not truly..
or totally..
a jigsaw part missing?
and up again...
rainy misty day....
no baggage..
except thought...
light thoughts..
perfect..
not truly..
or totally..
a jigsaw part missing?
22nd June '07
Excerpts from a diary...(anonymous)
I need to say a lot.
Speak a lot.
To whom?
I donno.
Seems no one really wants to hear me..
and I wallow in self pity.
I want the stars to fall on my dupatta....
but to scared to step above the earth
I'm standing on,
lest I lose it.
And I realise it's not the stars I want....
I want the earth...
...to become one with it...
But the earth keeps pushing me...
why?
where?
Donno what I want...
I wanted something....
a li'l dream...
still want it....
but the freshness of the dream
has been slapped by reality
a li'l too often..
and still I carry the bruised dream
in my arms
so close to my bosom...
Fully aware that there's a chance
it'll be snatched away....
or worse,
I'll give it away.
Sometimes, somethings
................&*^% %^^ *&^%...
You try to tell
to express
to say without speaking
but they hear something else.
Not the true you.
And in the discussions you become...
someone else....
someone else as you deliberate the logics.
..........
..........................
..............................................
I need to say a lot.
Speak a lot.
To whom?
I donno.
Seems no one really wants to hear me..
and I wallow in self pity.
I want the stars to fall on my dupatta....
but to scared to step above the earth
I'm standing on,
lest I lose it.
And I realise it's not the stars I want....
I want the earth...
...to become one with it...
But the earth keeps pushing me...
why?
where?
Donno what I want...
I wanted something....
a li'l dream...
still want it....
but the freshness of the dream
has been slapped by reality
a li'l too often..
and still I carry the bruised dream
in my arms
so close to my bosom...
Fully aware that there's a chance
it'll be snatched away....
or worse,
I'll give it away.
Sometimes, somethings
................&*^% %^^ *&^%...
You try to tell
to express
to say without speaking
but they hear something else.
Not the true you.
And in the discussions you become...
someone else....
someone else as you deliberate the logics.
..........
..........................
..............................................
Traveller
18th June '07
Moving around
from here to there.
The traveller,
I am.
No stations,
no airports,
no bus-stops..
.. are home.
But are they alien?
I travel
and I travel.
And whenever I introspect,
I still see
myself travelling
in the space of time
and in the space of mind.
Moving around
from here to there.
The traveller,
I am.
No stations,
no airports,
no bus-stops..
.. are home.
But are they alien?
I travel
and I travel.
And whenever I introspect,
I still see
myself travelling
in the space of time
and in the space of mind.
11th June '07
I'm supposed to wrap up my life of 6 months in a few days.How can I?
I love this place, MICA. I love it b'coz of the people here, the trees, the birds, everything. The life which is here.
First times....so many of them.
Relationships of every kinds.
People.....from all over....now part of my life...living in some corner of my heart.Their umpteen patent words, gestures, smiles, nonsensical behaviour...an everyday issue....would become a distant nostalgic memory.The specialty here is that, we all were family, in a way...joy and sorrow was shared. We grew up and became adults in a day, and we also shed so many a time all inhibitions and became kids.
All in all together, in a way.
I love this place, MICA. I love it b'coz of the people here, the trees, the birds, everything. The life which is here.
First times....so many of them.
Relationships of every kinds.
People.....from all over....now part of my life...living in some corner of my heart.Their umpteen patent words, gestures, smiles, nonsensical behaviour...an everyday issue....would become a distant nostalgic memory.The specialty here is that, we all were family, in a way...joy and sorrow was shared. We grew up and became adults in a day, and we also shed so many a time all inhibitions and became kids.
All in all together, in a way.
12th May '07
I know what's done is done.
I know whoever(God) did it feels sorry for it.
Should feel very sorry.
But then shouldn't he have not let it happen.
They say this world is full of miracles.
Why didn't a miracle happen yesterday.
They say all is fate.
I refuse, absolutely refuse to believe that this is fate.
But what can I do.
Live with my illusions.
May your soul rest in peace, Mansi.
I know whoever(God) did it feels sorry for it.
Should feel very sorry.
But then shouldn't he have not let it happen.
They say this world is full of miracles.
Why didn't a miracle happen yesterday.
They say all is fate.
I refuse, absolutely refuse to believe that this is fate.
But what can I do.
Live with my illusions.
May your soul rest in peace, Mansi.
29th April '07
I see the dark retreating now. It's moving away. Fading iinto the deep shades of blue which seem to glow momentarily and then lightens.
And as this cool breeze envelopes the whole being I see the mighty emerge. Birds chirp in chorus, welcome hymns. It's the daylight, orange and crimson and illuminative.
I see this light getting into me, gently, pushing it's way into me. The darkness inside me is restless, very restless. It's dying. It's being subdued. But this morning breeze calms me, cools me.
I feel like I've awakened. Awakened now, from a deep sleep. Ironically, I didn't sleep at all. Not a wink.
The birds are doing their morning chores in the trees in full swing. Totally, musically in the groove. Some early risers, already setting off for work. Maybe some pending work awaits?
The darkness inside me flutters. It wants to fly free. I can't let it go. Still.
I look around for red. Where are you? Isn't your arrival due now? Even the flowers bloom out of their buds to catch a glimpse of you. And you, just take your time. Why?
And as this cool breeze envelopes the whole being I see the mighty emerge. Birds chirp in chorus, welcome hymns. It's the daylight, orange and crimson and illuminative.
I see this light getting into me, gently, pushing it's way into me. The darkness inside me is restless, very restless. It's dying. It's being subdued. But this morning breeze calms me, cools me.
I feel like I've awakened. Awakened now, from a deep sleep. Ironically, I didn't sleep at all. Not a wink.
The birds are doing their morning chores in the trees in full swing. Totally, musically in the groove. Some early risers, already setting off for work. Maybe some pending work awaits?
The darkness inside me flutters. It wants to fly free. I can't let it go. Still.
I look around for red. Where are you? Isn't your arrival due now? Even the flowers bloom out of their buds to catch a glimpse of you. And you, just take your time. Why?
28th April '07
From :( to :) in a moment which was less than a second. Why? A miracle I thought I'd never see. A shooting star. I can't stop smiling since then. I was lying down on some prickly bed of somewhat soft grass and jabbering away, deep in thought in my own world. And it happened.
Twik.
Just a li'l TWIK. That's it. That's how the star fell on me and disappeared. I didn't see the flash of light and the tail thingie, which they show in movies and illustrations. It was just the drop of star falling, as if it couldn't wait for me to come to her and just came onto me, with a gush of emotion?. maybe?
I know it's a scientific normal thing. Nothing great. But for me it was superfantabulous. And I'm not buying any argument about it being anything less.
And wishing a li'l wish isn't superstitious at all. It's nice, makes one happy. At least makes me. What if it's actually comes true?
P.S.- A cobra, deadly poisonous was also spotted on campus today. 3 feet they say and shining. I walked up and down cautiously, but the king wouldn't reveal itself to me. Maybe for my benefit only.
Twik.
Just a li'l TWIK. That's it. That's how the star fell on me and disappeared. I didn't see the flash of light and the tail thingie, which they show in movies and illustrations. It was just the drop of star falling, as if it couldn't wait for me to come to her and just came onto me, with a gush of emotion?. maybe?
I know it's a scientific normal thing. Nothing great. But for me it was superfantabulous. And I'm not buying any argument about it being anything less.
And wishing a li'l wish isn't superstitious at all. It's nice, makes one happy. At least makes me. What if it's actually comes true?
P.S.- A cobra, deadly poisonous was also spotted on campus today. 3 feet they say and shining. I walked up and down cautiously, but the king wouldn't reveal itself to me. Maybe for my benefit only.
The Green Night
20th April '07
It's a dark green night....
I sit upon a
bed of prickly green
under the shade of swaying green
enveloped by the greens of the creeping wall.
I sit amongst this deep green greenery.
I sit in this deep green night.
And think which shade are you?
and think which shade are you?
While a shadowy crescent moon
peeps from a deep, yet far-away grayish blue.
It's a dark green night....
I sit upon a
bed of prickly green
under the shade of swaying green
enveloped by the greens of the creeping wall.
I sit amongst this deep green greenery.
I sit in this deep green night.
And think which shade are you?
and think which shade are you?
While a shadowy crescent moon
peeps from a deep, yet far-away grayish blue.
A little bit of?
20th April '07
A ray of hope is all I need.
A ray of hope to live.
A ray of hope that life is there,
and it's a life that breathes.
A flicker of doubt which lives.
A tiny spec of dust.
A mere, toothless smile which is true
and just a little trust.
A little bit of blue sky
which holds all the hues...
hues and stars and moon and magic...
all in a little sky.
A little bit of green I need,
a green of long and short grass.
A red of love, an orange of sun
and yellow of canaries.
A little bit of love I need.
Just a little bit.
And a little bit of you...
....................a little bit more of you, to live.
A ray of hope is all I need.
A ray of hope to live.
A ray of hope that life is there,
and it's a life that breathes.
A flicker of doubt which lives.
A tiny spec of dust.
A mere, toothless smile which is true
and just a little trust.
A little bit of blue sky
which holds all the hues...
hues and stars and moon and magic...
all in a little sky.
A little bit of green I need,
a green of long and short grass.
A red of love, an orange of sun
and yellow of canaries.
A little bit of love I need.
Just a little bit.
And a little bit of you...
....................a little bit more of you, to live.
Waiting for the drops
20th April '07
A cold drop of heaven
on my warm cheeks...
A cold drop of heaven on my warm cheeks
and the cashmere black in shreds
tickles all about....
The winds turn the trees tipsy..
and the dance of the trees get me high.
Your messenger a single drop
announced your arrival...
Where are you? o' shower of life?
I await you.
I await you.
I await you with longing in my heart.
The changing hues of blue,
the orange, merges into red
and then the deepest shade gets deeper.
Today I won't give up...
I'll wait till the moment you come.
Last night I waited till dawn.
and then you showered.
the very moment I slept.
A cold drop of heaven
on my warm cheeks...
A cold drop of heaven on my warm cheeks
and the cashmere black in shreds
tickles all about....
The winds turn the trees tipsy..
and the dance of the trees get me high.
Your messenger a single drop
announced your arrival...
Where are you? o' shower of life?
I await you.
I await you.
I await you with longing in my heart.
The changing hues of blue,
the orange, merges into red
and then the deepest shade gets deeper.
Today I won't give up...
I'll wait till the moment you come.
Last night I waited till dawn.
and then you showered.
the very moment I slept.
Human-Eye
20th April '07
Web of thoughts, feelings, rights and wrongs...
confuses the hell out of me.
Am I a constitution of free thoughts, feelings and actions?
Am I whatever I perceive myself to be, because of myself?
Am I me, independent of all. Just me.
I guess not.
When will I view the victim in me...
and free it from the bounds of steel?
Yes, with the key of hope
let me unlock the trapped wings.
Let me with magic dew drops
wake me from the deep sleep.
Let me see the world it is
with all the eyes I have to see.
Let me, let me, let me,
oh, human beings.
Let me, oh humans be.
Let me and my brothers and my sisters be.
Perfection is not there.
Not anywhere it seems.
Let its shades be drawn from your eyes
Let its shades be drawn from your eyes
and see the imperfection and difference there is.
Celebrate it. Love it. Just be free......
....Live. Let live. Live. Free
The different shades of human flesh.
The various orientations to love.
The caste, creed,, religious biases are all shit.
A human is first a human.
A human is all there's to note.
A human, my friend, u see.
A human is all you see....
if you see from human eyes.
No rules I know.
No protocols I accept.
No wrongs I'm gonna support.
However small, however little, however not so loud...
...I'll voice my voice for reasons,
reasons, reasons in which I believe.
A silent spectator, is not practical.
A silent spectator is a coward.
Who slaps his/her martyrs.
Who kicks his/her legacy away.
Talk. Think. Argue. Discuss.
Voice for voice for the truth.
Web of thoughts, feelings, rights and wrongs...
confuses the hell out of me.
Am I a constitution of free thoughts, feelings and actions?
Am I whatever I perceive myself to be, because of myself?
Am I me, independent of all. Just me.
I guess not.
When will I view the victim in me...
and free it from the bounds of steel?
Yes, with the key of hope
let me unlock the trapped wings.
Let me with magic dew drops
wake me from the deep sleep.
Let me see the world it is
with all the eyes I have to see.
Let me, let me, let me,
oh, human beings.
Let me, oh humans be.
Let me and my brothers and my sisters be.
Perfection is not there.
Not anywhere it seems.
Let its shades be drawn from your eyes
Let its shades be drawn from your eyes
and see the imperfection and difference there is.
Celebrate it. Love it. Just be free......
....Live. Let live. Live. Free
The different shades of human flesh.
The various orientations to love.
The caste, creed,, religious biases are all shit.
A human is first a human.
A human is all there's to note.
A human, my friend, u see.
A human is all you see....
if you see from human eyes.
No rules I know.
No protocols I accept.
No wrongs I'm gonna support.
However small, however little, however not so loud...
...I'll voice my voice for reasons,
reasons, reasons in which I believe.
A silent spectator, is not practical.
A silent spectator is a coward.
Who slaps his/her martyrs.
Who kicks his/her legacy away.
Talk. Think. Argue. Discuss.
Voice for voice for the truth.
14th April '07
hey the worldly creatures...
a hey to you all..
a hey?
is that all I can do?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Hey naaaaa
bolo bolo
hay naaaaa??..
yes would say a horse
yes would say a zebra
yes would say a donkey
what would u say?
I would say....
it's a crap question.
So the answer should be equally crappy, or you are not up to the mark of foolishness to answer this question.
spinning heads
spinning worlds
spinning beliefs (just an illusion)
an illusion that scares
an illusion that makes me roar
an illusion, a gift of the externals
yes, the externals strike again
again they play their game
the same externals,
yes the same ones,
the ones I thought were mine.
their mind i cannot fathom
their motives cannot understand
I wish it's all an illusion
and that's all there is to it
they do not kill the person
they do not kill the situation
they kill the mind
slowly, with deadly poison
pushing it into coma'
the deadly threshold
killing it mercilessly
will they rejoice?
this world has lost its glory (i know it's a boyzone line)
this world has lost its glory for me
nothing it has to entice (as of now)
the expectations become dread
and the dreams nightmares
with these so many words
I let some toxins out, maybe?
but maybe i also
pin nails into someone heart.
sorry for these nails...
which i prick again
i only try to let it out
and it comes out, just not right.
it's not about you
it's not about us
it's not about the belief in you
it's not about the trust
it's about this world
outside the one i acknowledge
it's about this other side
which i just do not like
it's about this whole big thing
which appeared from nowhere
it's about this weird nonsense
the king of nonsense, if i may say
still the donkey that i am
i bray, say yes to the hay
and go toiling nodding sweating my way
making my way to god knows where
making my way to god knows where
a hey to you all..
a hey?
is that all I can do?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Hey naaaaa
bolo bolo
hay naaaaa??..
yes would say a horse
yes would say a zebra
yes would say a donkey
what would u say?
I would say....
it's a crap question.
So the answer should be equally crappy, or you are not up to the mark of foolishness to answer this question.
spinning heads
spinning worlds
spinning beliefs (just an illusion)
an illusion that scares
an illusion that makes me roar
an illusion, a gift of the externals
yes, the externals strike again
again they play their game
the same externals,
yes the same ones,
the ones I thought were mine.
their mind i cannot fathom
their motives cannot understand
I wish it's all an illusion
and that's all there is to it
they do not kill the person
they do not kill the situation
they kill the mind
slowly, with deadly poison
pushing it into coma'
the deadly threshold
killing it mercilessly
will they rejoice?
this world has lost its glory (i know it's a boyzone line)
this world has lost its glory for me
nothing it has to entice (as of now)
the expectations become dread
and the dreams nightmares
with these so many words
I let some toxins out, maybe?
but maybe i also
pin nails into someone heart.
sorry for these nails...
which i prick again
i only try to let it out
and it comes out, just not right.
it's not about you
it's not about us
it's not about the belief in you
it's not about the trust
it's about this world
outside the one i acknowledge
it's about this other side
which i just do not like
it's about this whole big thing
which appeared from nowhere
it's about this weird nonsense
the king of nonsense, if i may say
still the donkey that i am
i bray, say yes to the hay
and go toiling nodding sweating my way
making my way to god knows where
making my way to god knows where
13th April '07..on the dot 00:00 hrs
Sorry life, For being such a whiney the other day.
I'm not a loser. I'm a winner. At least I believe in indulging in a fair game. But then they say, "everything is fair in love and war". But I don't think so. Everything is not fair in love. And War in itself is an unfair concept, so no further argument to be put there.
Today I'm all ready to rock my life. Get on with it. Ride the waves higher still. And then when the waves have stretched their arms to the limit to open my arms and soar to the stars. But, wouldn't there also, I'd be just one among so many stars? Hmm? Then why do people want to become "stars" all the time? I never get it. Like I've said before. I never want to get famous. I don't want to be a known face. I just want to be known as I am, truly, to my near and dear ones and also those who matter to me. I don't want to remembered in history. But I want to exist long after I'm no more in spirit, as spirit in people's hearts. People who'd know me, for what I am, would be the was then. Most of all, I just want to get into and totally immersed in what I do, hundred percent. To be able to truly live my life. Get under the surface.
Let me get the force....build it up to the limit....to a limit which is limitless, and then everything, anythiing which comes on-road to within, to depth...to just cut across it. Totally. Such that nothing, nothing stops me, stops the gush, the flow. The flow is
"CHARAIVATI CHARAIVATI" .
"Charaivati"- hey where did this term come from? I can remember an old school Hindi chapter, "Behta PAni Nirmala". Don't remember the author. But there the author uses the words. Charaivati Charaivati. Chalna hee jeevan hai. Meaning, Life is what goes on, it's a constant move. Stopping is death.
I'm not a loser. I'm a winner. At least I believe in indulging in a fair game. But then they say, "everything is fair in love and war". But I don't think so. Everything is not fair in love. And War in itself is an unfair concept, so no further argument to be put there.
Today I'm all ready to rock my life. Get on with it. Ride the waves higher still. And then when the waves have stretched their arms to the limit to open my arms and soar to the stars. But, wouldn't there also, I'd be just one among so many stars? Hmm? Then why do people want to become "stars" all the time? I never get it. Like I've said before. I never want to get famous. I don't want to be a known face. I just want to be known as I am, truly, to my near and dear ones and also those who matter to me. I don't want to remembered in history. But I want to exist long after I'm no more in spirit, as spirit in people's hearts. People who'd know me, for what I am, would be the was then. Most of all, I just want to get into and totally immersed in what I do, hundred percent. To be able to truly live my life. Get under the surface.
Let me get the force....build it up to the limit....to a limit which is limitless, and then everything, anythiing which comes on-road to within, to depth...to just cut across it. Totally. Such that nothing, nothing stops me, stops the gush, the flow. The flow is
"CHARAIVATI CHARAIVATI" .
"Charaivati"- hey where did this term come from? I can remember an old school Hindi chapter, "Behta PAni Nirmala". Don't remember the author. But there the author uses the words. Charaivati Charaivati. Chalna hee jeevan hai. Meaning, Life is what goes on, it's a constant move. Stopping is death.
11th April '07
It's the head...which pays no heed to reason. Or it's the heart. Whoever it is. Please stop harassing me with these questions. This deep depression you keep pulling me into. Stop it. Don't do it. It's killing. Don't make me think. Don't let me think. My head's gonna burst.
I had a lot of expectations from you, Mr. Life. Ok. So you let me feel I'm gonna get everything I'd thought I'd get. It wasn't as if i didn't work for it. I did. Sincerely. With all of my heart. But when you didn't give me what was due, I thought it was my fate. But to actually go out of your way and do the exact opposite of my expectations, is a bit too much. Isn't it? I'm still ready to accept all. But just tell me? What was my fault? Where did I go wrong?
Why don't you answer my questions? Why doesn't anybody answer them? Is anybody listening to me? The ones I need to question directly are unavailable to me. I can't access them. As I'm not supposed to know what I know. But how can I forget it, now that I know. How can I? Memory, plays a lot of tricks. It made me forget something dreadful, and didn't remind me of the dread till 15-16 years later. Its just came back to my mind. Can't you Mr. Memory do the trick again. Pull the rabbit of your hat.
Sunday, last sunday, only I felt I had the whole world. Didn't need anything more, and didn't need anything less. But, Monday my world flipped. I know you'd warned me. I got the signals, alright. I mentioned it, whispered it into the ears also. But the warning did not prepare me for the shock. Thank god my world is still mine. And is determined to not go of my hands. But my butter fingers for a moment felt that they'd dropped everything and shattered all the dreams. Maybe they are. Who knows?
A song which I always sang..."Ankhiyon ke jharonkon se...."..translation...in my words...
Looking through the windows of my eyes, when I tried to see you, my darling
....you seemed so far away...so so far off...
But closing eyelids as I sat to ponder, and let my mind wander,
...all that I saw was you, and you so close to me, smiling in my heart.
I had a li'l heart of mine with me, once
which now keeps getting away from me, seems lost somewhere...
Finding you, however in my life,
something strange has started happening.
Just trusting you, and basing all the trust on you,
I've let myself forget everything....
let my life pass away like this.
with you let my life pass.
I live looking at you, my darling..
I'd die for you too, my darling
wherever you are, my darling.
My world resides there with you.
Day and night, my heart prays for you, and only for you..
God forbid, that the flowers of our sweet expectations and dreams should wither
SInce I've adorned myself with the colors of your love,
While waking, I slept,
and as I dreamt I stayed awake.
Please let no one, steal away my love-filled dreams,
the thought itself makes me anxious, so so afraid and anxious
Looking through the windows of my eyes, when I tried to see you, my darling
....you seemed so far away...so so far off...
But closing eyelids as I sat to ponder, and let my mind wander,
...all that I saw was you, and you so close to me, smiling in my heart.
I had a lot of expectations from you, Mr. Life. Ok. So you let me feel I'm gonna get everything I'd thought I'd get. It wasn't as if i didn't work for it. I did. Sincerely. With all of my heart. But when you didn't give me what was due, I thought it was my fate. But to actually go out of your way and do the exact opposite of my expectations, is a bit too much. Isn't it? I'm still ready to accept all. But just tell me? What was my fault? Where did I go wrong?
Why don't you answer my questions? Why doesn't anybody answer them? Is anybody listening to me? The ones I need to question directly are unavailable to me. I can't access them. As I'm not supposed to know what I know. But how can I forget it, now that I know. How can I? Memory, plays a lot of tricks. It made me forget something dreadful, and didn't remind me of the dread till 15-16 years later. Its just came back to my mind. Can't you Mr. Memory do the trick again. Pull the rabbit of your hat.
Sunday, last sunday, only I felt I had the whole world. Didn't need anything more, and didn't need anything less. But, Monday my world flipped. I know you'd warned me. I got the signals, alright. I mentioned it, whispered it into the ears also. But the warning did not prepare me for the shock. Thank god my world is still mine. And is determined to not go of my hands. But my butter fingers for a moment felt that they'd dropped everything and shattered all the dreams. Maybe they are. Who knows?
A song which I always sang..."Ankhiyon ke jharonkon se...."..translation...in my words...
Looking through the windows of my eyes, when I tried to see you, my darling
....you seemed so far away...so so far off...
But closing eyelids as I sat to ponder, and let my mind wander,
...all that I saw was you, and you so close to me, smiling in my heart.
I had a li'l heart of mine with me, once
which now keeps getting away from me, seems lost somewhere...
Finding you, however in my life,
something strange has started happening.
Just trusting you, and basing all the trust on you,
I've let myself forget everything....
let my life pass away like this.
with you let my life pass.
I live looking at you, my darling..
I'd die for you too, my darling
wherever you are, my darling.
My world resides there with you.
Day and night, my heart prays for you, and only for you..
God forbid, that the flowers of our sweet expectations and dreams should wither
SInce I've adorned myself with the colors of your love,
While waking, I slept,
and as I dreamt I stayed awake.
Please let no one, steal away my love-filled dreams,
the thought itself makes me anxious, so so afraid and anxious
Looking through the windows of my eyes, when I tried to see you, my darling
....you seemed so far away...so so far off...
But closing eyelids as I sat to ponder, and let my mind wander,
...all that I saw was you, and you so close to me, smiling in my heart.
Speechless
7th April '07
Want to say so much to you, now
Strangely,
No words come my way
Yet, ....all I ever knew,
ever felt...
All that I was,
I am,
is all in front of you.
Want to say so much to you, now
Strangely,
No words come my way
Yet, ....all I ever knew,
ever felt...
All that I was,
I am,
is all in front of you.
6th March '07
5 am....nearing dawn...
didn't sleep the night before....slept around same time or max 4 hrs.
tonight no one lets me sleep....we have work, you see....
and the weekend's round the corner, and heaven knows the last thing i wanna be this weekend is sleepy.
Mansi Agarwal had said once, quoting someone else,
"LIFE IS STRANGE,
LOVE IS RARE,
NOTHING LASTS
AND PEOPLE CHANGE"
I believed it to be true, and remembered it. But now I realize at this junction in life the true god-damn value of the god-damn phrase. It's like u read, u listen, u hear. But it never strikes. And if it does, it seldom strikes hard. It struck me hard this time.
didn't sleep the night before....slept around same time or max 4 hrs.
tonight no one lets me sleep....we have work, you see....
and the weekend's round the corner, and heaven knows the last thing i wanna be this weekend is sleepy.
Mansi Agarwal had said once, quoting someone else,
"LIFE IS STRANGE,
LOVE IS RARE,
NOTHING LASTS
AND PEOPLE CHANGE"
I believed it to be true, and remembered it. But now I realize at this junction in life the true god-damn value of the god-damn phrase. It's like u read, u listen, u hear. But it never strikes. And if it does, it seldom strikes hard. It struck me hard this time.
An ode to the mates:
6th April '07 (5:05 am)
Mates my mates..
mates my mates...
of the yesteryears
of today,
who pushed me to where I am,
who are me even as I type these words,
who made me, me, the way I am.
Mates my mates...
mates my mates
of the yesteryears
of today,
of the future, if there is to be.
A tip of the hat,
a thank you not,
a hug, a kiss, a letter,
a message, a wish, a thought,
what should I give thee??
maybe nothing,
maybe all,
all that there is to me.
Mates my mates..
mates my mates...
of the yesteryears
of today,
who pushed me to where I am,
who are me even as I type these words,
who made me, me, the way I am.
Mates my mates...
mates my mates
of the yesteryears
of today,
of the future, if there is to be.
A tip of the hat,
a thank you not,
a hug, a kiss, a letter,
a message, a wish, a thought,
what should I give thee??
maybe nothing,
maybe all,
all that there is to me.
Awakened
3rd April '07 (was it dawn?)
It's so goddamn difficult
to let people understand the system,
It's really pissing when
the winds, the elements are all troubled by a single intention.
It's really very not so considerate and pleasing
when what you do and your intentions are not reciprocated.
Much worse, when misinterpreted.
It's really stupid at times to go out of your way
for some, who'd never do the same for you.
It's a selfish world,
that's all that it is in the end.
To live selflessly here,
is a big mistake.
Compassion's to be curbed,
Love is to be hidden,
Care, never to let get through.
Coz' what happens is,
no-one really cares
and all they do is put-up acts.
Coz' what really is,
that it's the masks all around,
and all emotions forged to use you,
once and again.
The smiles, the jokes,
not all is clean.
Faces, gestures and words,
not to be taken on the face,
never, ever, never, ever.
In my li'l world i'd stay.
Outer self to the outer world.
A sheath I'd lock so tightly over,
impenetrable except to time-tested few.
I've learned my lessons,
my eyes can see.
I've got my dues,
won't expect them ever back.
Some accounts are better open,
the closure's often weird.
The dreams are awakened.
A sound sleep is pushed away.
Maybe, I'll be fresh tomorrow (actually today),
only if sleep comes back to me.
It's so goddamn difficult
to let people understand the system,
It's really pissing when
the winds, the elements are all troubled by a single intention.
It's really very not so considerate and pleasing
when what you do and your intentions are not reciprocated.
Much worse, when misinterpreted.
It's really stupid at times to go out of your way
for some, who'd never do the same for you.
It's a selfish world,
that's all that it is in the end.
To live selflessly here,
is a big mistake.
Compassion's to be curbed,
Love is to be hidden,
Care, never to let get through.
Coz' what happens is,
no-one really cares
and all they do is put-up acts.
Coz' what really is,
that it's the masks all around,
and all emotions forged to use you,
once and again.
The smiles, the jokes,
not all is clean.
Faces, gestures and words,
not to be taken on the face,
never, ever, never, ever.
In my li'l world i'd stay.
Outer self to the outer world.
A sheath I'd lock so tightly over,
impenetrable except to time-tested few.
I've learned my lessons,
my eyes can see.
I've got my dues,
won't expect them ever back.
Some accounts are better open,
the closure's often weird.
The dreams are awakened.
A sound sleep is pushed away.
Maybe, I'll be fresh tomorrow (actually today),
only if sleep comes back to me.
Green Hole
2nd April '07
Let's trickle down with drippity clinking sounds
into the little green hole.
Let's zonk into that little world
the little world of ours.
Let everything fade
as the background blurs.
Let the real emerge
as the veils fall down.
Let's trickle down with drippity clinking sounds
into the little green hole.
Let's zonk into that little world
the little world of ours.
Let everything fade
as the background blurs.
Let the real emerge
as the veils fall down.
INbetween
1st April '07
When the day turns into night
When the lights leave the dark spaces within
When the surreal exists but shows not its mark
I rise from the shadows, to search.
When the knife cuts through the flesh
When the rain pours but can quench thirst not
When the mind keeps moving but is thinking not
I smile to myself, cause i can figure it not.
When the day turns into night
When the lights leave the dark spaces within
When the surreal exists but shows not its mark
I rise from the shadows, to search.
When the knife cuts through the flesh
When the rain pours but can quench thirst not
When the mind keeps moving but is thinking not
I smile to myself, cause i can figure it not.
Zig-Zag
1st April '07
I flap my hands to fly, towards freedom
I run out to gasp for air
I wish for oxygen, pure
It comes in installments, rationed 2 days in 3 months.
I collapse in reminiscence of the flight of freedom
I dream a reality which floats in the subconscious
I look for home
I still keep looking
I go zig
I go zag
I go zig-zag zig-zag
Again and again
Stop then start again
Strong arms to hold me
Strength which shakes me to see
Moments which fill me up
Restless I get for you
I flap my hands to fly, towards freedom
I run out to gasp for air
I wish for oxygen, pure
It comes in installments, rationed 2 days in 3 months.
I collapse in reminiscence of the flight of freedom
I dream a reality which floats in the subconscious
I look for home
I still keep looking
I go zig
I go zag
I go zig-zag zig-zag
Again and again
Stop then start again
Strong arms to hold me
Strength which shakes me to see
Moments which fill me up
Restless I get for you
1st April '07
The day of the fools.
A day for everyone of us.
How different is it from other days?
I don't know.
Do you know?
Now that I have opened the piece of writing, i can sit back and relax and let my fingers do the art of crafting. I actually thought it was the mind, the idea which mattered when you had to write or create anything. But my hands, fingers actually, have a mind of their own. The mind comes in where the mood is to be created. And am I moody? Mad-I-Moody. :)
A day for everyone of us.
How different is it from other days?
I don't know.
Do you know?
Now that I have opened the piece of writing, i can sit back and relax and let my fingers do the art of crafting. I actually thought it was the mind, the idea which mattered when you had to write or create anything. But my hands, fingers actually, have a mind of their own. The mind comes in where the mood is to be created. And am I moody? Mad-I-Moody. :)
23rd March "07
The first two digits at the beginning of this article make this day "special"...
..in its own way....
:) mysterious smile..
Some days go by and still you can't walk along with those some days. Now traveling with time is not something we are totally in control off. Quite a bit of it happens involuntary. So it happened and is happening at this moment with me. I'm pulled with the passage of time. That be it. Do I wanna lodge myself in a dark, maybe a candle-lit corner of the past, or do I wanna run fast, very fast to the future, a future under the stars when the night would be a glittering glory. Some answers I seek myself, from myself and for myself.
More than a week ago, someone while humming tunes to herself and sitting cross-legged on the floor, from a folded-cone of plastic paper had adorned mehendi on my palms (both sides), extending it far into my hands towards my elbows, but not quite reaching it. Artistic. Depicting Culture. Smelling, Just Right, the way mehendi smells. mmmmmm.....
But my hand is now, just a faint shade of the deep vermillion, which at its peak was dark maroon. Like a dilapidating relic of the past.
..in its own way....
:) mysterious smile..
Some days go by and still you can't walk along with those some days. Now traveling with time is not something we are totally in control off. Quite a bit of it happens involuntary. So it happened and is happening at this moment with me. I'm pulled with the passage of time. That be it. Do I wanna lodge myself in a dark, maybe a candle-lit corner of the past, or do I wanna run fast, very fast to the future, a future under the stars when the night would be a glittering glory. Some answers I seek myself, from myself and for myself.
More than a week ago, someone while humming tunes to herself and sitting cross-legged on the floor, from a folded-cone of plastic paper had adorned mehendi on my palms (both sides), extending it far into my hands towards my elbows, but not quite reaching it. Artistic. Depicting Culture. Smelling, Just Right, the way mehendi smells. mmmmmm.....
But my hand is now, just a faint shade of the deep vermillion, which at its peak was dark maroon. Like a dilapidating relic of the past.
My Friends-8th March '07
I donno if I'll ever do it again.......
All you people....
I love you like crazy.
I know I'm bad.
May not be talking to you guys everyday.
May not be doing a lot of things, li'l special ones I aught to do.
May be on the contrary behaving like a PRICK.....even though I'm a gal (sry for the almost racist comment-pardon , after all it's Woman's Day)
BUT I LOVE YOU ALL.
Kev, Manu, MA, Pooh, Kshit, Ali, Prags...am I missing anyone?
Donno why I'm telling you guys this. Guess I'm getting emotional...
MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH
And,
A jaadu ki jhappi for Kev
A lolipop for Manu
A kurkure for MA
A cuppa for Pooh
A kick for Modi
A quote for Ali
A kiss in the air for Prags
All you people....
I love you like crazy.
I know I'm bad.
May not be talking to you guys everyday.
May not be doing a lot of things, li'l special ones I aught to do.
May be on the contrary behaving like a PRICK.....even though I'm a gal (sry for the almost racist comment-pardon , after all it's Woman's Day)
BUT I LOVE YOU ALL.
Kev, Manu, MA, Pooh, Kshit, Ali, Prags...am I missing anyone?
Donno why I'm telling you guys this. Guess I'm getting emotional...
MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH
And,
A jaadu ki jhappi for Kev
A lolipop for Manu
A kurkure for MA
A cuppa for Pooh
A kick for Modi
A quote for Ali
A kiss in the air for Prags
Some Somethings
8th March '07
some people
some friends
some confidantes
...are myths
some masti
some bonding
some understanding
...is all a farce
some words
some looks
some tones
...are too insensitive
some situations
some circumstances
some times
...are depressing
sometimes you are alone
...when you think you are not
but then someone far-off
...is there still, as close.
sometimes some somethings
kill you from inside
sometimes some somethings
open your eyes
sometimes some somethings
tickle your heart
sometimes some somethings
change you, forever.
some people
some friends
some confidantes
...are myths
some masti
some bonding
some understanding
...is all a farce
some words
some looks
some tones
...are too insensitive
some situations
some circumstances
some times
...are depressing
sometimes you are alone
...when you think you are not
but then someone far-off
...is there still, as close.
sometimes some somethings
kill you from inside
sometimes some somethings
open your eyes
sometimes some somethings
tickle your heart
sometimes some somethings
change you, forever.
8th March '07
Sometimes in the race of life, you should stop and question.
Question your beliefs. Questions all the things you take for granted.
Actually it makes no difference, whether you question or not.
Your life will automatically get activated to the pause mode and these questions would start haunting you.
Should think, Should think not.....don't even waste your time on the deliberation.
Idiots like me are there to deliberate. To think. To get attached. Idiots, who form perceptions. Idiots who are idiots.
Question your beliefs. Questions all the things you take for granted.
Actually it makes no difference, whether you question or not.
Your life will automatically get activated to the pause mode and these questions would start haunting you.
Should think, Should think not.....don't even waste your time on the deliberation.
Idiots like me are there to deliberate. To think. To get attached. Idiots, who form perceptions. Idiots who are idiots.
6th March '07
IDEABIES
You should not run after anything, it will run further away from you. But what if I run faster? ANd catch it.
You should wait for it to come to you, Let it lose, If it's yours it will return. If it doesn't it never was yours. What shit? If I keep waiting like this for ideas and thinKing they are not mine if they don't come like "eureka" to me, I'll have to change my career path yet again. HUH!
I feel like Harry Potter now, on my IMAC13 (he was better off, he had Nimbus 2000) looking for the Golden Snitch. The golden award winning idea....that's actually secondary, actually an idea which Gratifies me and I pet it and say..."hey I thought of this, this is my Little Ideaby"
:)
just thinking of my Ideaby....sorry Ideabies got me excited and smiling.....
now have to go through the labour pains....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
You should not run after anything, it will run further away from you. But what if I run faster? ANd catch it.
You should wait for it to come to you, Let it lose, If it's yours it will return. If it doesn't it never was yours. What shit? If I keep waiting like this for ideas and thinKing they are not mine if they don't come like "eureka" to me, I'll have to change my career path yet again. HUH!
I feel like Harry Potter now, on my IMAC13 (he was better off, he had Nimbus 2000) looking for the Golden Snitch. The golden award winning idea....that's actually secondary, actually an idea which Gratifies me and I pet it and say..."hey I thought of this, this is my Little Ideaby"
:)
just thinking of my Ideaby....sorry Ideabies got me excited and smiling.....
now have to go through the labour pains....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
5th March '07
hey hey hey
here I am starting to write without any idea what I'm gonna end up writing.
I've read some places, that the best way to start writing is with a blank sheet and a pointed pencil.
uh-oo
Blank sheet is this li'l window amidst a surmount of a desktop display and other li'l thumbnails on the big screen of my Mac (no. 13, that is). And for the sharpened pencil, I have my fingers, not sharp though....but yeah I can make up with the sharpness of my mind.
No offense to the great ones of the pencil-paper idea, I am with them, totally. But too lazy to transfer and digitalize efforts. See that's what it all boils down to in the end. The old laziness syndrome. ooooooh......and aaahhhh for the couch potato syndrome.....it's been ages since I've actually sat in front of the TV and had a meal. No matter all the gyaan and the rights and the wrongs, it was strangely gratifying.
hee hee
oh! papa...lol...You used to come from the office and see me sprawled in front of the TV, you'd say "tch tch saara din TV" and I'd be like "I just came, here. Just Switched it on." When I myself wouldn't know how many minutes were invested. Note the word, investment. It is an investment. Totally an investment. Wish I had that much time to do the investment, now. (yeah, not once have I seen even a single episode of the show which has SRK on the Bachhan Hot Seat)
Ending note......
I've learnt that
Tears Dry
Time Heals
Old friends remain
New friends become Old
Old friends remain
Old friends become family
Family becomes friends
It's all so confusing
here I am starting to write without any idea what I'm gonna end up writing.
I've read some places, that the best way to start writing is with a blank sheet and a pointed pencil.
uh-oo
Blank sheet is this li'l window amidst a surmount of a desktop display and other li'l thumbnails on the big screen of my Mac (no. 13, that is). And for the sharpened pencil, I have my fingers, not sharp though....but yeah I can make up with the sharpness of my mind.
No offense to the great ones of the pencil-paper idea, I am with them, totally. But too lazy to transfer and digitalize efforts. See that's what it all boils down to in the end. The old laziness syndrome. ooooooh......and aaahhhh for the couch potato syndrome.....it's been ages since I've actually sat in front of the TV and had a meal. No matter all the gyaan and the rights and the wrongs, it was strangely gratifying.
hee hee
oh! papa...lol...You used to come from the office and see me sprawled in front of the TV, you'd say "tch tch saara din TV" and I'd be like "I just came, here. Just Switched it on." When I myself wouldn't know how many minutes were invested. Note the word, investment. It is an investment. Totally an investment. Wish I had that much time to do the investment, now. (yeah, not once have I seen even a single episode of the show which has SRK on the Bachhan Hot Seat)
Ending note......
I've learnt that
Tears Dry
Time Heals
Old friends remain
New friends become Old
Old friends remain
Old friends become family
Family becomes friends
It's all so confusing
3rd March '07
It's Holi TIME.... Wish I was home. After the Pooja (and also with Pooja from the 3rd floor), we'd go to jalao the holika, with the dangling long stick of sugarcane. And then the mighty fire, we'd close in on it up-close and give it a 360 degree surveillance with folded hands, all lost in their own thoughts about their own worlds and priorities.
And tomorrow, would be dhamaal. Lots of oil in the air and tons of litres of cream and oil massaged onto skin to help fight the chemical colours. But, no precaution helps. And dancing and dancing and colours, dirty colours, lots of buckets of water, pichkari, water balloons, nani-bari, cousins, food made by nani-ma, dhavli, singing, music, loud music, drives..................
....but I'll miss Holi at home, yet again.
I'm so sorry, Mama...can't come for your wedding too. I so-so want too, but I just can't. No matter what I do, I'm unable to make it. And it really breaks my heart and i know I'll never be able to make up for it. Sometimes, one shouldn't wait for things to happen, coz if u do, and really really want something to happen, it does happen....but somehow u can't be a part of it. But still, I wish you all the happiness that could ever be, and I'll dance alright here. Ok?
And I'm in here. Nice b'ful scenic place, stuck with a migraine which seems to be in love with me, and refuses to leave my head alone. So many people around me. Each with a different story. Not that i've heard all the stories, but they somehow speak for themselves. And the way these stories interweave amongst themselves, is in itself an amazing skilled-needle's job.
Sometimes, I wish the stories didn't come and whisper themselves into my ears. I wanna believe everything on the face. I want to believe in everyone and want to give the benefit of a doubt to everyone. But, 'Benefit Of A Doubt', doesn't exist anymore. It's now like "Doubt. Guilty." Funny system in the minds and in the heads. In some ways quite unfair.
And tomorrow, would be dhamaal. Lots of oil in the air and tons of litres of cream and oil massaged onto skin to help fight the chemical colours. But, no precaution helps. And dancing and dancing and colours, dirty colours, lots of buckets of water, pichkari, water balloons, nani-bari, cousins, food made by nani-ma, dhavli, singing, music, loud music, drives..................
....but I'll miss Holi at home, yet again.
I'm so sorry, Mama...can't come for your wedding too. I so-so want too, but I just can't. No matter what I do, I'm unable to make it. And it really breaks my heart and i know I'll never be able to make up for it. Sometimes, one shouldn't wait for things to happen, coz if u do, and really really want something to happen, it does happen....but somehow u can't be a part of it. But still, I wish you all the happiness that could ever be, and I'll dance alright here. Ok?
And I'm in here. Nice b'ful scenic place, stuck with a migraine which seems to be in love with me, and refuses to leave my head alone. So many people around me. Each with a different story. Not that i've heard all the stories, but they somehow speak for themselves. And the way these stories interweave amongst themselves, is in itself an amazing skilled-needle's job.
Sometimes, I wish the stories didn't come and whisper themselves into my ears. I wanna believe everything on the face. I want to believe in everyone and want to give the benefit of a doubt to everyone. But, 'Benefit Of A Doubt', doesn't exist anymore. It's now like "Doubt. Guilty." Funny system in the minds and in the heads. In some ways quite unfair.
Pedal
1st March '07
very very very very far i wanna go..
wanna keep running and running and running
and running till everything becomes numb
and i cease to feel
and if i do, i feel nothing
wanna believe that the earth is flat
such that i fall of it
into the cosmic space
people, things, situations,
nothing feels right
it's all so...
i donno how to describe it
what to call it
should it be called..weird?
i donno
and i don't care about definitions anymore
whatever it is
i wanna get rid of it
where are those days?
those friends?
those people?
those cousins?
those games?
have i gone really so far, that i'll never find my way back?
they were not special, just normal, clear, clean..
filled with laughter, conversations which floated in the air..
no doubts.. no benefit of a doubt...
very very very very far i wanna go..
wanna keep running and running and running
and running till everything becomes numb
and i cease to feel
and if i do, i feel nothing
wanna believe that the earth is flat
such that i fall of it
into the cosmic space
people, things, situations,
nothing feels right
it's all so...
i donno how to describe it
what to call it
should it be called..weird?
i donno
and i don't care about definitions anymore
whatever it is
i wanna get rid of it
where are those days?
those friends?
those people?
those cousins?
those games?
have i gone really so far, that i'll never find my way back?
they were not special, just normal, clear, clean..
filled with laughter, conversations which floated in the air..
no doubts.. no benefit of a doubt...
CHANGE
27th Feb '07
Change me, oh winds of change!
Change me to be someone unknown.
Change me, please oh! winds of change,
Change me to anything, anything else.
Pinned into a corner,
Pushed against itand held tight,
Yes, the feel is very hard.
And I see with falling eyes
the walls creep closer.
Can I create a change?
Can I make a difference?
Can I move anything at all?
Change me, oh winds of change!
Change me to be someone unknown.
Change me, please oh! winds of change,
Change me to anything, anything else.
Pinned into a corner,
Pushed against itand held tight,
Yes, the feel is very hard.
And I see with falling eyes
the walls creep closer.
Can I create a change?
Can I make a difference?
Can I move anything at all?
1 2 3 4 5
12th Feb '07
CHANGE, the only thing I can vouch for, when it comes to life.
Alternate bands of laughter and hystreical tears......signs of madness.
Insanity is a state where ypu get another perspective, to look at life with.
see me. me see.
Divine blessings and love of human heart, hatch white dove eggs.
CHANGE, the only thing I can vouch for, when it comes to life.
Alternate bands of laughter and hystreical tears......signs of madness.
Insanity is a state where ypu get another perspective, to look at life with.
see me. me see.
Divine blessings and love of human heart, hatch white dove eggs.
19th February '07
day before day before: 17th...took a bike ride to the city..nothing specatcular, just that i wasn't afraid. Didn't have to try to be comfortable, I was. I guess, after a point in time u get used to everything. Everything means, every god damn thing.
But again, life is all about contradictions. Cause, there is always this white spec in the black or this black spec in the white, which stands out.
And as my life centers around one of the specs I realize, I'll never be able to wipe them of. I'll never get used to it.
Apologies for the "every god damn thing " phrase in the end of the first para.
Yesterday, we had classes for just half a day. Good. Smiles.
Hear the whole thing.
Yesterday was also Sunday, why did we have classes in the first place?
but, I didn't mind it at all, after all they were more like "adda" sessions.
Memento or is it Momento .. nice movie, where this guy has a problem forgetting someone who left him because he can't feel time. And the last memory he has is of the person dying. Rest, he's incapaciated of making new memories. And with method and notes he handles this memory problem. But how could one actually live, when one forgets the next instant that he lived the moment before.
It suddenly hit me, people say shut your past, forget your future- live in the present. But you know what? .. without your past and your future, your present would be nothing. The very existence of the present and it's importance would actually become nonsensical. Nostalgia, Memory, Plans, Dreams, Speculations, Hopes... what is life without them??
Ekalavya, a movie which has not much to its credit except the visual scenery shots, especially the sunsets and the castle shots. Forget the movie, it takes u to another level of imagination, where emotions are well played by the elements around u. Like one of my very good friend says, "Elements Conspire". Thank You(you-know-who-u-are), for this and so many more exquisite phrases you've brought to my life.
But again, life is all about contradictions. Cause, there is always this white spec in the black or this black spec in the white, which stands out.
And as my life centers around one of the specs I realize, I'll never be able to wipe them of. I'll never get used to it.
Apologies for the "every god damn thing " phrase in the end of the first para.
Yesterday, we had classes for just half a day. Good. Smiles.
Hear the whole thing.
Yesterday was also Sunday, why did we have classes in the first place?
but, I didn't mind it at all, after all they were more like "adda" sessions.
Memento or is it Momento .. nice movie, where this guy has a problem forgetting someone who left him because he can't feel time. And the last memory he has is of the person dying. Rest, he's incapaciated of making new memories. And with method and notes he handles this memory problem. But how could one actually live, when one forgets the next instant that he lived the moment before.
It suddenly hit me, people say shut your past, forget your future- live in the present. But you know what? .. without your past and your future, your present would be nothing. The very existence of the present and it's importance would actually become nonsensical. Nostalgia, Memory, Plans, Dreams, Speculations, Hopes... what is life without them??
Ekalavya, a movie which has not much to its credit except the visual scenery shots, especially the sunsets and the castle shots. Forget the movie, it takes u to another level of imagination, where emotions are well played by the elements around u. Like one of my very good friend says, "Elements Conspire". Thank You(you-know-who-u-are), for this and so many more exquisite phrases you've brought to my life.
15th Feb '07
b4 dawn...
people and music boom in my head
and I'm restless...
seem as if I'm moving towards something, maybe someone...
but i can't find it anywhere....my destination..
a helpless feeling..
can't reach it...
wait is too long...
too difficult...
i have no strength...
nothing..
despair....is all i feel..
giddy with this restlessness....
i oscillate
tremble....
a song plays in the back ground...
o humdum suniyo re
o jaaniya suniyo re
but who hears me??
do u?
u know who u are??
should i disturb u now??
or should i let u sleep...hmm??
feel like going for a walk...
it's 2: 30 am...
alone..
challenging the cold winds...
it's chilly here alright..
and then what if i feel like and give in to the urge to fall on the dew drenched grass...???
will it be alright??...if i clench the cold in my fists...and embrace it and sleep...
will my acceptance of the cold and total surrender make the it warm to me??
or am i underestimating the cruelty of the cold.
music...music....
music...can pull any cord of your senses....even the ones u bury deep deep inside..
"chandni raatein
chandni raatein
sab jag soye
hum jaage
taaron se karein baatein....
chandni raatein"
and it goes on and on....with its melody haunting me...and driving me crazier by the second......
MY VERSION
moonlit nights
the beautiful moonlit nights
why do people sleep through the nights?
these beautiful moonlit night
let's talk to the stars tonight
try and collect them in your palms
if not, at least reach out to them, courtesy's sake...
let's stare at them in wonder like the kids
remember how we used to say with actions
"twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder what u r?
up above the world so high
like a diamond in the sky"
but now....
not the stars...
not the moon...
not the nature and it's awe...
but the spirit is what gives the spirit a kick....
most believe...
But, not me...
...tipsy yes..
.......but the greatest kick u can get is out of being in luvv...
like a friend of mine used to say..
"I'm high..high on luvv"
but isn't the earlier bit about nature, moon and stars...all connected?
people and music boom in my head
and I'm restless...
seem as if I'm moving towards something, maybe someone...
but i can't find it anywhere....my destination..
a helpless feeling..
can't reach it...
wait is too long...
too difficult...
i have no strength...
nothing..
despair....is all i feel..
giddy with this restlessness....
i oscillate
tremble....
a song plays in the back ground...
o humdum suniyo re
o jaaniya suniyo re
but who hears me??
do u?
u know who u are??
should i disturb u now??
or should i let u sleep...hmm??
feel like going for a walk...
it's 2: 30 am...
alone..
challenging the cold winds...
it's chilly here alright..
and then what if i feel like and give in to the urge to fall on the dew drenched grass...???
will it be alright??...if i clench the cold in my fists...and embrace it and sleep...
will my acceptance of the cold and total surrender make the it warm to me??
or am i underestimating the cruelty of the cold.
music...music....
music...can pull any cord of your senses....even the ones u bury deep deep inside..
"chandni raatein
chandni raatein
sab jag soye
hum jaage
taaron se karein baatein....
chandni raatein"
and it goes on and on....with its melody haunting me...and driving me crazier by the second......
MY VERSION
moonlit nights
the beautiful moonlit nights
why do people sleep through the nights?
these beautiful moonlit night
let's talk to the stars tonight
try and collect them in your palms
if not, at least reach out to them, courtesy's sake...
let's stare at them in wonder like the kids
remember how we used to say with actions
"twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder what u r?
up above the world so high
like a diamond in the sky"
but now....
not the stars...
not the moon...
not the nature and it's awe...
but the spirit is what gives the spirit a kick....
most believe...
But, not me...
...tipsy yes..
.......but the greatest kick u can get is out of being in luvv...
like a friend of mine used to say..
"I'm high..high on luvv"
but isn't the earlier bit about nature, moon and stars...all connected?
The Breaking Of A Dam
6th Feb '07 (just before dawn)
Sometimes, for no reason at all
the dam, just breaks..
There was no pressure,
there was nothing,
Still, the flow got through.
I left the crowds behind,
actually, had mentally left them a while ago,
So, I left the crowds behind
and yet their laughter rang hollow in my ears.
I was a part of the laughter once.
Once, at a time..
time, which isn't now.
Walking on lone paths
of grass and meadow
and graveled blocks
also strewn with dried winter leaves...
I stopped before the beginning actually began,
stopped, to recollect.
to think,
to resolve...
but, writing seems enough for now....
Sometimes, for no reason at all
the dam, just breaks..
There was no pressure,
there was nothing,
Still, the flow got through.
I left the crowds behind,
actually, had mentally left them a while ago,
So, I left the crowds behind
and yet their laughter rang hollow in my ears.
I was a part of the laughter once.
Once, at a time..
time, which isn't now.
Walking on lone paths
of grass and meadow
and graveled blocks
also strewn with dried winter leaves...
I stopped before the beginning actually began,
stopped, to recollect.
to think,
to resolve...
but, writing seems enough for now....
2nd February '07
kabhie kabhie...kaisa ajeeb lagta hai naaa....ekdum ajeeeb..jaaane..jaise kya hoe gaya...so much to do....
and u feel like a part of nothing..then u dnt even wanna not be a part of the nothing..but all u can do about it is nothing..is it a loop...
where's that big bang to free me from it????
hmm??
i think...the weirdities....always...when was it...i lived...in the present...and not in reverberation...when was it last that i heard my heart beat with excitement and jump ahead of me??
do i really smile..and dance...and cry...everytime i do all of it?is it?or is it not?
am i confusing my true self and the roles i play?or are these roles that i play, me??whose gonna tell me?WHO will they tell?..if they have to...
some day.......someday...i'll get the answers..the point is, they need to be raised....I've done that...more than half of the work done...
and u feel like a part of nothing..then u dnt even wanna not be a part of the nothing..but all u can do about it is nothing..is it a loop...
where's that big bang to free me from it????
hmm??
i think...the weirdities....always...when was it...i lived...in the present...and not in reverberation...when was it last that i heard my heart beat with excitement and jump ahead of me??
do i really smile..and dance...and cry...everytime i do all of it?is it?or is it not?
am i confusing my true self and the roles i play?or are these roles that i play, me??whose gonna tell me?WHO will they tell?..if they have to...
some day.......someday...i'll get the answers..the point is, they need to be raised....I've done that...more than half of the work done...
29th January '07
all are siting in clas.s....doing there own thing...all do what they shud.....some do wat they shudn't...and some do stuff....why? they dnt even know....
my whole point of dabbling is....to multi-task....to make my mind, be able to do not only one, but more stuff at the same time..
heh eh he he e
i'm succeeding in my endevoour..the challenge is....to type as fast as i think...i'm running behind..asking my mind to think slowly......maybe....it'll listen...but what if it really does...and starts thinking slow forever...no way...i shud not even say such things to my mind...
thinking utter rubbish is gud..but writing utter rubbish is better..gud..feels gud..
mmmmmmm
ummmmmmm
ok...now attention to class....pay attention...do u think whats going in class is utter rubbish??no i don't...but the matter stretched and blown out of proportion, and the same bloody thing... again and again...is wastage of time..and i feel bored to death...so why not look here and there.
if u can..(mental vibes to the one standing)
capture our attention naa....
my whole point of dabbling is....to multi-task....to make my mind, be able to do not only one, but more stuff at the same time..
heh eh he he e
i'm succeeding in my endevoour..the challenge is....to type as fast as i think...i'm running behind..asking my mind to think slowly......maybe....it'll listen...but what if it really does...and starts thinking slow forever...no way...i shud not even say such things to my mind...
thinking utter rubbish is gud..but writing utter rubbish is better..gud..feels gud..
mmmmmmm
ummmmmmm
ok...now attention to class....pay attention...do u think whats going in class is utter rubbish??no i don't...but the matter stretched and blown out of proportion, and the same bloody thing... again and again...is wastage of time..and i feel bored to death...so why not look here and there.
if u can..(mental vibes to the one standing)
capture our attention naa....
Earth
21st Jan '07
Earth, earth, earth,
wet earth,
dry earth,
green earth...
earth, earth, earth...
my mother, earth.
Let me seep into you,
get deep within you,
please rest me in your womb...
The surface is everywhere
and yes there is space...
But I yearn for the depths,
the folds, the layers of tenderness,
the different faces,
the different colours
of passion,
of emotion
and of care.
Earth, earth, earth,
wet earth,
dry earth,
green earth...
earth, earth, earth...
my mother, earth.
Let me seep into you,
get deep within you,
please rest me in your womb...
The surface is everywhere
and yes there is space...
But I yearn for the depths,
the folds, the layers of tenderness,
the different faces,
the different colours
of passion,
of emotion
and of care.
Herons
21st Jan '07
A full dozen,
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 ....
and so many more to come.
A heron here, a heron there...
fly and flock for wet earth...
Intoxicated like me,
the white angels BE
just where the fragrance emanates....
And I not-an-angel and without wings
try to delve from a distance.
A full dozen,
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 ....
and so many more to come.
A heron here, a heron there...
fly and flock for wet earth...
Intoxicated like me,
the white angels BE
just where the fragrance emanates....
And I not-an-angel and without wings
try to delve from a distance.
What was it?
17th Jan '07
I lived a dream..
...was it really just a dream or reality? I'd never know....
But I'm thankful that at least I remember some of it and the rest of it which i don't remember is not lost, but floats in my mind like colored fog.
What was this floating saga, where my senses were enraptured anyway?
I think it was deep resurfacing..
Or maybe the dance of the omnipresent truth....
It could have been a diya lit...
Or maybe the angels' harp tingled....
Maybe it was just you and me...
maybe just me..
or just you...
Or lost pieces conjoined.
A mesh of limbs..
a dance of trance with rhythms divine...
warm, chilled, bliss, despair,
......passion, love, and so much more...
...all at once..
a single moment...
and so much....
a single moment...
and all at once...
Strands of silken thread...become ropes.....
moments turn into memories....
memories..turn into ghosts..
which cling to u forever....
I"ll sleep this sweet dream again....
someday...very very soon..
Till then......I'll live it with my shadows...
now and again.....
I lived a dream..
...was it really just a dream or reality? I'd never know....
But I'm thankful that at least I remember some of it and the rest of it which i don't remember is not lost, but floats in my mind like colored fog.
What was this floating saga, where my senses were enraptured anyway?
I think it was deep resurfacing..
Or maybe the dance of the omnipresent truth....
It could have been a diya lit...
Or maybe the angels' harp tingled....
Maybe it was just you and me...
maybe just me..
or just you...
Or lost pieces conjoined.
A mesh of limbs..
a dance of trance with rhythms divine...
warm, chilled, bliss, despair,
......passion, love, and so much more...
...all at once..
a single moment...
and so much....
a single moment...
and all at once...
Strands of silken thread...become ropes.....
moments turn into memories....
memories..turn into ghosts..
which cling to u forever....
I"ll sleep this sweet dream again....
someday...very very soon..
Till then......I'll live it with my shadows...
now and again.....
An evenings' musing
29th December '06
An air filled with chirps of home-bound air-bourne winged creatures and the sun glowing majestic with strong shades of red. I watched on, tasting my loneliness, rolling my tongue up the palette. A warm saline drop rolled down my cold cheek as nostalgia teased my mind. A faint perfume still haunted my mind.................
.....as I plunged into the sea of infinity.
An air filled with chirps of home-bound air-bourne winged creatures and the sun glowing majestic with strong shades of red. I watched on, tasting my loneliness, rolling my tongue up the palette. A warm saline drop rolled down my cold cheek as nostalgia teased my mind. A faint perfume still haunted my mind.................
.....as I plunged into the sea of infinity.
Finding Perfection
9th January '07
Strong sturdy long ropes
hangs from the boughs....
and on a circular ring of rubber-black
precarious me, suspended at the
mercy of links....
So many people....
So many stars...
Even the moon shines with me...
Swinging in the air, I look up
and through the translucent
green camouflage of the petals of branches
I see the sky.....
A bluish greenish reddish ceiling
and a floor of earth
a perfect moment...
......still incomplete
Strong sturdy long ropes
hangs from the boughs....
and on a circular ring of rubber-black
precarious me, suspended at the
mercy of links....
So many people....
So many stars...
Even the moon shines with me...
Swinging in the air, I look up
and through the translucent
green camouflage of the petals of branches
I see the sky.....
A bluish greenish reddish ceiling
and a floor of earth
a perfect moment...
......still incomplete
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